dear cb diary,
what an AMAZING day!

:)
bia

Dear cBd,

This is officially the longest i've kept a journal type thing. There are so many things left Un-said. Things seem to be getting more and more complicated for me. I'm not sure i even want to be in school anymore, i feel like this is something that im doing to please other people.

If it was up to me id live in a shack by the beach with Miguel and live happily ever after. But sadly that is simply a dream. I'm really stressed.

I really need to start doing something to consume my time all i do all day is sit home, watch t.v eat shit on my laptop and when i have class, go to class. Other than that i look forward to the days that i get to see my heart .

There are things we still haven't talked about and i'm honestly scared to ask or talk about. Eventually i know I'll have to ask questions and get answers. Even if it is just for closure.

My mom hasnt even been bugging me lately. Im sure she has a pretty good idea as to whats going on with me. I just want to run away.

till next time cbd.

EDIT:
march 8th 2008

I barely thought of miguel today, want to know why? because i saw him yesterday and he called me this morning.

I really want a doberman. My mom says theyre aggresive dogs that look like theyre on crack. Basically cracked out rotweilers.

Today is emanuelle's first birthday party and i wont be there to celebrate because my boyfriends parents are f**ktarts. I love him too you know. Well not that they care how i feel.

I put chocolatechips in my pancakes today and they were amazing! I lah pancakes. anyways ive got homework. bye.

CBD:

my level of unproductiveness today is repulsive. i literally sent a whole day down the drain doing..nothing. im insanely bored and insanely annoyed with myself and my inability to just finish things so i can get out of the damn house.

and there's a new litter. I want mocha back though, more than anything.


I CANT BELIEVE TODAY JUST WENT DOWN THE SHITHOLE. pissed at myself definitely.

dear cb diary

today was pretty good. i have four extra days to revise this huge paper. then in english, my teacher really tried my friend, lol. it was hilarious. lunch was decent, randomly picking on my friend as always.
however, math was BORING. the man kept talking - blah blah blah, and since he think he's cool, he gives us his bad jokes.
afterschool was straight. a couple of my friends and i are organizers for this international feast we have for the freshmen and seniors. its going to be funnnn. so we got together to discuss decorations and how we're going to set up the 'buffet line'.

but other then that. i am so relieved that our major papers have been turned in. i don't really care if i get the diploma or not though. as long as i know i did my best, i'm straight. grad nite 2008 is april 26, fbla states is april 27 - 30, and prom is may 30. i am excited.

dear cb diary,

wow!
i passed my driving test but the thing im happy about is that i get to ride the bus tomarow... i know oxi moron (sp) but im happy beacuse i get to see jackson i am so happy :)
and today i got some great make-up from Mary Kay. i am officaly in love!


XOXO
Bia

Dear createBlog Diary,

So guess what?! My package finally arrived! It arrived last night (with my sister) and I wore them today. I only wore one of them though, because with both of them on, my ears look really weighted down. :P. It's so awesome!! These earrings are totally worth the wait.. Okay, not really. I'm just glad that it didn't get stolen or something, and that my babies are safe and sound. ;).

Next week is going to be extreme cramming. I have events on each date. >__<. Monday I have a concert for the mayor, Tuesday I have a track meet, Wednesday & Thursday I have to do concert practice for another concert upcoming, and finally Friday, it's another concert! How awesome is that? :). I really hope I don't get extremely exhausted from that week. This week is extremely tiring too seeing as though there is tons of stress on getting the yearbook done. T__T. All this and I can't even get enough sleep myself. I just wish that there were more hours in a day in which all this could actually be crammed and where I'm able to get enough sleep. :x.

My teacher today told me that Daylight's saving time exists is because of shopping and money. She told us that people wanted more people to go shopping and etc, and since it's bright outside longer, people would want to go out after work or after school. It amazes me on how this world is living on materialistic things. It's just absolutely ridiculous. I can see why my town is going to be raising their prices on living and that if you're not rich in this town, you won't have houses in here in 10-25 years. Good thing I won't be in this dumpster of a city. >__>

I saw something that made me extremely pissed off. I mean, if you're going to try to make me like you, at least don't make me jealous in which I'll want to stab your guts. Seriously. P is really pissing me off right now, and when he was hugging ____y, I just cringed. I wanted to kill both of them. It's not that I like him anymore, it's just that I don't want anyone else to have him. Oh wells, I hope he goes back to his pathetic little girlfriend. HAVE FUN MAKING E-BABIES, BITCH.

/endrant

Dear cB diary,


I'm starting to care less and more at the same time. This is stupid. And my profs are idiots. Enough is enough!

I hate this. I don't know how I'm going to get through these next few weeks.

Dear CB diary,

I finally got a haircut after four months. It's not as thin as I wanted it to be, but it's okay.

I hope I get Photography as my art class next year!

yo.

got a new job. mmhmm not much left to say. i talked to judy, shes a !@#$%. enough said.

later.

dear cb diary

---- likes aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg!!!

eeewwwww

Dear CBD,

I'm really trying in school. Why cant she see that? Just because I'm getting a D in one class doesnt mean I'm not going to get into college. And the quarter isnt over yet. I can still pull that grade up. I just hope she doesn't say anything else about me not being on the honor roll last semester. It really pisses me off how she does that. UGH!

dear cb diary,

i want to go to sleep, but of course, i'm on duty and our hall director found out that we weren't doing our required three rounds each night (omg, what a tragedy) and is making our SRA do rounds with us. so my last one will end around midnight. this is so silly...like we need another babysitter. we're good RAs and i don't care if i sound conceited because we are and that's the plain truth. i do my job well and i honestly care about it and doing three rounds does not affect my performance whatsoever.

anyways, had a mid-term, test, and a presentation today which i'm happy to report that i did well (hopefully) on all of them! it was so funny when i went to turn in my ancient egyptian civilization mid-term..he said my handwriting was so beautiful, but small so he told me to write bigger. first, i was like WTF?? there was only fifteen minutes left and no way to re-write four pages of work. hopefully he was just kidding :) i also got a 91 on my french composition after getting 2 78s. i've concluded that even though this teacher grades harder than ANY teacher i've encountered, she is seriously the best one.

so, i'm excited to go home tomorrow morning, although i'll be studying basically the whole day due to another mid-term on monday. but i'm happy to get together with some old friends for dinner. and of course, see the family. i miss them so much all the time, it's so weird. anyways...i tried to study tonight, but not much really happened

there's still like 45 minutes until my last round. ARGHHH, i just want to get it over with.

~teesa

dear cb diary,

today is good.... LJ is being a total moron, but, Hey, what else is new?
i need to go to B&N and get a few more books so that im not TOTALY bored.
i f**king broke my nail and it is pissing me off
im really thirsty too.... hmmm


XOXO
bia

Dear CBD,

I'm tired. I got HW to do. My mom's coming home, soon . I have to go to my dad's tomorrow. I have to drink milk, but i dont want to =[. I'm wondering if i should still try to participate in the competition...I'm watching House. I miss being 5.
I have to pee.
Bye.
Lalalalala,
Shrima.

Dear CBD,
my life sucks :D and it's my fault.

Dear cB Diary,

I'm so glad I didn't have piccolo today, or else I would've really @#($*@)#$ someone.. and we didn't have a lesson today at SS, so yay! and today's our one month anniversary <3

Dear cB diary,

This weekend was amazing...I can't wait until summer time. Seriously though, it was just amazing. I had so much fun.

dear CB diary.

i am so sleepy. i wish i went to bed last night insten of staying up to watch the Cutting Edge 3. i KNEW i was going to pay for being so totaly infactuated with hockey/skating.

my thumb hurts like shit and there is soemthing in my eyes.

time for LUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yay!

hugs and kisses

Bianca

FINALLY! :D!
-finally, a fantastic performance. what a HUGE difference it can make to warm up individually and then go over it as a group. and to take in the moment! it was so much fun and i'm so proud of us and i love L, she's amazing and this is all possible because of her. I'm finally starting to approve of A for her. sure he's not everything she is, but he's supporting her through and through which she deserves
-finally, he noticed me. i wasn't wrong! i knew he liked me, and lucky for me he was the only one brave enough out of three to do something about it, and that makes him the most deserving. he's so understanding, and so amazed by me. i can't wait to see him in two days. if only i didn't have so much to do before then. but that'll make the time before then spent productively. finally! i knew one of them would come through. and it's better i learned this way that the other two wouldn't actually end up being what i need them to be. and i know me and him won't last for ever but for now this could be really good for the both of us. please please please don't let me be doing this for the wrong reasons though, cuz HE doesn't deserve that.

AND! two shows this week! i love any time i can spend with my ensemble outside of class. today's classes were amazing!!! that's creation for ya. our work is gonna be so good.

and three days till i move!!! i'm excited for the new area. and that they all want to help us so badly.
ok... i'm EXHAUSTED, but i really have to do this research. so i'll get on it. AHHHHHHH so good, i feel good:).

and i just feel like screaming out: my boyfriend lives on a farm!!! how cool is that? lol i'm so retarded, but that's what they all love about me they say... speaking of which. he may be acting like a douche right now, but i gotta thank him for inviting me into his life like that and introducing me to all these great new friends. i'm sure it'll pass, it was just a bad move on his part.
ok, time to really get down to homework

CBD,

people on cb care too much about what people on the internet think about them.

just a thought.

Dear cB Diary,

Damn, why is this girl trying to bring me down? All I did was tap her (no pun intended..) and she starts all this shit? It's one thing to flirt with someone I've been crushing on for a while now, but telling everyone I beat the hell out of her and have anger management problems? People BELIEVE her? What the f**k is up with this? I know I'm bigger than all of this drama, but it is just flat out annoying. I can't talk to her because all she does is ignore me and her friends won't talk to me either because they think I'm a monster. WHAT THE f**k IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH?

dear cb diary

i just ate chocolate.... yum

~B

Dear cB Diary,

I'm going to kick his f**king ass tomorrow.

Dear cB Diary,
I'm very stressed out right now. I'm incredibly broke...How on earth am I going to be able to pay all those fines and bills? No one can help me, but more importantly I don't want to be helped. Then I'll owe them the money they let me borrow, and it'll just be a vicious cycle. I don't know what I'm going to do? My credit is already shit because of those bills that I can never manage to pay. Why do I have so much debt? Why am I so unlucky? It's been over a year now. The interest is so high on payments that even if I put down $100, that doesn't cover ANYTHING. Ugh, I'm so stressed and tired of worrying about money. I need to win the lottery.

dear cbd,
i have to tpe my essay
i dont want to
if i didnt like to write i would kill myself

The most important date of this forum is when B-NOX created his account

dear cb diary,

so today was good, i guess. thanks to dicle, i kind of have a tutoring job-it all depends if kids need help in the subjects that i'm good at :) but i want it to start next semester because i am just too busy for anything else on my plate. i don't know why i do this to myself-i also went to the psychology office to join a club(ish) there, but the person wasn't there during her office hours. i love when people do that.

also met with my advisor. i'm so glad that i spilled everything that i wanted to accomplish during my college years and i am so happy that she didn't judge me or think i was crazy or something, haha. i've decided to take a few classes over the summer, so i can hopefully graduate on time. oh man, i hope that i can have time to relax just a little in between.

hmmm, i'm super glad that spring break is in just a few days. i'm actually looking forward to my required reading as well as the book i've been reading for myself. i'm also looking forward to catching up on movies. more later.

~teesa

Dear cB diary,

Today wasn't bad, but oh my goodness, I cannot wait until summertime. Seriously. And I still can't believe how fun this weekend was. Friday turned out to be amazing, I have some of the geekiest but awesome friends. And Saturday was soo nice. It was great just to spend some nice, relaxing quality time with him.

Dear cB Diary,

I need to stop living in the past.

Love,
Tina.

dear cb diary,

my heart feels like it's exploding with happiness and i just love when i have that feeling. i wish i could always feel this good. i'm so excited that as of 1pm today, i will have started my spring break and i can't wait to see dada and baba at home. i will miss ma, but she'll be home in about a week.

i just can't wait!

~teesa

Dear cB Diary,

I can't believe I forgot about it! I. f**king. forgot. about. it! I can't believe myself.. why did I do that?! Oh my god, I'm so stupid.. ugh!

Dear CB diary,

I wish I lived in California.

Dear cB Diary,

Why the f**k am I so stupid? I freaking bombed that math test, like.. for real. I am so stupid and I'm going to get in so much trouble.. my phone's probably going to get taken away again -_- AHHHHHHHH I HATE MATH!

dear cB diary,

im 19,

I LOVE HANNAH MONTANA.

& i dont care what people say.

today was irritating. i'm pretty burnt out, i won't lie. this has been an amazing semester but i'm so f**king tired. this is the last semester i take on this much because i honestly won't be able to do it again. but i don't regret anything that happened. those two shows were amazing!!!! holy shit i'm so inspired. and i wouldn't have wanted to see it with any other group of people. and my house!!! is fantastic!!! omg omg omg i'm so happy:). i love it, it's within walking distance of so much and the house is just beautiful. i had SO much help moving in i'm so spoiled:P. i can't wait to show it off to all my friends. i must have a party soon. once this semester is done. holy man i'm tired, just two more little assignments and i can go take a bath. and then he'll call:)

Dear cB Diary,

I don't want to go back to school on monday.

dear cb diary.

i haven't posted in here since march 10. been busy.
spring break officially started and all internal assessments/cas hours have been turned in. so all i have left to do is study for ib exams and take them in may. i am so excited for this break.

senior year is coming to an end a lot faster than i expected. i know i'll miss everyone and this year. all those adventures, random moments, inside jokes, etc. it was a great year.
and now i'm here waiting for karla and maria to get to my house so we can go out, but they take forever.

i will be going to the youth fair on monday, leaving to ucf on tuesday with karla, and coming back wednesday night. thursday is my birthday, i'll be eighteen.

this will be the best spring break ever.

Dear cB Diary,

I don't feel guilty. Not one bit.

Dear Cb Diary,
I think Tina doesn't feel guilty that she slept with Mike, and betrayed Moni.

Dear cB Diary,

I think Tung has it all wrong. It was before they were together.

dear cB diary,

I don't want to go back to school. The tests are going to suck massively. I'm so tired and I want to sleep but something just keeps me up.

Dear cB Diary,

Foo Fighters concert in *counts* 20 hours!! I can't wait to rock out to the guys. Hopefully there will be some pretty concert tees for me. =]

dear cb diary,

whoo, i am again feeling that familiarity of being overwhelmed. spring break was amazing. did i go on a trip? did i go out to clubs? parties? no, no, and no. i had an amazing time patiently catching up on some schoolwork, watching movies i had always been meaning to rent, and having dinner with some of the best people i know.

however, all that has been swept away extremely quick. let's see, i had about three interviews this week? i'm happy that i'll probably be hired as a student assistant for a long time, but after scheduling for classes today, i realize that there is no way in hell that i would be able to work even 15 extra hours a week. but that means that i will be stuck as a research assistant once again. ughhhhh. i enjoy having my very own experiment now, but there are just a couple of things i don't enjoy. but i don't need enjoyment if it's going to look good on a resume.

which brings me to my next point. i had an interview for a summer study internship for a 3-5 weeks and everything was going splendid, until the very end. he was concerned with my age and being so young as they don't really hire people unless they are 22 or older. this led me to wonder why we were even having an interview, but he said i looked really good on paper, so we'll see. fabulous. i'm not sure if i can even do that because i plan on taking a few summer classes in order to graduate on time. goodness, what am i doing with so many freaking endless requirements? hopefully, i'll have a better idea after i meet with the pre-med advisor next week.

so this week was extremely busy, but equally productive. i didn't think i would be going home so quickly, but since dada will be home tomorrow, i knew i just had to as well. i look forward to watching ncaa basketball and doing some light homework.

~teesa

edit//
i also finished love in the time of cholera last night. i loved it, even though the excessive descriptions sometimes were unnecessary. i am so proud of myself for reading a few new books this year. my next book, which i hope to start in the next couple of weeks is water for elephants.

Deer cB dirreary,
i think teesa blogs too much.

oh man. i finished reading memories of my melancholy whores a couple weeks ago. i really liked it. and in there, too, were excessive descriptions that were unnecessary. lol.


dear cb diary.

i'm eighteen today.
its the beginning of something. not sure what, but it feels different. my friends kidnapped me and took me to boomers. it didn't feel as awkward as i thought it would be, being there with her after everything thats happened.. or didn't happen. i loved today though. especially when jeff came over for dinner and we all ate together as a family. my mom likes him, haha.

spring break was everything i thought it to be. tomorrow i'm having a birthday dinner celebration at the ale house and then beaching at night. i cannot wait to celebrate with my friends.

i'm changing my mind about where i want to go for college. i think i might stay where i am and just go to florida international university. its a lot of money to leave home and i don't think i want my parents to spend that much money when i can just stay here for school and save them a crap load of money when i do all my req courses and then transfer into a better business school a year or two later. hmm. VERY UNDECISIVE.

i'm soo ready to graduate. even though i know i'll miss high school.

Dear cB Diary,

Today I had a fight with my boyfriend for the first time. Well, not technically the first, but it was the first "major" fight I've had with him. He had hung up on me, and that irked me quite a lot since that is no way to treat someone you're supposed to have respect for. That escalated into him asking if we wanted a break, which in turn came out to a full blown argument about breaking up with each other. I shouldn't have shown him that email my friend sent me regarding him.

School is being stressful as always, although my college sent me my admissions papers today! Now all I have to do is call my counselor and see if we can work things out between my situation and the situation regarding the community college I'm supposed to be going to.

I really hope this weekend will be better, since he's coming over and all. Please, please, please let it be better. :[

dear CB diary.
well if i could write my own diary it would be a good start, and im afraid to say i'd be rubbish at keeping track..so i like this idea.
it'd be nice to know who spends their time reading these.
on topic, im really angsty towards my girl-friends today.
i've always been known to be the guy of any friendship group i'm in, despite being a girl.. its just getting at me at the moment how girls have to follow each other so much and behave so fake.
how once you get a new boyfriend they have to know everything and if you don't tell them they suspect you just don't like them.
i seem to be finding so much more respect for my guy-mates at the moment, and i feel bad because my girl mates are so close to me.
i just wish more girls could get a grip and found more brain cells on occasion.
:|

Dear cB Diary,

This weekend was amazing. We picked my boyfriend up after we went to Seidner's to pick up the other car. He held his little cousin out of the window so I could say hi to him, and then we left in a hurry so my mom could go to her tax guy in Cerritos. We backseated it in the car while my mom went in. After that, we went to my Uncle's house and I introduced him to all of my family, aside from Josh because he was sleeping. This little boy with cute dimples named Bryan kept staring at me, and my boyfriend tried coaxing him over so I could play with him, but all he did was keep pointing at/staring at me. I gave him a kiss before we left, and when I walked out of the door he started crying. We picked up some Church's chicken, and my boyfriend ate some of it on the way home, although he didn't like the okra because the seeds looked like sperm. Or so he thought. xD

When we got home, he did what he had told me what he was going to do on the phone the night before. After that, we watched P.S. I love you, and he started crying during the middle of the movie, so I held him and cried with him. After the movie, we just laid in silence on the bed. We were talking about how shaving hurts our backs when we do it, and he said that the girl he shaved did it while she was sitting down on the bathtub floor, which I found out was his ex-girlfriend. I got a little jealous after that. No, no, extremely jealous, only he mistook it for me being mad. But I tried keeping it in since it was, after all, the past. We went to Red Robin, without my mom, for a date. :] We both ordered Freckled Lemonade's and I got a fruschetta chicken burger, and he got a banzai burger, with onion rings as our side. I couldn't finish mine, so I took it home. It was a shame he had told me about the whole shaving incident before our date, because that totally ruined it for me, and I didn't really have a fun time at all. Being with him was the only plus during the date.

We went home, and we were planning on doing it, but he was afraid of what would happen if my mom found out. I was, too, so we just watched South Park instead. We went to bed at around... ohh, 1amish? And woke up the next day at 10 (although I woke up at 7 to go pee, but went straight to bed right after). He got mad because I wanted to go downstairs to eat and he wanted to cuddle in the sheets, but I left anyways. So he went into my room and slammed the door. I went in later, and he said he forgave me and we both went out to get some food at Wendy's. He got a spicy bacinator, and I got a spicy chicken sandwich. We went upstairs to watch South Park again, and it was sad because we got mad at each other halfway through. He was leaving at 5 or 6, and we both knew that, but he got mad because I went to answer someone on msn, and I got mad because he went downstairs and left me by myself. I moped in our room underneath the covers until he came upstairs and laid on top of me, and tried making peace. When I didn't respond, he went to watch more South Park, and I went to Vons to buy some spaghetti. We ate dinner downstairs, then went upstairs for a bit more time together before we had to go to church. After church, we went back home and I pleaded my mom to let him stay for a week because his internet went down. No go. :[ So we got Coldstone's, which is "our" place, and drove him home. A sad ending to a great weekend. :[

dear cb diary,
ohhh geez. i really miss europe. i wanna go back. but this time, i wouldn't get all hung up over some guy. i wouldn't take the people i was with for granted. and i DEFINITELY wouldn't have worn some of the things i wore.

i want him. i want him so so so so bad.
when was the last time someone that i liked liked me back? ohh...three years ago. wow.
it's not even that i'm some...hairy, ugly, warty, fat freak or something.
i just never get close to any of them. because i lose interest so fast...and eghh.
whatever, i'm just a loser.

dear cb diary.

i had english today for the first time since before spring break and boy, were our class ready to get pwned. lol. our entire ib class pretty much made a pact to not do the notes she told us to do, lol. it was funny, but after a week of no brutal criticism from her, i'd say it was peaceful, seriously.

the superlatives are finally ready. people have already filled out a lot of them. my friend, claudia, just has to make sure we have like 52 of them before the weekend and we have to see who is going to the superlative luncheon on early release next week. claudia and i organized this and i cannot wait to see the results. it's probably going to be at tony roma's... again. haha. i think i saw some people's papers and they have me down for best smile, best all around, and best personality. i think i saw best hair too, but i don't agree. haha.

my birthday dinner was awesomeeee. i loved it all. my friend literally threw my face down into the cake. my face was covered in frosting. but i got him back, grr. the beach was great too. beautiful. and there was skinny-dipping involved, lmao. there was like five of my friends that went and did it. thats not me, but i still had an awesome time.

the first week back from school has been so dull. bleh. spring break needs to last longer.