Profound thoughts for the day..

I just saw my name next to Trish's reading a post, and I thought, "Wow.. those were going to be my wedding colors.."

I was impressed today when my history teacher pronounced my friend's last name correctly - Trottier - on the first attempt. It's Trott-ee-ay.

My cousin drew some pictures for my refrigerator. I like how when you're a kid it doesn't matter if one arm is thicker than the other. By like a thousand percent. With large vertical stripes on it. Like, I'm serious, I thought it was supposed to be a ghost until she said "THAT IS A GINGERBREAD MAN."

I saw Cloverfield today, and was disappointed - not by the movie, but by the fact that the theater was packed and a majority of the crowd was booing at the end because they were too dumb to get it.

When I have children, I'm going to show them the original Star Wars trilogy before even exposing them to the prequels. I can't deprive them of the absolute shock of seeing Empire Strikes Back for the first time. I will allow them to choose whether or not to see the prequels. They will think I'm a loser and they'll make fun of me at school for not being hip, and the fact that I just used the word "hip" proves that.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing on the internet. Does this fit into my life goals? Is it helping or hindering my progress? Am I too dumb to realize that none of this matters? (Yes.)

I say things that I sometimes regret later, and I know while I'm saying it that it's not a good idea. But out of complete hardheadedness I keep going as if I'm rebelling against common sense. I think a lot of self-destruction happens that way.

I think I'm awake right now because I've been so busy this week that I seriously wanted to get as much "me" stuff done tonight as possible before finally closing my eyes. I'm lame.

Good night CB VIPs. ;)

Honestly, I can't really tell if me being online so much is either good for me, or just holding me back. ( Hehe, that's both of us! )

I took a hiatus from everything for a couple days. I drove up the mountains and had some God time. Makes you realize how much crap you're dealing with here.

Until about a year and a half ago I used to take mini breaks every other month (for a weekend). I'd left everything that electronic based at home minus my cell phone (I will always be accessible for my child). I relished those times, just to get clean and uninterrupted perspective. Like a cerebral enema. lol

Not going to lie, I don't like the feeling of being cut off from the rest of the world. There was a period earlier this week when my phone was dead and my charger broke, and then facebook went down...I was sort of freaking out. I think this might make me really, really pathetic, and reminds me a bit of the episode of Daria where they went into the woods to get away from society and then ate hallucinogenic berries, but were saved only because the hypocritical mother couldn't bear to leave her cell phone behind.

I like this topic. This is how I am at 2am. And a lot of the rest of the time. But usually when I'm like this, I have to apologize for it by stressing that it's really late, or else people presume I'm insane.

I used to do that, but then past a certain point I started to like the idea of people thinking I'm crazy.

speaking of electronic hiatuses, I ended up going on a weeklong abstinence from AIM. big deal for me, as for the past 5 years, I have been going on aim 23 hours a day, whether or not I even engage in meaningful/lasting conversations. Ironic, since in the past no matter how many times I have decided to take a break or set out a time frame, I just wasn't able to control myself. This time, the beginning of the abstinence was a completely spontaneous action. There was no "OKAY THIS WEEK I AM QUITTING AIM." Lo and behold, I held out for a week.

As for the 2am looniness, I am like that everyday. My sleeping schedule is almost nonexistent and I live on sleep deprivation. Rarely do my total hours amount to over 3, and yet I am the person who seems least likely to be sleep deprived. Hyper as f**king hell, I have more energy than those that sleep 3x as much as I do. The thing is, I have yet to fix this. I know that I'm going to die prematurely due to the over exhaustion of my kidneys or liver or some shit like that, but I just don't have the self control to fix this aspect of my life.

Well, I was supposed to talk about my craziness. The thing is, the best time to get to know me is at 2 am, when I have no verbal filters, no emotional inhibitions, and no barriers. I make the most, and least sense during those in between hours.

Honestly, I've always found it to be a miracle that we all know each other so well. I like having the comfort of other friends when I'm at home alone. :P It will be interesting to see how everyone turns out years from now... I don't think it doesn't matter. :]

The only problem with electronics is it becomes a 120-watt disease.

Adorable.

You know, it is strange how well we know each other. I've never been a part of a community where everyone refers to one another on a strictly first name basis. I think what attracted me to the community aspect of cb was the fact that this is such a tightly knit group of people. It just seemed cozy.

That having been said there are people here I've gotten very close to and I would refer to them as friends. I guess it's different looking at it from an outside perspective, though. People who aren't around here don't understand it. XD

I think I may start taking a break and going away once a month and just getting away from it all.

I think the same as I do at any given time of the day haha. My brain just works 24/7. it never shuts down. I guess that's why it's so hard for me to fall asleep.