Dear cB diary,

It's my birthday in a week. I'm so freaking excited. I really hope it turns out as I plan it to be...I'm just so damned paranoid not enough people will give me their money for the bus! Ack. I need a few more still but oh well. In the meantime, school is keeping me busy (yet here I am on cB venting) ... so many projects! Its crunch time and that's not cool. Seriously. I just want it all done, done, done and for my birthday and Christmas break to just get here already.

holy man, this semester is almost over. SO much stuff to do before then, but being this scared and stressed out is what i need i think. cuz holy mother of god i've never had such an emotional semester. SO much has frickin happened to me! i've changed so much. first there was D :( but he just got offered a job! starts monday. he was only out for three weeks, so proud of him, he'll be back on his feet. if only him and M could be happier, i feel so bad for them. but not my problem. and then of course the biggest break up of my life. which i know i'm making a huge mistake by still hanging out with him so much. he still loves me and now that i'm dating other people it'll be weird if he keeps kissing me and stuff. definitely have to act as friends now. but yeah! J! omg, i can't believe that happened. haven't been that giddy in a while. it was a fun date. but that still threw me off. guys will be guys:(. but he's in toronto now so i don't have to worry. and C! cuter every week, hopefully we'll hang out more next semester. and C, i CAN'T wait for our little date! that'll be one my mom will be more excited for than me! but i do hope things work out with your girlfriend, if not then it's not meant to be. glad we're still good friends though. D... it's a very close friendship isn't it? but it's just that. i know she said that but she doesn't really know... and M! OMG SHE'S YOUR f**kING FIANCEE! WAY TO LEAVE OUT THAT TINY LITTLE DETAIL!!! you NEVER ONCE corrected me, said she's just your girlfriend. you're f**king engaged! i can't believe you. i feel even worse for flirting back with you now all these months. i won't do this. talk to me when i'm not the one you turn to because your relationship is failing. i trusted you.
MEN! omg they're all the same. i'm afraid of my cell phone, every time it goes off it's someone else. i mean i'm FLATTERED and this is what i WANTED in breaking up with him, but you gotta be careful what you wish for. it's very fun at times but not when it gets this complicated. i have to be so careful. but luckily i can talk to her about it:). oh god this is such new territory for me. gotta be smart about this.

Dear cB Diary,

I hate competing with her. I don't even want to! and just because she got _ instead of _, doesn't mean she deserves _. I shouldn't have even told her to sign up. Ohh and J is getting on my nerves Can't she get some of her own? All of them are from mine.. I regret telling her to join. Gah and now I have to do my STUUUUUPID bio project that's due on Wednesday. My story for the project sucks, I have to do the pathetic Venn Diagram, I still didn't do anything with the clay or the styrofoam or anything.

School =

and I wish _ came tomorrow.. I seriously.. need.. to buy.. the PLGC

Dear cB diary,

I'll be 17 in less than two months. Jeez.

I didn't tell T how I felt after all. She and I talked for a long time and caught up on basically everything, so the feeling just vanished. I'm glad for that. I didn't know how to bring it up anyway.

Dear cB diary,

I wish I could knock some sense into him, and make him understand that he's going about this the wrong way.

Also, I've missed Brendan. It's nice to have him back.

Dear Cb Diary,

I didn't think that it had much power over me anymore. But out of the blue, when I haven't really thought of him in awhile, I dream of him. In extremely romantic, sappy detail. Does this mean I still... love him? That I still miss him?

They always say that dreams show your soul's deepest secrets or something. Maybe I've just pushed it back too far to see it or feel it anymore, except in my dreams.

Dear cB Diary,

I can't believe my _ didn't come. Wtf? So it's going to come while I'm at school? Arghh.. I hate this.

Dear cB diary,

I was feeling pretty bad over the break, but I feel better now. I just had to change my attitude.

Dear CB diary
I forgot how good really having friends felt.
When they called and asked us to hang out yesterday it made my night. And when we got there and they said we were their favorite people to see and everyday they hope we come over I felt an overwhelmed with a feeling I thought I'd never feel again. I always thought that after my high school friends started going our separate ways that would be it.

It seems like they aren't making new friends, but I wish dearly they would. We are all different people now and it feels so GREAT to hang out with people because you have shit in common with them, and they make you laugh. I am tired of hanging out with my high school friends because all we ever do is talk about high school. We can't hang out for 5 minutes without someone saying "you remember the basement...." or "you remember how close we used to be...".

hey
frigado. i am screwed. have to finish that damn correspodence.
and man, i dont want to get radiation... too much stress. maybe ill cozy up by the fire with my drawing pad, and just laze.

Dear cB Diary,

Ahhh can't wait until tomorrow! adgjalsdgkj and I thought _ didn't like me.. turns out she did even though she doesn't show it I am going to SERIOUSLY learn the Tell Me or 한번더, ok? dance tonight (NLW!) I'm going to spend the night ZD/BW-ing.. and Tell Me

lalaaa can't wait for tomorrow!

dear cB,
guess who's back?! lol. yeah it's been a long time since i've been here. a lot has happened. some good, and a lot bad, but you know everything happens for a reason, and i learn from my mistakes. lol. anyways...SATs are tomorrow morning and i can't sleep at all. i guess it's all good lol. ah well, i suppose i leave it at that...i should be around more often though [: tah.

Dear cB diary,

I can't wait for the 28th. I'm happy that it's already December!

Dear cB Diary,

omgomgomg I'm so happy GAHH they're so nice! I'm so glad they got it for me. And I'm so glad that _ suddenly decided to stop being a bitch to me. And that _ isn't copying me anymore. My life just got better

Dear Cb Diary
I went to see Disney's Movie called Enchanted today and I LOVED IT and it was flippin freezing outside people who live in the south and California are very Lucky.

Dear cB Diary,

I hope I can learn it soon I want to show _ & _ at recess. But why does _ _ have to be on freaking Monday Why couldn't they choose it on like, Thursday? That would make my life so much easier..

dear cb diary,
well. i ate too much again today.
stress level is really taking its toll.

i think ill take a jog around the block... clear my mind a bit.

Dear cB diary,
He's dissapointed me again.
How. Shameful.

I need to get the hell out of here. xD I'm not going to last long if this keeps on going.

Dear cb diary,

Why do I feel like this right now? I honestly just don't understand.

Dear cB diary,

Patience is a virtue. Must remember that. It's not THAT long till the 26th...

Dear cB Diary,

I should stop waiting for "it". Not that I'm going to even get tickets for the small thing anyway. It'll just make my trip there even worse Geez.. I dream too much..

Do I like A?!

MEN!! they're all the same. the creepy ones with the penises on their foreheads can go f**k themselves. but i guess the cute and honest ones can stick around:). I can't believe him, that came out of f**king no where. i'm just gonna become a fat nun, that's all. but not if it means that C will like me:). whatever, what happens, happens. VIP!!! omg i'm even more f**king excited!!! what luck! and i'm so happy for him, his first real relationship. i'm sure everyone will be accepting, and if not then they can go f**k themselves too. got my outfit!!! omg it's gonne be HOT!! i never dress like that:). and for once my butt will get more attention than my boobs! it'll be a nice change. and hopefully P is actually coming!! that'd be so fun, i'll dance with her lots:). and I'll stick with L lots too, we'll beat off all the creepers. M will if I don't anyway:P. i'm glad we're doing so good. omg it's gonna be such a good night!! but seriously... men... they think they're so smooth. every single one of them has told me i'm beautiful and that they love my eyes. the same line every freaking time. you're not special, you don't impress me, so leave me alone. although J calling me adorable was very much appreciated, i know he's not interested in that way. i love friends! i love school! i love work! i love dance! i love singing and playing the piano! life is good:). i guess creepers are a small price to pay. too hot for my own good:P. K, now i know what it was like for you in high school!

Dear cB diary,

Three weeks!

Found out something unexpected today, haha.

Dear cB Diary,

Ahhhh 9 days until she can come again! I can't wait! :]

But seriously, _______ makes it so obvious I'm so happy though, that when I told him to repeat after me (831) he did! Ahhh.. Even though he didn't mean it haha Orchestra is freaking a n n o y i n g and I really don't want to go right now. But *sigh* I have to because the director is going to bitch at me if I don't.. Fantaisie is so annoying aldksjgalsdkf. Argh.

Dear cB diary,

First good day in awhile. So much fun. Shopping, and catching up with her was fun, and I'm so glad she agrees, haha. That was awesome. But yeah, bought lots of great stuff and then I was able to go to a dance class for the first time in months and it felt sooo good. I missed it so damn much.

My bf truly makes me so happy. It has been 2 years and 3 months and the passion and butterflies are still growing. I cannot imagine life without him. And that scares me because we are still so young.

Dear CbD.
I am screwed for tomorrow (today) because I am on facebook looking at the bumper sticker application instead of finishing 6.5 more paragraphs for my last paper and my cover letter that is due in about 9 hours. I also have my last psych exam tomorrow that I don't know anything about! Exciting yes?

Dear cB Diary,

Is she serious? HAHAHA. She thinks that we'll believe that she didn't like anyone for 6 six years? That's probably the worst lie I've ever heard of yet. I think that ____ is kind of.. starting to ______. I think I am, too! I shouldn't be, all I needed him was for.. to make T ______. I sound like a bitch now

dear cb diary,

i cant wait to see the looks on their faces when they get their letters from santa. i have a lot of work a head of me... 39 responses.... ho ho ho :)

i dont even give a flick about correspondence anymore. doomed to fail.

i'm so freaking tired!!! but tomorrow it'll be one step closer to holiday:). i just gotta get through tonight and tomorrow's presentation, i should be ready enough. hopefully :S. but what a crazy day! i had no idea that's what they had been filming at school, and then i bump into him downtown! funny how in real life they're just regular people. he's about as tall as he looks too, camera doesn't really trick us there. but anyway, that was cool. piano was fun, got my shirt! it's comfy:). and that was a fun little get-together. i like hanging out with the older ensembles. :( if only i had time to be in the mainstage, it'd be SUCH AN AMAZING experience. but i can't give up dance just yet, i'm getting so good! next year i'll be in productions again.

: How could I think that I'm strong enough? This f**king sucks.

Dear cB Diary,

IT'S SO FREAKING COLD! and mom's not letting me go to Starbucks/DD with Karolyn or Nicole or anyone else.. It's so dark outside, too.. I want to light my fireplace but I can't.. and why did Delalla have to retire! Even though she was really hard, she actually KNEW English.. unlike Mrs. Starer who's the worst freaking sub in the world.. Mrs. Starer just freaking reads straight from the book and doesn't know how to teach. She's so annoying and she can't debate. She doesn't let the other "side" of the issue talk. She just makes them shut up. She's f**king annoying and pisses me off. I'm so impatient with her. She's freaking immature and makes those stupid sound effects when we read (?!). She talks toooo much and explains everything too much. and ever since she head about Delalla's retirement, she thinks she's the permanent teacher now, even though they still have to find one. Um, she's not.. now she acts like she f**king owns the f**king classroom when SHE DOESN'T. She's not our permanent sub, so she should stop acting like one. She makes up her own freaking rules and is just so stupid..

and I'm so pissed that V copied me A G A I N. I seriously can't take this anymore. Karolyn should stop telling her that stuff God! She doesn't even know them. And she probably adds every single f**king thing that we tell her about just to increase the count. Bitch

hey. its me.

i think the old toes are stuck to the floorboards. so cold.
i hope tomorrow goes as planned and i can get some of the work done.

and sunday, well... that should be amazing <3

my throat is itchy.

Dear Cb Diary,

A might be mad at me There's no reason for her to be. I only ASKED if I could show her picture. She said no, so I didn't. I didn't even pretend like I was going to... And I haven't talked to her or done anything else to possibly make her mad! How flippy is she?

dear cB,
i'm so happy it's finally getting colder here! it's been so effing hot! lol. grr can't stand hot weather. i mean i like it, but you know what i mean. lol. i can't wait until winter break! <3 i wish to see Thuan so badly. i miss him super much ! i hope he's doing okay over there. i know he's been really upset lately, but there's nothing i can do really. i just hope he'll be okay until winter break. hopefully i'll be able to visit him. if i don't i'm going to effing cry. ]: anyways, i'm thinking about quitting Hollister. it's like way too much stress, but it's not even worth it. the hours are crap and the pay is crap. so yeah. i suppose i can hold it out until Christmas though...i think. i hope so because i really can't stand it anymore. i'll just stick with Far East. atleast she doesn't jip me too much with my hours. lol. anyways. i have ACTs tomorrow morning. i should really get to sleep, but you know me...haha. i shouldn't stay up any longer though. i'm going to be tired. so i guess this is my good night [:

Dear cB Diary,

UGHH my weekend's already over. I'll probably wake up at 9 or 10 tomorrow, take a shower, get ready, go to flute, come back, eat lunch, go on the computer for a little while, go to church EARLY tomorrow (!!??!!) for confession, do mass, do Sunday school (FREAKKK ugh) and come back at 7, eat dinner, and try to do all my homework assignments until 12. and I have f**kING morning service on Monday. This shit sucks!

My life.. is too predictable. Not fun

holy shit. what a day, and what a night to top it off. i'm EXHAUSTED. but omg, i can't even find the words to re-live it all. very good up until that point. poor baby. but she's so brave, i know she'll get through this. and if anything it brought us all even closer together:). i love them so so so so so much. i don't want to trade any moment i spend with them. the entire day was just... *sigh* perfect. it's the reason i'm in theatre.

I'M SO f**kING EXCITED I'M SO f**kING EXCITED I'M SO f**kING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to go study now:P

Dear cB Diary,

I'm freaking tired as hell. My head f**king hurts and I had to wake up early today/wake up early tomorrow, and I have so many freaking essays and homework assignments.

I think I'm going to faint

Dear cB diary,

I have no motivation to study for my finals whatsoever. Its gross. I really need to but I just can't right now.

I need them to be over nowwww.

Dear Cb Diary

today I so aced a test in drama class yay!

Dear cB Diary,

Thank you.

Dear cBD,

I hate this. I might as well have my heart ripped out now.

Dear cB diary,

Unbelievable.

Dear cBD,

Things just never go my way, huh?

Dear cB Diary,

I am SO FREAKING UNBELIEVABLY TIRED. I'm sick of everything: GS, orchestra, the other orchestra, the JCC orchestra, the school orchestra, band, flute, FC, the JCC a. flute ensemble, what the FREAK? I seriously can't handle this.. fatigue anymore. I sleep way too late from procrastinating and my iPod doesn't freaking work and my phone is f**ked up and I have to do so many other things but I don't have the time. My stupid reading thing is due in January but I haven't even started it. My freaking stupid ass teacher/sub is NOT funny and is a stupid wannabe who's annoying and pisses everyone off. and I hate going to 8 different flute-related things. It's annoying and T I R I N G

I need some sleep.

Dear Santa Clause my fluffy little pink CB Diary,
Why am I constantly this bitchy and annoying? I /know/ I am, and I /know/ the majority of people think I am, so why can't I stop? I try so hard...I want my old me back. Even just a little bit of my old me would make me happy. Ok, atleast for a while. Screw this, can I just have my friends in a red toy bag for christmas?!

Dear CB diary,
I feel so HAPPY. It's like my whole life is looking up, it wasn't bad before, but my new friends keep reminding me how AMAZING life is.
It's like being 15 all over again, except less drama and more common sense. I never knew what I was missing in life and it turned out to be real friendships with someone other than John. I can talk to these people for hours and get their opinions and hear their stories, but with my old friends if I tried to express something they just nodded or looked at me like I was dumb. Someone got pretty mad at me Saturday for not inviting her to a party, but she doesn't even know my friends and it wasn't my party. I really think I am just trying to cut ties with her, even though I feel really bad for it. She isn't good for me.
John and I got a puppy . We are practicing family life and so far it's working pretty well. Henry is WONDERFUL. He loves his mommy.
I am REALLY excited to see NOFX even though it's 3 months away I feel like it's tomorrow.

Dear cB Diary,

Yaay half day today Omg I think AC saw me with my phone and now he knows.. I'm so happy, I didn't want to seem desperate and I don't to tell him.. All I have to do now is show it to him indirectly

History is hell.