ciao cb diary,

i dont get algebra!!! i try, i really do! all i need to do is get my grade up 5 points in two weeks so my mom doesnt kill me.... i dont know what to do. when im in class i get it, and then when i get home it totaly drops from my mind!!!

~Bia

dear cb diary.

i am visiting my middle school right now. and i'm using the NEW computers. it seems like only yesterday i was sitting in this seat in the 8th grade, doing my work. and i'm graduating in two months.

wow, how time flies.

Dear cbd.

miguel & i broke up lastnight/thismorning. I am dying. at least it feels like i am. (currently listening to: Beyonce // Irreplaceable)
diary, i am hurt. very very hurt. i want to work things out but i really have no idea what is going to happen.



i wish mommy would kiss my heart booboo & make it feel better.

dear cb diary

i hate the cb diary thread

^^
Well too bad for you. =p Lol


Dear cB diary,

School is depressing as I still do not know what I really want to do. AGH.

dear cb diary

my stomach hurts.
my head is throbbing.
i want to eat lunch.
and school is a reincarnation of hell.
thats all i have to say

~B

holy shit. that's all i can say. again, everything happens for a reason. but wow, if i ever needed a sign more than anything to slow down, it'd be getting into a car crash. it's out of my hands now, let's hope it continues to work out in my favour.
it was like out of a movie, goes silent right before you hit; right when you realize you're gonna crash. then the noise comes on full blast after you do, but that's partly cuz my purse flew forward and turned up the volume button on my radio. definitely not proud of what happened, but i feel it's a story i gotta tell people. it's making me appreciate little things, and forcing me to start heading back to a life where i'm not rushing around and having to be in ten places at once.
i have so much support:). it's amazing how many friends are there for me:). and C, i still can't get over how good he is to me. and how much he means to me. i didn't expect to like him and now here i am head over heels! gosh there's so much time now, which is wonderful cuz i've got so much to do. i was the youngest one to get in! i can't wait for this course, i just have to be a part of the whole process.
ok, got lots to do, ttyl.

LOL WTF.

Adobe Flash Player you are a mother f**king bitch! i wish you would die!
i want to watch my twilight clip
BUT I CANT!
f**k you, who ever made Adobe Flash Player....






okay... okay... deep cleansing breaths...

Dear cB Diary,

Screw her. Ugh, she's such a stupid.. why did she even have to do that..

dear cb diary

as much as i love my friends, i really can't stand them sometimes. oxymoronic, i know. but thats just how they are. and i miss someone, its okay to miss them though, its not like anything happened between us. they were being a jerk to me though so i shouldn't miss them. stupid ass little kid.

ib exams are in two weeks. i should be fearing for my life and yet i'm not, which to me is funny. college starts in june for me. i'm excited.

Dear cB Diary,
What is wrong with me? That is the constant question on my mind lately. Seriously - I need to straighten out my feelings, my head, everything. Straighten out my life. Thank goodness school is over in 2 weeks but I really need to bring it together and get (almost) straight A's in order to be put in the teaching program. I am hoping to work my ass off all summer to save money and pay off my increasing debt. I need to win the lottery. I need to see/talk to _____. I need to pass all my finals. I need to clean my room - which right now seems like an accurate interpretation of my life. Anyone willing to help...? That would be nice...

Dear CB;

Besides facebook, you are my new procrastination for papers and I find it terrible. I came home around 5:45pm so that I can start my paper and sleep normally however it is 4:20am and I am still.. no where near done. i've only editted a few sentences and started some topic sentences for potiential paragraphs. I have 3 pages now and I'm suppose to have 10 by 11am to hand in. I also apparently have a presentation infront of the class or whatever and yet my "group" has never contacted. I am so f**ked.

OMG EWW I SEE THIS HUGE BUG THAT WAS ON THE WALL NOW ON THE FLOOR SOMEONE KILL IT :[ It's disgusting and I don't even want to look in the direction it was at. omg, help me ):

goddamnit I feel like posting except I'd feel like a spammer if no one else does it with me.

YAY!!!!!!!! omg i'm so relieved:D:D:D:D:D:D:D, muahahah see, wasn't my fault. now i'll get my $300 deductible back too. still a little uncomfortable with driving but i hope to jump back on the bandwagon with that soon. i love driving, i just gotta be super careful, and i'm hyper sensitive to potential accidents now so i should be ok.
so happy:). my weekends have been kicking ass. i love my theatre friends and miss them, but i've loved spending so much time with the right night crew. they're a killer fantastic group. and i'm sure i'll see my ensemble soon enough. and hopefully L, B, and A, cuz i miss them tons.
so happy, things are going splendidly:)

dear cb diary,

the sleepless nights (literally), the constant studying, the constant stress...has temporarily ended. i am done with finals. my sophmore year is basically complete. it is one of the most bittersweet moments. i am so happy, but i don't want to leave here yet. i want to go home, but i don't. i want to see friends and family, but i cherish the time i have here so much.

the sounds of residents, my residents-screaming in their euphoria makes me smile so big :) they are so excited to go home and the traffic of cars blocking the buildings, parents hustling with boxes-empty up, filled to the brim going down-brings me back memories of last year when i was doing the exact same thing.

sophmore year was gooooood. better than my freshman year and a lot faster.

~teesa

Dear cB diary,
I can't wait till tonight. Planning to see my boyfriend. These past days where me and him have hung out were wonderful. But nothing can compare to yesterday.
I miss my bestfriends. :/ I haven't been able to see them in awhile. Hopefully this Saturday I can hang out before I go to six flags on Fathers' Day.
Everything's going good right now cept I'm really aggravated with my order today. My family all got phones. My order was wrong. So now I have to wait till my mom comes back home to exchange the phones. I forgot when she's gonna get home. But, I need to get my phone... I miss texting. That's so sad. But whatever.

-Melissa

Dear cB diary,

I'm so not ready for that midterm. And I feel fat yet I keep eating like crap and not exercising. I need to get motivated and fast. Seriously. This sucks. That diet was good but then I binged after. Godamn.

Okay well im sierra and my life at the moment is pretty wacked.
Well i just did my exams and did really bad on them...like nearly failed.
for maths i got 49% but maths is retarted so i dont care. in sbe i did okay 79% could have done better. and i broke up with my boyfriend right before exams and i was upset kind of so i didnt really study.

well my ex's name is sam and he's my family friend. i liked him for a while but then he asked me out like a few weeks after i stopped liking him, guys are idiots. so i said yes because i felt bad but i didnt really want to go out with him because i liked him too much as a friend. so yeah i said yes and i only went out with him twice, but we never hooked up or n e thing (i no disapointing) and it was sooo awkward he like never talked. so im like to him on msn;yes i know harsh. im breaking up with you because i had no time, but it was actually because he never talked and i liked him too much as a friend. so that was like 2 months ago and we have only spoken twice. yes i know i used him but i didnt know what to do because if i said no he wouldnt have talked to me probs. i feel bad but i stopped before n e thing happened.

i play for 2 netball teams and 1 basketball team. i have my saturday netball grandfinal in a few days super excited and i have the thurs night one soonish i think and just started the bball season. i think im playing alright in netball, best i've ever played according to a few ppl so thats good. but in bball omg im playing soo bad, won b&f 3 seasons in a row and now this, its coz i have netball when bball training is so thats what i think. plus there is so much bitchyness in my team that its kind of falling apart and im not enjoying it as much so thats sad.

well im off because mum told me so, annoying much??
more details soon...
xx cya

Dear CB diary,
These past days have been wonderful! Planning to keep that up. Six flags was amazing. A little late there, but what the hell. We left a little early though, because we all got a little sick. I have a problem. I ended up riding too many rollercoasters over and over. I didn't puke though(:

Spending 3 hours with my boyfriend was spectacular after hanging with him and J. We got our alone time. We don't get alone time often. I enjoyed that. I haven't stopped thinking about that night either.

Our third month comes up in two days. Glad to say I'll be spending time with him, again. :D I'm buying a CD for him for a early birthday present. His real birthday is on July 8. I've already got something in mind for a present. I'm hoping he'll like what I give him. I'm not sure what he'll end up doing for his birthday. I don't mind a party with him, but I don't mind just me and him either. But I'm sure he'd like to be with his friends so it MIGHT end up being a group of friends hanging out. Ah well. I don't mind.

My nailpolish is coming off. I need to repaint it. Although I'm lazy as usual. :P

-Melissa

Dear cB diary,

Went to the movies today with some friends and saw Get Smart. The Chuck Norris line was hilarious. And it's nice that me and Jon are friends again.

I really wish I could have gotten to know Mark, but now he's leaving... So sad. He was definitely boyfriend material lol...

I grabbed the wrong brush. I need a concealer brush, not an eyeshadow one It's such a hassle to drive so much just to get one little thing.

Going to California in a few days. Very exciting.

Dear cb diary,
my computer is f**cking IRRITATING!
i'm going to sleep.

goodnight cbers. <3

Dear cB diary,

I can't stop thinking about it. Fack. This is stressing me out way too much...

Dear cb diary,
I hope everything turns out better...
Maybe I need a break. I don't know.

Dear cB Diary,

I'm scared. And paranoid as hell. What happens if it doesn't go through? I'm screwed. Sure something could've just gone wrong and my letter will be in my mailbox tomorrow, but still...I know I don't deserve to be there. f**kkk. Please let everything be okay and just let it be some minor error. I feel like I've been walking on eggshells for the past year and a half. It sucks that my future is riding on this. I wish I hadn't screwed up so much. If there was ever one regret that I've had, it's that. Just...I HOPE that somehow, someway, it's all just me being super weirded out and all, because if it isn't, I honestly think that the last seventeen years & the next however many years I'm alive will be a waste. GAHHH.

Dear CB diary,
I f**king miss you. It's times like these that I miss you most. When it's late and I am up, I know you are still up wherever you are. I miss driving around late at night with nowhere to go, listening to the shins, just finding random beautiful places to think and get high. I miss talking to you, hearing your laugh, I even miss the way you drummed on everything around you, the way you always spaz. I miss staying up all night talking to you and not being afraid. I miss those nights I stayed at my grammas without you, and stayed up all night talking to you on MySpace, because I was too afraid to call. I miss sleeping next to you, I miss waking up next to you. I miss sharing cigarettes and dreams. I miss all the early days when I could trust every word you said, and I even miss every bullshit lie you told me near the end. But, mostly I just miss my friend. We both know how toxic we are together relationship-wise, but can't we just try to be friends? I promise to quit blaming you when you quit blaming yourself. I promise to never let Steven be mean for no reason. I promise that it will be worth the awkwardness at first. I promise I will quit acting out to hurt you.
It hurts me so bad that I meant so little to you that you can just walk away and not care. What happened to all those things you said that day? What happened to never being able to really live without me? I kept telling you that you didn't mean those things you said to me. I guess I just hope you will realize it one day, too, so you will quit getting my hopes up. I remember letting you be the first person to ever really get to know me, I let all my guards down and let you see all of me, because I didn't want you to love me for who I was all the time, I wanted you to love me when I am crazy, and with all my depressing mind rants. It seems after I really let my guard down you put one up.
And, just so you know (or don't) I got Steven's name tattooed on me. I know I said I'd never do it, but, I knew that would be the thing that sent you over the edge. I'm sorry. Let's start over, shall we?

Dear cb diary,

I can't seem to let go of you. It's been over two months, and I've barely even seen your face since summer started. I knew I was going in way over my head when I fully committed myself to our relationship. I knew that one day it could end and that I would have to deal with the pain, the heartbreak...all the seemingly impossible hardships that would follow the breakup. But I never braced myself for it. I LET myself fall down, into this dark hole, and pretty much self-prevented myself from getting back up. I've never felt so lonely in so long, if ever. I was living in hell since the end of May through mid-June. Since then it's gotten a lot better, but I still think about you EVERY SINGLE DAY and I miss you. I miss jumping on your bed, letting go of the world and laughing and being a dork with you, being intimate with you, having your little kisses on my forehead, hanging out with your mom and pops, talking on the phone for hours each night, tickling each other, going to Mels with you, watching movies with you, cuddling with you, writing you love notes all the time, holding your hand, kissing your lips, feeling safe in your arms...I was SO not at all prepared for losing all of that. I let myself crash, and for the first time in a year you weren't there to save me. I am so blessed and grateful to have been with you. You are a great person, and i really do want you to be happy. I just wish I could be happy. I mean I am...but I feel so empty. Everything is just alright, but a part of me always feels missing. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish that I could have saved us before it was too late, before you walked out of my life. Things will never be the same as they used to be. I am almost sure that you've moved on and I've run out of chances. I'm sure you think of me sometimes, or at least I hope you do. And I don't know what you did with our poster, my letters, or the pictures on your phone. Maybe it's better that I don't know. Now I feel like most guys are jerks and that no one could treat me the same way you treated me. It's hard for me to trust people now, like I have a guard up. But damn this is depressing I should really stop...life goes on.

--Cheryl

Dear cB diary,

I miss you so much. You need to come home. This whole distance shit is killing me. I was so happy you called last night though. It made my whole day. It killed me not to talk to you much the past couple days. I just hate being annoying while you're vacationing with your family and best friend. You asked me why I never text you. Well yes, that is the reason. AH! I need to get over that.

It made me so happy to know that your best friend has a girlfriend though. I didn't know that. It made me feel better knowing that he's not down there looking for ladies. You know?

I don't know why I'm stuck on that either. I know you said that you would never cheat on me, but I guess I'm just so cursed from my ex doing that to me. I like you too much. It would kill me if you did anything like that to me.


+Jessica

i forgot about this thread.

dear cb diary

everything's been so crazy since i've last posted here, lmao. i got out of a relationship, did ib exams, GRADUATED, started college, met lots of cool people, quit my boring job, been to a couple college get-togethers, and a mess load more. but overall, things are pretty awesome in the summer. i am OBSESSED with the dark knight; heath ledger was amazing.

honestly, i do miss you. i miss what we were. things ended pretty seriously. you probably don't know but i learned to forgive you and i actually want to try to be friends. but its probably not the right time, like a lot of people say. i just hope you learn to put things behind you, like i did.

my parents make me regret staying in miami. i chose to stay in miami so they don't spend so much money, but they're making me regret it a lot. ughhhh. things better get better around here. or i might leave sooner then i thought.

i'm on cb because i don't want to do my anthropology report. ughhh, three to five pages. how horrid. and i'm finding any little excuse to not do it. even though, i should since it is due in about 23 hours. lmao.

- yours truly.

Dear CB diary,
So i like a boy...
& it's been a while but he's so much fun to be with.
i don't think i remember what to do.

dear cb diary,

it's about 2:20 am right now and i cannot sleep. i tried to a little while ago, but i am feeling like a zombie.

about a week ago, i was totally fine with where i was at in life. i was having fun and i've had a good summer. then, something changed and i realized that a part of me does not want to live with them. and they are my friends. good friends. and maybe i should have thought harder about whether or not i wanted to be a ra again. i mean, was it really all that bad?? it's funny how when you don't have something, you think of all the positive things, but when you do have something, you tend to focus on the negative.

my parents visited the house for the first time tonight. and they completely disliked it, not that i could blame them. i'm going to take the smaller room because i don't want the moron to hate me. i just e-mailed my hall director about my issues. but she probably won't write back until monday and i am getting so anxious.

oh gosh. i don't know what to do. someone tell me what to do. oh gosh.

Dear Cb diary:

You haven't talked to me in about 2 months. That Dakota f****t literally ripped you away from me. I need you back.

Dear cB diary,

i woke up feeling like it was just another day, but when i looked in the mirror i felt all of the emotions pile on my shoulders. and still i denied the tears from falling. how could i be stupid enough to let her back in to my life. she was a dead end and now im still stuck in the same maze playing her game. i dont understand how i could have been so weak. her kisses disguise the real her and in the moment that our lips touch she is all i know...
my hunt for a way out is still under way. & until then my skies will be forever cloudy cause i'll never let the rain fall.

Dear CB diary,
I cannot sleep. My head is set on spin. I miss you so much. It seem that no matter where I go or what I do I just can't get away from your face, or your singing, or your amazing skills. I just really really miss you, I guess. I remember when everything you do you did for me. I will never forget that. God, how I wish you would have loved me. It's just not fair that I have to settle. You don't even care anymore. I knew you wouldn't I tried to tell you that you only missed me because we had just broken up. I remember when you told me you stood in the back of the shower for old times sake and I thought it was so silly, but I find myself doing that just day dreaming about you being there. Or, I'll find myself so close to the places we used to live our lives together, rather than the ripped up torn apart mess I seem to be living now.
I am scared that monday when I'm all f**ked up and out of it I am going to cry for you. I hope I can keep myself together just enough to not let that happen. But, I don't think you will ever know what missin' you means. And it's not even fair because you are still single and I have a perfect wonderful amazing boyfriend that loves me with every ounce of himself. I just don't see how in spite of that I'm the lonely one.

I miss your cadders and keeses. I know how you hated to give them too me, but these days I'd f**king kill for one.

I just want to come home.

Dear cB diary,

I can't help but keep thinking of all these stupid negative things that I have to worry about...my final...money problems...plans in the next two weeks...just...everything. And my day was going pretty good until about 15 minutes ago. What the hell?

How can I break it to him that yes it bothers me even though I clearly know it shouldn't and that its fine....ugh. I need a vacation away from the world.

Summer is ending bittersweetly right now.

Dear CB diary.
I am so crushed. It feels like J and A just died. I know they are alive, but that doesn't mean they are okay. I'm so worried about them, about me, about steven. Everything was just starting to fall into place and work out. I hadn't been this excited about anything in a very long time, and now I probably won't see 2 of my best friends ever again. I miss them already and it's only been 2 days. I find myself wanting to call them all the time, only to the realization I won't be able to talk to them anymore. That f**king breaks my heart.
And, Steven just keeps letting me down. Maybe I expect to much of him, but he promised me the world and I hold people to their promises. He made sure I would hold him to that. I just don't understand why he is never here anymore, he was gone until 6 in the f**king morning yesterday. Any other girl would have f**king flipped, but I didn't say anything. And today he was supposed to be here to get me before 3 and it's almost 4. I got all dressed up, fixed my hair up, did my makeup just the way he likes, put on his favorite perfume, and he's not here. I need him now, more than before. I know he's just as worried about them as I am, but I need someone to talk to about it. And all this after we had a talk just last week about how I hate that he always leaves me home alone for hours and hours at a time. It seems since I said that he has done it 10 fold.
And, for the record, I'm sorry. I'm SO sorry. I saw the hurt in your eyes when I showed you, I see the way you look at me now. It's not really what you think it is, but then again you should know that if you know me at all.

Dear CB Diary,

Things are getting somewhat better after whats happened the past few days. Still i dont think i can forive my parents for invading my personal privacy that way.
Me and my dad still dont connect well although he said "i love you" to me which was literally the first time he ever said that in months.
Its kind of dissapointing though that he has to say that now when things are crummy around the house and doesnt have the chance to say that when things are going fine.
Hopefully things will shape up better.

Dear CB Diary,

I have done pretty much nothing in the past 5 days. I had oral surgery, I realize how much it sucks. I put my blog into feedburner and I have only one person subscribing (my brother, through e-mail) I realize that getting anyone to read your blog in it self is a hard task.
- Molecular Studios

dear cb diary,

school starts again on monday! my junior year! craziness. even though my last post was utterly depressing, i am feeling so much better now that my parents and i have moved my stuff in into the bigger room. i realized i had to stand my ground and i know i am going to be comfortable in it

and even though it's super early, i know i am going to be a resident advisor again for my senior year. it's just a lot simpler. a lot of work, but still simpler in many ways. i just knew that i would regret not living off campus if i had lived in the dorms for all four years. i am getting happy again, and i love the feeling.

i just want to help her. i don't want her lying to me because i will not let anyone lie to my face. i hope i can help her.

-teesa

dear cb diary

i've been ghost from cb. i feel bad because i miss it. but i've been so busy lately. i just got a new job, which i love, and then i had camp the past couple days, which was amazing, and now classes are starting on monday, which i am excited for, lol. i don't know if i'll have time to even go online at all.

on another note, my close friends departed to their colleges while i was gone. i'm seriously going to miss them, most of them going to uf, one at ucf, some are here in miami, but it won't be the same without all of us together. but we'll see each other again, lol, my friend and i are planning a trip up in september, hahaa.

p.s. - i found myself again at camp. i'm not scared anymore. it was probably one of the best experiences of my life.

- yours truly

Dear cB diary,

Seriously, its just a stream of bad luck and its freaking depressing right now. First my laptop, and now I find out my classes aren't working the way I wanted...what is one person gonna do huh? I just want to be in a class with people I know do good work. Fack. I can't believe summer is already over.

I have been having the worst week ever.
I just got electricity today. There was a f**king hurricane in Ohio, I still can't believe it. I have an electric water heater, so today was also the first day I could take a shower and not nearly freeze to death. I either gave my food away, or it went bad, so now I'm starving. We have a boil advisory on water, and I didn't know that since I didn't have power, so I have been drinking dirty nasty unfiltered water all week. I sprained my hand trying to walk in the dark, every gas station around is price gouging, it's almost impossible to find cigarettes, and if you do find them you have to wait in line for half a f**king hour. I waited in a two and a half hour line for gas.
I hope this is a good weekend. I can't take any more of this shit.

Steven ditched me ALL f**kING DAY again today.
It gave me time to read all my old messages, all our old messages, and I cried for you. Did you know it's been nearly 4 months since we really talked. 4 months since I heard I love you come from your mouth. You've been with her for 4 months, too. I heard you call her babe and it tore me up. I know you aren't f**king her. Don't make this a serious relationship out of nothing. More than anything I just want to come back to you. Ruv, ooders, dinks, I mees all that. I heard you playing our song the other day and it was almost too much for me. I catch you looking in my direction from time to time, but I never have the balls to actually look back at you. It's funny that I was always the brave one. Love makes you do crazy things I guess, and my crazy act of love will be sitting out so can enjoy your life. I just wish things would have turned out differently.
I miss you more than anything on this earth, and I wonder if you ever feel this way too. Please talk to me.

Dear cB diary,


This sucks. I don't know what to do...

My heart hurts.

Dear CB Diary,
I feel like picking flowers and picking off its petals while Saying "he loves me, he loves me not", Its sound cliche, but that's how I feel. =)

Why can't I stop thinking about him?

Crushes are not good. I know I'll just end up disappointed again, but let me enjoy this feeling for now.

-Paola

Dear cB diary,
im trying to hold them back even though i just want to let go now, though i dont want anyone to ask whats wrong or call me things that will just hurt me more.

LOL Createblog,

I just spent $180+ on stuff from Yesstyle.

And my Japanese class buddies are bomb ass hirariuz. Hernan, Mike and I were creating elaborate stories for the characters in the textbook.

Apparently Hernan hates Guputa-san.

"guputa is the biggest puta of them all!"

Dear cB Diary,

I'm bored right now. School lets out in 59 minutes, and I'm pretty happy about that.
It's also Halloween, and Friday. :]

Wow. I just noticed this topic has lasted a year since its almost my birthday again and it was almost my birthday when I made this. Holy shat.



Dear cB diary,

Shit, shit, shit. Why does this keep happening to me? Fuuuuuuck.

^Yeah, lolz. I saw the first entry and flash forwarded here.

Dear cB,
I must've overslept with about 10 hours of sleep. I have almost no morning life, such a freakin vampire. Yeah so I got my lunch and off to work till I saw Long Legs and skipped work to smoke weed. We drank a little and I stole a couple of books along the way. Then bounced to do some work around the house when I happened to see her again. By chance of course, but then again I did know my odds. Kept it strictly pimpin' as they would say and glad I realized that being jealous is a waste.

f*ck. I don't know what to get people for xmas. It's coming up real soon and I need to work more hours to pull it off. Maybe the saturday job? Probably. But I got a bunch of people I need to get nice stuff for.

I don't know what I'm waiting for exactly...

Dear Createblog Diary,
Stupid stupid me. Why do i always seem to mess up something thats going fine or mess up anything when i try to say the right thing. Is it me? I just feel like i cant do anything right anymore or atleast lately. Its just the depression kicking in again probably, i thought i was able to fight it better.

Dear Createblog Diary,

Today was like soooooo fun. I tooootally saw the love of my life walking down the street and he totally winked at me! And then I made a head motion like "omg, go over there!" and we both jumped into Riverside Church. I was like "hey you, I'm Melissa" and he was like "hey you, I'm Horny" and I was like "Ungh!" and we totally did it!

xoxo,
Me!