Dear anyone who reads this or diary,


I was right. Everyone's some lonesome loser. It's not an insult but it's true. We all are wanting something or someone or angry at someone or something and yeah, I understand it's not your fault. But seriously, life will always suck... so, we'll just get on with our lives until we die.. and heck know what's gonna happen to us after that. Either we are happy in some bright place where they serve Cream Cheese & Bagels or we turn into some animal.. or something. But none of that really matters to us anymore. Most of us just want our life to go our way. We all know inside that it won't happen. Yeah, so you try hard to get it going your way.. but still, it's not all going to go your way.. or the way you planned it. Heck, my friend, she already is planing ahead.. she knows what's she going to in in 10 years.. but I don't even know what I'm gonna do in the next 10 minutes.

Anyway, I'm angry at everybody in general. Hey, who can't be? I'm angry at the everything my eye sees, everything my ear hears, everything my nose smells... just about everything. There's nothing to us but probably atoms or something. But whatever.. we're humans, we're gonna die.. and what sucks even more is that EVERYONE is ordering me to do something.. I can't have any decision making myself.. and I forgot if I do make some decisions.. life's not going my way.. so why not leave life alone and let it go it's own way.. bah.

Stupid world. Why does it have to be like this?! (That's a rhetorical question by the way) Seriously, everyone should learn to love and not hate. Stupid thing.. whatever. That's my rant of the day... Blergg..

I apologize for being a butt... I'm in a bad mood.

Sincerely,
Kim Jr.

dear createblog diary,

today went go-karting, and had a meal at DQ. sandra came over.

--faithin felix

Dear createBlog Diary,

I always cry when I hear sad songs or watch sad MVs. But he's always there to talk to me and make me feel better. Today he's not here. So I'm crying.

I think in these pass few days I'm beginning to feel better, emotionally. I haven't scratched myself at all. I feel so much happier. I'm beginning to have more faith in myself. And it's all because of him.

After all these months, I still love him. If only he could tell me for sure he loved me. But it doesn't matter, all that matters is he's with me and that he's my friend. And he'll always be my friend no matter what.

And after all these months, he still remembered all the promises he made me. Gosh I just feel like crying. He's so good to me. He's buying me a cellphone. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this.

Dear CreateBlog Diary,
I woke up at ten o'clock this morning. I wandered throughout my house to see who else was up. No one was. My dad had already left, for reasons we do not know, but we're not worried. I haven't even eaten breakfast yet, although right now I'm not all that hungry.

Last night Auntie Tess and her husband came by our house after my mom and dad picked them up from the airport. They're from Hawaii, and long time friends with my parents. The last time I saw Auntie Tess was when I was about one year old. I still can't recall any memories with her.

Today we're going to go swimming around one o'clock. Hopefully it isn't too hot outside. Tonight we'll start packing our bags, for our long roadtrip. From here, we'll drive up to Reno then take a stop for a while. Afterwards, it's onto Washington state, then Vancouver. I'm not used to long drives like that. Well, yes, I can handle five to six hours of driving. But I'm not sure about this one.

dear createblog diary,

today went out and didn't do much. boring day, got pissed few times.

--faithin felix

dear createblog diary,

i dont know if this counts as double posting but its a new day and its a diary, anyways, today stayed home, last night i cried.

-- faithin felix

dear CB diary,

i ate a huge bag of milk chocolate m & m`s today. i`ve gotta stop eating all of my camp food. woohoo. nerd camp in a week. i`m going to miss all these cool kids. =[

- mindy.

Dear diary,

Okay...so, Deign's back from Cedar Point, and after a week of pining for him, I feel really awful. It's not really that I haven't been able to talk to him, but there are things I asked him to do a month ago that he still hasn't done, and I really need to push him to do them practically the first night he's back. I feel so demanding, even though I realize they're things he promised to accomplish. But ugh, I mean, c'mon, when his girlfriend is just as lax as he is about these things, he has no one to force him to make good of his word.
Sigh.
I'll talk to him about it.

Linda

dear cb diary,


today was awsome. i went to the mall met up with Spoony, Sexxi and Squish n i made out with all of them. it was spectacular. they're all so pretty. we all made out in the graveyard! it's a huge graveyard, too. too bad i don't live near squish. i'd totally go out with her and hold hands, walking on graves. so romantic. she's sooooo cute. always staring off into a blank, getting confused when you ask her a question. always egar to make out with me. man, me n her would be so good together. the best ones always live the farthest away . oh well......

Dear Createblog diary,

Today I woke up at 3 this morning, just in time to get ready for church. took a long shower then we went off. we got to use the new sienna mini van (theres nothing really mini about it cuz its very roomy inside i love it) church was ok, got to talk with tita eve about my problems with spending tooo much time on the computer and not paying more attention to things that are more important, like god. i realized that god was telling me to stop going online soo much and focus on HIM cuz ever since my addiction to go on the computer happened i got horrible back pains for sitting to long on the chair and i have been sick since. my coughing hasnt stopped and my back still hurts. so from now on im going to limit my time on the computer and go back to living my life. then i went home to find that all my friends were on my front lawn, taking QUIZZES about SPICE GIRLS. my friend Romina made the quizzes herself cuz she is OBSESSED o_O even tho theyre dont even exist anymore, well they are very much alive but they are not famous no longer. then we just started writing on each others boody cuz it was fun, u know we just hung out and had a great time. then we played this game that someone had to ask u these 2 choices and u had to pick one, and u had to ask another person 2 choices that they had to pick. the funny thing was that we kept asking each other difficult choices like i asked TRISTA if she had to choose, JOHNIE (her boyfriend) of her friends. she got mad at me and picked FRIENDS cuz she loves all of us. and i guess thats pretty much how my day went.

Dear CB diary,

I would be going to China in a few hours. I can still go online, just not as much. Oh well. At least I can get some cheap CDs in China.

I can't wait to see my dad, although the thought still makes me nervous.

Dean

Dear CB,

In about two days, one of the best things that ever happened in my life is going to take a plane ride to India.
I'll try to tough it out like I always do, but quite frankly, I don't know how I can.
I'm really nothing without her.

Damnit.

- Chinkieeyedpnoi

dear cb diary,
If he makes me cry all the time why do I even love him.. my friends say dont cry over guys.. and if u find the right one he wont make you cry. but to me he is the right one. to me he is my everything even if hes the one who cheated on me and everything. this summer has been so eh. well i had fun yesterday when my friend sarah(xhyperroseyx) was outside my ex`s window and screamed out HIIIIIIIII VISHAL(his name)!! and his dad came to the window and was like hes not here.. he went to bilals house okayy? do u know where that is? and she was like yeah sure.. then he showed up & came to the park where we werre. he probably got the idea I didnt like him anymore because I couldent even look at him.. but I did and he looked back but we are too afraid to say anything. Then he left & turned around and gave me one of those looks he gave me when i was still going out with him. i miss him alot. oh well im tired ;X more later

<33 Caitlin

Dear diary,

I chickened out. So we're having another boring, lame-ass conversation, while I'm struggling not to get mad. Ugh, I'm such a loser.


Linda

ohhhwahhh cool..

Dear Createblog Diary,
I just got back from the eye doctor. I neevr wore my glasses so my mom got me some contacts before school starts. They feel kinda wierd and it hurts looking at the computer screen. I have to squint. ANd I can't take em out till 2:00 cuz I gotta get used to them or osmething.
Last night I got back from Rhode Island! finally...All my firends left to camp today. Its sooo boring. I'm probably gonna go tan today. And next week I'm going to California. yay. Disney world =] Anyway, I g2g MCDONALDS!

Love or hate
Kristin

dear createblog diary,
this is my first time posting here, so i wont make it too long. counting down to 2 more days until my boyfriend felix leaves. im gonna miss him so much cuz he'll be gone for a long time. i love him so much its hard to say. whenever i see him, he makes me so happy that i cant even frown. he also brightens my day after summer school cuz he knows i dont like school. yep, and now that hes gone for awhile, i dont know what im gonna do. this brings back memories from last year but i know this year will be different. cuz hes different from other ppl and that makes him special. i love felix so much it hurts to see when hes sad because it aches my heart. i wanna see him happy before he leaves, knowing that he is alright. i hope he has a great and safe trip, coming back without any changes. i love you so much felix, ill miss you

dear cb diary,

today i did some stuff. but first i went on the computer to try to post more in my ultimate goal of becoming a cb official member! i only have about 50 posts left to bring my average up to 5.0. then i got an email from saori in japan and i was glad she was still alive. then we had waffles for breakfast! yummy and syrupy.
then i went on the computer more and played games and changed my background, cursor, and xp icon to cherries. i wrote yumyum on them.. hehe.
then i went swimming and megan, our annoying neighbor was there. so the whole time me and my sister were being like military people and talking about her position with o'clocks and hiding and stuff.. it was fun but as soon as she went home it was time for us to go too..

then i came back, took a shower, and now i'm here! i finished everything on my summer checklist except become a cb official member. yay.

dear createblog diary,

today i got a haircut, and now its like one more day till i leave on my vacation and i will miss sandra so much. hope she won't miss me too much, i love her lots.

-- faithin felix

Dear CD Blog

I finally developed some photos i had for an assignment in bioforensics class. The funny thing is it's summer now. Those pix were due in december. Is that why I had a B first semester?

Dear createBlog Diary,

I feel like calling him just to hear his voice. I just want to hear him grumpily answering the phone with a 'WTF are you calling at 8AM for?!' and immediately become very awake when he knows it's me. He'll know what's wrong, he always does.

But I don't dare. I'm afraid.

Dear cB diary,

I wait over a year and a half to see him. And now I have to wait some more. I called his house on the fourth. His answer machine picked up, so I hung up. But then I thought, "What if he picked up?" Then I realized, I would of hung up in that situation as well. The "l" word is so fun. *sarcasm*

dear createblog diary
well today will be my last time on createblog before i leave for my vacation. im gonna miss everyone here while im gone. no more posting posts for a month and a half, i am surely gonna miss sandra. i love her so much! can't believe i won't see her for that long. i will miss my heart beating that fast. i will miss her hugs. i will miss holding her hand. i will miss the good times, but when i come back i will be very happy because i will do all that again. and now, it is just time. i will wait for a long long times to pass. and when i am back i will see the smile on her face again, the eyes on her face. my day will be lightened once again. and for now...i can only wait. I love her so much!

--faithin felix

Dear createBlog diary,
I can't stop thinking about "Patrick." My deodorant is making my armpits cold. Eeekk! I haven't done my summer reading, and I need to do it SOON! Damn the procrastination. I'm soo glad that my camera works now, but now I don't know how to connect the USB cord. -_- HRm..I hope mum didn't make something nasty. I don't want anymore fish, I tell ya! NO MORE FISH! Okie, I'm done. Thanks for listening, diary.

--Bobbster

dear Cb, i had alot of stuff on my mind today. My xanga explains it all(xanga.com/onenonly101).

I finished taking out my braids today. I'm getting my hair permed at the end of this week. Then i'm getting it cornrolled to put tracks in it for Houston. I gosta look good.

9 days till houston
13 days till my birthday

Love

Dear CB,

Today, I went to summer school as usual, and learned stuff. I had a test today, and I think I got lower than my last score (32 1/2 out of 100). After school, I got to hang out with my signifigant other, and we had tons of 'fun' that I will not get into a lot of detail. Anyways, now I am working on my stupid essay for school about gay marraige...

life rocks.

-Val

So i found out my ex g/f goes to CB for her xanga skin now... Now im worried because I dont want her knowing some of the stuff I posted on here... Ohhh man how do I deal now?

Dear createBlog Diary,
SAJkflajskfjsjflka;sjfdk! I feel...soo.....so....sad. It's so depressing. RAWR! I feel like crying, but I can't. Damn it, this was useless.

--Bobbster

dear createblog diary, READ IT!! i put effort into this.. ><"

hehe my first time writing in this. yesturday.. i found out somethign very disturbing. a person ive been very close to a while stole 50$ from me/my parents. my parents were away for a while, so she stayed at my home. shes 27. lets call her personx for now. my cousin was supposed to come over my house from korea for just a palce to rest. my mom told me to use my money, and shell pay me back later. i was supposed to put 200$ in an envelope and give it to him for him to ride a cab, you noe since my parents couldnt drive him. well instead, a very close priest of ours was going to drive him to the airport, and they both saw that it was 200$, but they didnt take it.

well, my cousin didnt need it, and i jsut left it on the kitchen table.. i mean no one was going to take it, right? yesturday, my parents came home. my mom looked at the envelope and it was only 150$.. i put in a 50, 50, 50, 20, 20, 10$'s in the envelope. she kept on asking me, are you sure?? and i said yes, im not stupid you noe.. maybe my cousin took 50$? and personx was there with us. we were eating.

later, after personx left, my mom told me why she kept on asking me. she said she thinks that personx took it. no one else was home. then she called my cousin and asked him if he took 50$ and he said no. later, he called my mom agen and said he's possitive he saw 200$ in there. priests do not steal. atleast not this one. he is one of the most important people in my life, and he knows that 50$ isnt worth much. plus, he bought me dinner twice while my parents were gone ><"

my mom was pisssedddddddd... at personx. she left a mess in our kitchen, by oil EVERYWHERE.. and she's acting like she cooked evrythign and all.. well i guess.. but now my point of view changed after that. also, in teh bathroom she put hair in the toilet.... my mom was freaking out and sadi that, that could clog our toilet. next time of course she wont come over agen..

she was really clsoe to me.. thats what hurt the most. i really dont noe what to think of her when i see her... she goes to my church somtiems, but my church is korean-english mass. she goes in the morning to another mass.. so i dont really see her much. shes a good catholic.......... or so i thought. the moments we had? its all over..

its not the fact that she took 50$ from me. i dont care about money. its how she would do seomthign to make me not trust her. well .. everything happens for a reason.. and this one was so i could never trust her agen.

~ marci

Dear createBlog Diary,

I think I might die when he goes for his Marines boot camp in PI. Seriously.

I just want to hear his voice one last time.

And he has to leave right before my exams. Great. He's always been the one who got me through them, what am I gonna do now?!

Love,
Winter

What does it take for a man to be with someone he really wants to be? What does it honestly, truely take to be the man you want me to be? What does it take to make a dream come true, what does it take to be loved like I have loved? Do I not have something? do I not carry something special enough, or is the luck im looking for just one that doesnt exist for me anymore. Megan and I had a conversation about yesterday and whether or not it existed... I wish I could have given an answer that was definite but I didnt. Does luck really exist, or is it like how Dashboard Confessional said "I guess its luck but its the same....Hard Luck"... Megan had told me that luck doesnt exist. Her reasons were that god had a plan for every one of us and since we fall into that plan it wasnt luck, but it was percision, and it was planned. For her luck doesnt exist, but I always believe that we all need a little luck to get going on this world. Megan is right. God has a plan for all of us.. Megan is right in the fact that we fall into his plans and that we do the things that come to us...Shes right about everything, but consider this. The fact that someone, or something fell into that plan, is in itself luck right? Its like Kristin and Jon or MAtt and Kelly, or Me and Megan... Sure god had everything planned out in our lives, but the fact that Megan crossed paths with me, and matt with kelly, and jon with kristin, doesnt that make us lucky because the paths crossed? Maybe luck existed back then, but how about now? Whats luck for me? I dont know if i even wanna know if luck can happen to me. I really dont wannna know whether or not I'll get lucky somewhere later in life. Luck is something thats so hard to believe anymore. After what I've been through, after the things i've felt, after the emotions spent, after the long lasting nights, luck seems like something that'll only happen in a book or fairy tale... Some people say that Im lucky, but wheres my luck? You know if she loved me so much, then why did she leave? If she knew how hard i hit rock bottom, why didnt she help me? If she meant the things she said, then why did she break her promises? If she says that Im so strong, then why do i feel like im so weak? If my luck is so good, then why does she set out to find someone else to take my spot in her heart? If I had that big of an impact on her, then why am I the one suffering? You know if she says that im the one who is so special and that I deserve the things that I want, then where is my girlfriend??? Where the fudge is my Megan??? Thats my luck ladies and gentlemen. My luck is luck no matter how you see it... Maybe my luck is just...Bad.

My nose is running, my eyes are watering, now my nose is stuffed up, folks are actin a darn fool................We went to a wedding reception tonight. You know we were running on African time the wedding itself(25th anniversary thing) started at 2pm, and the reception followed at like 5. we rolled up their at 7:30pm. It was nice. I will not have ANY body speaking at my wedding, not a darn person, because people like to say really foolish stuff when they get the mic, especially the mc.of all the events. Shawty why is my sister on my back right now, and i know she is reading this sentence while i type it. lol. Anyways, We cleaned all today until the evening then left for the reception. My hair was looking a straight mess, when I got into the car and that was working out for me so i had to get all Towers on ya and jazz up my hair wit the side part/swoop(as much as i could i swear i wish i had white peoples hair or indian or hispanic anyways) and tease the back up. yup i was looking like a different person when i was finished. The recpetion was good saw some folks i knew there, cuz you know it was their family's thing. Sweet Mother was played so i had to get up and dance. I was mad though cuz when we wre in the car they played my song, premier gaou. I cannot wait until Thursday because then we leave for Houston which equals having a lot of fun. This year will be relaxing and fun. We are staying at the holiday inn in Sugarland, Sugarland is rich mans land in texas so the area will be nice. My birthday is next Sunday...WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. I'll be 15 finally. This might be my last entry until i come back, I'm not sure. Tomorrow is the meeting at my house,Monday i need to figure what i am wearing get some really nice clothes(that wat my parentes want us to do is get really nice clothes, cuz for example thursday the day we get in my uncle is thrwoing a party at a hotel for someone in houston so....then of course saturday big party). hopefully Tuesday get my hair done and wash all my clothes, Wednesday pack,pack,pack. Thursday leave. I got a new swimsuit yeah....it is cute a tankini..well time to go i got church in the morning

Love

July 17th, 2004

My Dearest Diary,

There are times when I feel like the world is out to get me, like I don't belong whereever I go. I watch myself fall apart from the distance from my beloved. All I can do is sit at home, in hopes that someday in the future, I'll be glad I stayed home and didn't go out and party like others do (although i wish I COULD party like them, just for once). Tony finally treats me as if the next day I might die, so he'll try to get every little hug and kiss he could get before our short time together is over. He doesn't realize that I do love him so much and that I do really really miss him and that if I could, I would hold him close and never let go. But for now, I have to not show that I miss him too much because it seems that the more i show my affection, the more he tries to resist me. I can't help but think about him. My intentions on my plans for the future revolves around Tony. I want to get a good education in hopes that I can get a good, high-paying job so that I can be financially stable and be able to support Tony in whatever he does with his life. I don't want him to suffer through a life he doesn't want to live. For now, I can just hope that we, Tony and I, can both endure the terrible life that we are living now for 2 more years, and only then will we be able to escape the wretched clutches of what people call family.

Well, Diary, that is all I have to say for now. Tomorrow is another day. I shall write more if I have time.

----Christina

Dear Diary,

I hate me.
I want to die.
But I love --- =X

nevermind.

Love,
K1m

dear so called cB diary.
why are people so damn judgmental. and especially when they dont even know you. people think they know me and have the "right" to say crap about me. Guess what hun, you dont. and then online. my goodness gat a friggen life. everyone has a chance to say what ever they want and like to kiss ass. so stupid.

dear diary,
...my life is perfect. end of entry.

p.s. note the sarcasm

Dear CB Diary,

This is my first and maybe last time writing in this but I needed to let it all out right now. I feel like crap right now. I mean, I was being so pissy at someone and it turns out his/her life was a living hell and what did I do to help? Nothing.. So now I am questioning why I act like that. Everytime somone actually might need me I go and I have to be a complete jerk. I had tried so hard to change from the way I used to be but now, it's all up in smoke. I am making my life hell right..

Right now I am questioning everything in my life, except the friends who stick by me. I love them so much. I mean, I am even questioning my faith and I don't know what's wrong with me at all. I feel so, wrong, unclean (maybe). I guess I've been lying to everyone including myself but what way is there to get out of it?

I did get close to "starting" the other day when my dad kept getting pissy when I was talk to my mom. I don't know what his problem is either. I think he likes to put us down.

Back to the orignal situation. I am such a kid, which I know shouldn't be bad but I am empty of anything I once had. I mean, I don't know what made me turn out this way. One day I was just cold, and void of any feeling for almost about everything. I think those words are haunting me again 'My heart is heavy. It crushes my soul' When I had wrote that , I was on the brink of depression most likely but I snapped out of it. It did hit me the other week and I was so drab and as soon as I was coming out of it this crap happens.

I miss him too. He isn't my boyfriend just a friend that I haven't spoken to in a long time and it worries me. People tell me that he is alright but I just can't shake the feeling that he isn't. He lives thousands of miles away and I've never met him but we used to talk all the time, at least everyday. Noe it's been almost 5 months since I have even seen him online. They say he is just hanging out with all of his 'asian' friends, which pisses me off a bit. He say'd that he always be here and he's not I just hope and pray that he is alright. My friend told me to give him a call but what would I say. The first thing I want to ask him where the hell he has been and tell him how much I've missed. I guess it shouldn't matter. I'll get over it.
*random* I think I am just worrying too much about everything. I mean I was on edge until recently because my brother had gotten in an accident but nothing happened to him btu I just keep thinking What if he died? I am pretty o.k now though. He got his new car and so it's all good. I am worried about my dad too. He had a heart attack a few months back. He came out of it fine but now he 'cheats' on his ne diet a lot. I mean, that night was the most nerve wrecking night of my life and I don't want it to happen the next time and him end up dead. I don't even know how I would take it.

Oh a happier note. I got back in the swing of talk to my 'bro' I missed him too. He makes me laugh everytime we talk, which is a pretty big deal right now. My friends are suppose to come to my house friday so that will be fun. We are going to con in november and that will be a blast. Marching band starts soon, which I am looking forward to. I need to be normal again...

Peace, Love, and Ramen,
Ley-Chan

dear diary,

well, I finally did it. I called him yesterday. it felt great.. I'm leaving today in the afternoon at 5 to florida. =[. It'll be my first time, ever, on a plane. I can't hardly wait. you'll miss me right?.

I have 2 more posts until I reach my 2100 th post. I swear, I'm obsessed with this. >.<.

kelly.

fun!!! I wanna try.
Dear createblog diary,
My teeth are KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have in these stupid spacers and sonner or later I'm gonna get braces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-Your in pain writer steffie

dear cb diary,

my job sucks. my teacher gave me a lecture about how I'm setting a bad example for the volunteers, and how i'm not doing my job well enough, and maybe I should transfer out. I'm the one who always goes and gets things....all day long. my feet are killing me from walking so much. I do everything she asks me to, I get every supply........grrrrrr @#$%

-michelle

Why did you bring up an old topic? Goodness.

closed

check out the pinned cb diary please.