hey guys, I posted on here before under a different name so yea..

anyways, i really need help. first some backstory..

met this girl (who i've apparently known for years, not really) one time at our church who is my piano teacher's granddaughter (shes almost 18, i'm 18), let's call her 'alice'. so i introduced myself to alice and i could tell that we immediately hit it off really well.. long story short she was there on vacation, we hung out a few days before she left.. kissed + made out a lot, and we instantly knew that we REALLY liked each other.

then she had to leave.. she lives 1000 miles away.. but she is moving back here for college, and we might be going to the same college actually. we havd this relationship philosophy of basically disliking and staying away from typical teen relationships, and just finding someone you know you trust and truly love. and that was basically her. we were practically engaged.. we talked about marriage and having kids and living together in the very near future and everything. we both told each other that we were 100% perfect for one another and there was nothing we'd change about the other person.. as alice put it, we were in a 'half-dating half-engaged completely complicated' relationship, but we truly love(d) each other.

we called all the time and texted even more all the time and all that good stuff. then she started talking about this guy (let's call him 'john') who she said REALLY liked him but she liked him only as a friend (even though he's really attractive, as she puts it). he's very conceited though, and kept trying to get her to date him. he even stole a kiss from her one time and she was pissed. he kept trying to make moves on her when they went out, and she never let him.

then he said he wanted to go offroading with her, and he PROMISED her that it was "just as-friend". i pleaded her not to as i knew his true intentions, but she did anyway. when she got back, she told me she had fun. that's it.

what i found out a few days later from her sister was that she basically almost lost her virginity to that guy.. they were in the middle of nowhere alone in his car and they just started doing everything with each other except sex.. i'm assuming he made the first move. but when she got home, her sister said she was 'in tears' because she knows what she did was wrong and she didn't like the guy as more than friends.

now, even though me+her are "half-dating".. this really feels like she cheated on me.. the only excuse her sister can make was that "she didn't get any action in a while", a pathetic excuse, right? she repeatedly told me (and still tells me) that i'm the perfect guy for her and she loves me and she really seriously wants to get married with me and be with me forever.. and i want to too. but this absolutely killed me. i expected her to be stronger and more resistant than that. i had multiple opportunities and i never cheated on her.

so what should i do? should i confront her about it and possibly lose what we've built up emotionally so far? should i tell her that i'm giving her a break just so i could think things through? i plan to get her to nonchalantly admit what she did that night (she's very honest).. but even though i love her so much, at the moment i can't really see myself being with a possible future wife who did ungodly acts to some other guy's dick while saying that she loves me. should i just end things with her, no matter how much it would hurt me?

The first thing I would like to say is that the hardest thing and the right thing are usually the same thing. Nothing that has meaning is easy.

I know it really hurts because you guys are really really close, and the first thing you need to determine is if you will be able to forgive her for what she did? If you can forgive her, and move on from this and forget about it then I think you guys will be fine if you guys are open and if she can follow through with her part below.

The first thing she needs to do is tell you the whole truth, you guys are close and you have future plans and I think for those future plans to be successful then you two should be very open with each other. Also if "Alice" wants this to work then she really needs to stop talking to this guy, yea she may try and try and complain and bitch that she can't cut off communication with this guy, but she can. You have to tell her that for this relationship to work between you two that she can't see this guy again, can't talk to him or anything. Already this guy has crossed the line, he has gone against her will to steal this kiss she was talking about and he won't leave her alone. Now of course you could possibly not know the whole truth in this, but we have to go with what you know and believe that its true.


That's the best I can really tell you, I've been in the same boat as you, and these were the things we did to make it work.


Oh lastly, tell her how you really feel. You need to get your feelings and stuff out of your mind and out in the open. And if you tell her how hurt you are and such it will show how much you really care, it will make her feel bad as well but sometimes this is what girls need to see the truth.

Cutting. Pain makes you stop thinking about your emotions. Easy way out. I do it every day of my life, it let's me escape the hell that is my reality.

^ thanks for that. lol

Awe i'm sorry your hurting. =[ But you guys are young, you can't expect to have a relationship with no bumps (tell me if you know a couple that does), especially when you live so far apart from each other, it's hard. People make mistakes, and shit happens. If you really want things to work out, forgive her. And I agree with Insurmountable, you have to hear the truth from her first.

I agree with Holly.
You need to talk to her about it, and have her tell you the truth, because if she lied about that who knows what else she has lied to you about. I know it's hard, but it's something that needs to be addressed or it will eat at you.