Dear cb diary,

Jeebus, mid-quarter-life crisis or what? Godamn.

Dear cB Diary,

Teenage mid-life crisis? Oh dear.

.. I don't know what it is that I'm so afraid of. Every time I try, it's like I always have second thoughts and end up not doing it. Every night I go to sleep thinking about how it would end up if I did it when I had the chance to that day. Blaaaah

Dear cB diary,

Well today was one of those "fine" days. Nothing too excited, nothing too boring, well almost nothing. Still, I'm happy that homegirl and her son was alright from the car accident. That totally took a load off my mind. That totally made my day. Yeah, I chilled with everyone I wanted to hang out with, drank, and act stupid and shit. Funny ass shit when homegirl jumped and ran to the other room on the bed because of the fake mouse. That totally made my night. Thing is I'm losing the urge to drink myself silly and it feels like there's something missing. It's not so bad as being in a party and still feeling like I'm all by myself, but more like not satisfied. Really bored I guess. Sighs.

Dear CB diary,

I'm not ready for my physics midterm over the next two days :D!
I wish I were still 16.

Dear CB Diary,

im excited for school, but then im not. life sucks sometimes. but you wouldnt know. you`re not even real....

Dear CB Diary,

Today was so... not exactly depressing or stressful, but it was... very straining. I was really pressed for time (didn't even totally finish all of Chemistry, while having my teacher hovering over my shoulder), trying not to sound fussy or anything in regards to the filming, or to sound prideful about the petition. I kept on running directly in line with HIS old friends, or at least guys I've always associated with him. I felt even more lost in Chemistry than usual. My mom was late by 30 minutes, it was hard to get through to home...

Dear cB Diary,

How much longer do I have to wait?! I've already waited a week and still no release.. what is this?! And about Chelsea, I really don't care anymore. She's just.. I don't know? Sometimes, she's really annoying and frustrating, but other times, she's so.. nice and helpful? and I'm so pissed that 'she' made 'him' yell her name out. What the freaaak?!

Dear cb diary,

college is slow.
life is uneventful.
mkb does NOT get playing time.
i need a job.
i need a car.
i hate my college, somewhat.
i want to transfer.
i want to be in so cal already.
my head hurts.
classes start this tuesday.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

Dear cB diary,

Well ... tonight wasn't fantastic to say the least. Nor will this week be.

Dear CBD,

Seriously, I'm tired of all this drama. Especially with you. You're a lying ass. You told me you loved me, but you acted the complete opposite and when out with someone online. Way to break my heart, bitch. The reason why I'm so damn bitter now is because of YOU. You caused me to be like this. And seriously, stop trying to get me to notice you around campus by following me wherever the hell I go to during lunch. We could've worked, but you chose to act otherwise. Once you grow up and stop being a f**k face, maybe we could actually work, after two attempts.

Ladeef**kingda, you sure are some friend. You left me for someone whom you don't even like. Haha, that's funny. Then later on, you try to act like a nice ass prick. Way to be a good friend. :) I'm be sure to send you a nice thank you letter this up coming summer.

I wish I had one of those ideal lives. I have the worst f**king family relationships ever. I don't think I can get through with being in this household for too long. Hopefully, I move out soon and get the hell away from this hell hole.

Thank you for listening to my rants. I love you CBD.

Yours truly,

Vinity.

Dear cB diary,

Regents Week is...fun. :P

Dear cB Diary,

So far, my week's been great, but why am I so stressed out? It's like these little things keep coming up and my mind just acts like a broken record. DAMN. IT.

Dear cB Diary,

Give me something to break.

-Olivia.

Dear cb diary,
I'm surprised I'm back at cb. I really don't even know why I'm back, heh.
But anyways, I've had a lot of changes since the last time I was here.
Break-ups and a lot of tears and drama.
Although, they were for the best.
Eh, long story.

I'm on my school's soccer team and I'm kind of looking foward to tomorrow's game. Ehh. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I just want to go to the game. Hopefully we'll win. I really want to. It'll be sweet if I score the first goal in the season. Now THAT'S what I REALLY wanna do.

There is still a lot of confusion and stuff in my right now.
It seriously won't leave me alone.
It makes me wonder if anything will ever get better.
I sound really depressed, but eh, I'm okay, really.

I don't know what else to write. I don't wanna go to sleep, either.
Bahhhhhh.

Dear cB Diary,

I'm so freaking tired. I planned to do my homework all tonight (well, now it's yesterday), except I fell asleep for 20394820394 freaking hours. I can't believe I went downtown in the first place, I shouldn't have done that! I'm exhausted and I have to type up that essay. I need to study for English or else I'm literally going to FAIL. I still haven't started reading at ALL, not even one page, and it's due on Thursday. My history test is on Wednesday and I don't know a thing about what we're going to be tested on. I'm on the verge of failing math. I'm just.. AH!

Dear CB Diary,

I seriously don't know if I can handle two studio classes because HO SHI, hand cramps.

I shouldn't compare myself to the other students... everyone starts at a different level and everyone works at a different pace. Not to sound conceited, but I think my drawings are badass but I feel inferior because I've never taken a drawing class, unlike some of my classmates.

Oh, and I had a dream that I was having sex with Hizumi of D'espairsray.

Yeah, baby, yeah.

Dear cb diary,
ahhh. I had fun today. I hung out with some good friends.
I really wish Kaitlyn and Michelle could've spent the night.
Oh well, I guess.


Our soccer tournament went somewhat okay. We won one, lost one, and tied one.
What is really dissapointing is that we were supposed to play this morning, but didn't.
However, if our game was still going on, I probably wouldn't have gone and hung with my friends.
So that's a plus huh? (:

I'm becoming oddly addicted to some songs by Three Days Grace.
Which is odd, for me anyways.

Nothing really else to write, so I'll sum this all up by saying adios.

<3Melissa.

dear...you,

was that really necessary? could you have at least waited a few more months so i could come stay with you this summer? how am i supposed to do this now? i need to be in new york. i need the city. i need that summer study. i need all those people around me. i need that stupid polution. why the hell did you kill yourself, daddy?

Dear cb diary,
Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm kind of stressed at the moment. I have tests to make up, I have a library fine, well, I think so anyways, and currently struggling in one of my classes. The excuse is...soccer. I've been extremely busy with soccer lately. Our first district game is tomorrow. We better win.

Besides soccer, everything's annoying right now. Seriously.
What's up with that? Why can't things go just...good for once?


Blaaaah. Maybe I'm just irritated and too tired.
I need some serious sleeping time.

Yours truly,
Melissa

Dear cB diary,

I don't want to go back to school on Wednesday.

dear cb diary,
please dear pickles, send me a job this summer.
indoor/office would be great.

dear cb diary,

so today i worked with acryllic paints for the first time. it was so much fun! i can't wait to work with other mediums (lol geek moment right there).

so yeah~ it was pretty awesome. except for this one chick who thought she was better than all of us just because she won awards in the past.

OMG you're talented, yes you made that clear but you don't have to keep bringing up your awards/certificates/gold stars of approval in every conversation. you're retttttardeddddddddd.

i'm going to work on a new layout now.

Dear cB diary,

I don't like school at all. Sigh.

Dear cb diary,
Today was better(ish) then yesterday.

I just really don't feel like getting up at 5 tomorrow.

I just want to sleep.

-Melissa

Dear cB diary,

Seriously. WTF. Again, that damn quarter-life-crisis or something....I feel so emo and retarded right now. What am I doing with my life? I am so unmotivated in school and I just don't know what to do with myself.

IT SUCKS. Sigh. I'm just being stupid but I don't know...I've just felt so lost with all this stuff going on right now...

Dear CB Diary,

This semester feels really overwhelming -- which begs the question of why I'm still on CB. I really need to just catch on things this week, unwind on Saturday, and move forward. There's no changing things right now. I'm going to learn to love what I'm learning, and will probably doing for the rest of my life. And I'm sure it'll be fine, because money's what I love, and money's what Compi Sci will bring me. Yes. I'm sure of it.

dear cb diary,

I HAVE HAND CRAMPS WHY WHY WHY.

gesture drawing is fun, though. it just sucks that i have to drag that huge portfolio case to both my art classes. it didn't help that the wind was smacking me around today. augh, why do i have to be so small and delicate. cb diary, it is moments like those when i wish i was big and fat like an orc from lord of the rings. then i could literally stand my ground.

i'm going to eat some pudding now. mmm chocolate <3. hey at least i'm not a fatty :D.

Dear CB Diary.
Yesterday was an amazing day. It made my heart race and my hairs stand on end. For the first time in so long I looked at the person next to me and didn't make any excuses. I didn't talk myself into liking him, I didn't talk myself out of liking him. It was perfect. He rubbed me until I fell asleep and made sure I had anything I wanted all night.
AND, he took my side on everything. Absolutely everything he agreed with. Other than his eyes staring into mine that made everything feel sane for a minute.

dear cb diary,

i have mastered chiaroscuro.

okay, that's an exaggeration seeing as how the only artists to excel in this technique were da vinci and rembrandt. LOL

yeah well... i've improved A LOT since last week. so nyeeeh.

i hate the fatty who sits next to me in my european history class. she thinks she's hot shit just because she found the humor in the video we watched about otto von bismarck.

i found it amusing as well, but i didn't need to snort and snicker ever 2 seconds to prove my intellectual powaa.

@__@ i am so happy i had cupcakes today.

Dear cb diary,
Wow, this girl's giving me a hard time. She needs to stfu.
Soccer game tomorrow. We need to win again. I hope I score -- again.

-.-

I was supposed to go to school really early tomorrow but change of plans. Good. Cause I don't wanna start my Friday going too school before 7AM.

I'm uber tired. :/
Goodnight

-Melissa

Dear CB Diary,

This car keeps driving around bumping music. It's scaring me. :/ Anyways, school was pretty eh. J___ is pretty cool. I just can't help but to think about him. IDK. But I still think A___ is cute. Well lets just see how tomorrow turns out.

Dear CB Diary,
For the first time in a while I spent a whole day tackling my problems without anyones input. Although I missed the advice that once helped build me up I felt strong all on my own. Not only did I stick up for myself and what I deserve, I took a stand against what seemed at first to be a united front against me. Although, I am pretty sure this will lead to the loss of my very best friend I am confident that I would not get myself into a situation that will ruin the rest of my life. I can't blame him or myself. I guess people change and grow in different directions. I have chosen a life that will make me happy above all else and he has chosen a life in which he follows all rules given to him and does what everyone tells him. That's not the life for me.

Despite all those confident feelings I am kind of scared that maybe this is all a big misunderstanding and I am making mountains out of anthills. I really truly hope this is not the case.

dear cb diary,

i can't believe my keyboard died while i was typing that. but moving on...
i have nowhere to go this summer. a month out here is enough to drive anybody a bit crazy. two years? yeah, don't think so. anybody wanna volunteer to take in a crazy city girl stuck in the middle of nowhere?
on a more serious note...
i'm freaked shitless about term ending. for some reason i feel as if my grade's are going to be horrible, even though i know they're not. i really need to get moving on those art projects...hey, atleast i'm not sitting around until 2 days before semester ends thinking wtf am i gonna do?! i just wish i could get all these ideas and thoughts and creative streaks from my head to a piece of paper...or even a blank photoshop file or open notepad. i keep getting stuck on these amazing ideas. some ideas i feel are so...creative i can't do them. pretty much, i've let the fact that everybody sees me as a boring person take control of my life. NOTHING is coming out anymore. i can't flirt (whore!), photoshop, code...damn, i can't even drink a bottle of water without having to do it boringly! that says something. pathetic? of course.

Dear createBlog Diary,

So, today, we learned about what it takes to be a healthy person; which is determined by 3 criteria, mental/emotional, physical, and social health.

This topic got be wondering, is my health unbalanced? Sure I'm very socially healthy, but am I really THAT mentally and physically healthy? I've been having breakdowns every now and then, and I seriously cannot control my anger towards people. I think that I need a psychologist or something. I hate it when people judge how I am just because I'm smiling. Well new flash: just because you smile doesn't mean you're not hurting inside.

Anyways, new topic about my life.

It's the month of love...... also known as the day where Valentine's Day is located. Like every year, I do not have a valentine. I can say that I'm happy about being single, but seriously, no one can live life alone forever. I think that this is the time of year where I'm most bummed, because it gives people who don't have valentines, that they're alone, and single. *sigh* I hate you, Valentine's day. Why do you have to exist? .

But, enough of my rants. I'll end it here, and I hope you have fun sitting in the "Writing" subforum to listen to other people's rants.

Yours truly,
Vinity

Dear CB diary:

Today sucked. I had a snow day, which I guess is good, but the thing is - I didn't do ANYTHING today.

All I did was eat junk food and sit around watching shitty TV while revising my english paper.

So far my story's pretty good... I dunno where I'm going to go with it though... But whatever. I allways pull through in the end. Like Mrs. T says... I'm a "Dickens Reincarnate"... (Hahaha!)

Well yeah. That's my day.

Dear cB diary,

I do not like scales that tell me I've gained weight again.

ARGH. i told myself my guy situation wouldn't seem like such a huge deal if i just concentrated on school and everything this semester. i don't have time for all this, i NEED to put all my energy into school, dance, piano/singing, work, family, and friends. i need time to do homework, and practice for my lessons, and spend time with the people i never have time to see. and not to mention deal with all the shit that gets thrown my way. although i see now it was a blessing in disguise. but still, i can't wait until i have my car back. it's been two weeks i've been without it. but now i get a free new transmission that would've died soon anyway and i avoided driving in the crazy snow this week. and i've got so much to do for tuesday. so much. and i've lucked out with working so little lately. but every spare moment, all i can do is think about him. f**k, i like him so f**king much. but the f**king timing is all off. i have to get through this semester, i really need to make it my prime focus. and he knows that, and he knows how much i hate all the guys knocking down my door. i'm hoping that's why he hasn't made any advances yet. because he's the one guy i'd love more than anything to be going out with right now. he's so amazing. but that's just my luck isn't it? all these unattractive and creepy guys are falling for me ( i can't f**kING believe i bumped into him, i thought i'd never see him again. oh god i hope that never happens again. he's as creepy as ever and doesn't seem to be getting over me), but the three guys i'd LOVE to date aren't interested. one is too f**king busy and won't call me just to meet up for coffee, one still has a girlfriend, and one just wants to be my friend. again, this is probably just a blessing in disguise because i can't commit to anyone right now, whether i wanted to or not cuz of school, and i still like the freedom of being single. but it sucks whenever i'm with him. because then more than ever, i want to be his.
thank god for M, he's going out of his way to help me deal with all this. it's still weird at times when i notice the attraction, but he really is being the best friend. why can't i just enjoy everything that's going on right now? i've got SO much going for me, and it should be enough to distract me from men. whatever happens happens. i wish i could just dismiss them from my mind so easily. because i honestly need to focus on this semester. after venting this i'll get right on that, because it's not worth the time i'm wasting.
besides that, i'm happy they all want to be really good friends with me anyway. and i'm flattered that i can attract such good people. work was so fun today. sales are picking up again and i'd missed my work friends. i haven't seen F or K in like a month though. hopefully i'll see them soon. and i ate a tiny bit healthier today. slowly but surely, i should lose the weight. i've been getting a lot of sleep too:). and the snow is so beautiful to look at, but that's about all it's good for.
march 20th is the big day. it's a good excuse to go through all my crap and see what i want to throw out. organize my library and wardrobe and everything. and it'll be a WAY nicer area. so much closer to L :D! even though it'll be smaller i'm sure i'll like my new home. as long as parentals are happy.
so life is good, i just gotta focus on what i need to focus on, and remember it all happens for a reason in the long run.

Dear CB Diary,

Today was rather fun, Marisa and I had to keep little kids in check at a birthday party. Bunch of crazy little bastards.
I can't wait for this week. I'm glad the coach told me that I have a really really high chance for the JV team. If I keep my pitching up, I can be the starting pitcher. I'm so stoked!

UGH, for some reason I can't get him out of my head. He sat behind me in english last year, and he always made me laugh. I talk to him still, but not a lot. He's starting to be REALLY nice to me. It's kind of freaky.
But I still think that ______ is cute. I just really hope that he broke up with his psycho ass girlfriend. But even if they're still together, it doesn't bug me as much, seeing as she goes to a completely different school.

Dear cb diary,
I'm sick. What a shocker.
My coach can be such a ass sometimes. I don't want to be too mean though. We won our game, which is good. I didn't score this time. The game was overall annoying. This girl named F____ needs to keep her mouth shut and stop telling me what to do, it's not going to work, little...ugh. I know what I'm doing. I'm not stupid. I bet half of our team is sick because we had to watch Varsity. Both first half, and second. They got to be in a nice, warm bus our first half. They barely watched us during the second half. Is that even fair? No. The Varsity coach acted like nothing was wrong with her f**ked up head.
"Oh, they didn't want to be out in the cold."
What makes you think we do? God, I'm sick because of the Varsity team's coach, basically. Oh, and our coach. My mother offered me to to take me home, and I agreed. She asked the coach, and of course he said no.


What's up with him copying the other coach anyways? Learn your own techniques and punishments.
It sucks having a first time coach.

Besides that, I've been sick all weekend. Joy! I was supposed to get a haircut today. I can't. You guess why. :/
Maybe I'm complaining too much. No, whatever. No I'm not. -.-
Best of all, I get to go to school earlier then usual.
I'm acting bitchy and complaining too much. I need to settle down a bit.

Yours truly,
Melissa.

Dear CB Diary,

My brother needs anger management and BAD. He was accusing me of putting his shoe in the back of the truck. Which I didn't do. He got so worked up about it, he threw his phone at the wall, which broke it. He really needs to chill.

My mom invited my friends parents over. I really don't like their family. Ugh, & ALL WE'RE GOING TO DO IS SIT IN THE LIVING ROOM AND WATCH THE SUPERBOWL. I thought it was going to be a laid-back day. But I guess not.

Dear CB diary,

I'm so, so sleepy. I've got to stop procrastinating because sometimes I'm good about getting work done by a reasonable time, but other times I put things off like crazy. sfasdfksdla I wish I didn't have to worry about school, college, or anything. I also need a job by this month or next month, if I can handle it. Egh.

Dear createBlog Diary,

Seriously, what the f**k is wrong with me? How come when I think that I'm doing something right, people think otherwise? It is fun to manipulate people like this? Seriously. Anyways, it seems like everytime I have my life neatly organized and going smooth, someone has to f**k up the drive with some pot holes. =__= I don't know how much longer that I can hold in my true emotions, but I'm sure that they'll burst like f**king crazy.

I seriously cannot STAND THAT ONE BITCH WHO KEEPS f**kING FOLLOWING ME. I cannot take keeping this inside me anymore. Watch when I blow up and I will go crazy. >__>

Anyways, I guess this is enough ranting. Oh, and I have a big ass headache. Woohoo for not having school tomorrow and to a 4 day weekend full of laughs and surprises. :)

- superficial

Dear CB Diary,

I wonder. I wonder about a lot of things actually. Like why the sky is blue, why onions make you cry, why women can never apply mascara with their mouths closed, why the word men is synonymous with f**king douche bag. They’re all valid questions, except no amount of scientific examination on the male pea brain will ever reveal the secret to their stupidity.

Dear CB Diary,

I forgot about my Drawing assignment.

-90000 points.

I am cramming a few layout projects in 2 days because that's all I have left for my Photoshop trial. DAMMIT.

I don't have $700 :(

Dear CB Diary,
Please don't let me do anything on the verge of crazy that could effect my voice...Not being tone deaf for Jr.District by the time we get to the concert would be nice for a change.
And learn to give a girl a break when she needs it. How am I going to be in Arkansas AND Contest at the same time? Everybody knows Contest is the biggest thing...

double post, but i didn't want to edit yesterday's...

Dear CB Diary,
I SCREAMED. WE SCREAMED. WE. ALMOST. SHIT. OURSELVES. Mandi's leaving Colorado tomorrowwwwwwwwwww. Which means she should be at school Wednesday. TWO YEARS. I haven't seen my closest friend in TWO YEARS. I wish somebody could understand how RELEIVED I feel...I really need her now. THANK YOUUUU.
Love,
Crazy.

Dear Cb Diary,

My computer's overloaded with viruses. And it was all for a serial code number, too =__=.

At least I got the number. Now I just need to reboot my comp.

Dear Cb Diary,
im sitting here in drafting and i am bored out of my mind. i could be doing the work mr. lawson gave us, but i dont want to.
today i seem very moody.
its most likely because i was up untill 11:30 last night watching the grammy's.
Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli were AMAZING! but im so sleepy today that i think i should have just watched it on you tube.
mmm i love you tube. i dont know how i ever lived without it.
next hour is lunch, so mabey that will wake me up some.
i should get to work, and katie, the person who sits next to me, is reading this.

kiss kiss

Bia

Dear CB diary,

I caught the wrong train the other night and ended up in London. It's smaller than I thought it would be.

Dear cB Diary,

That was so.. unexpected! I never knew that SHE would have it Out of all people, HER. It seemed so clean and nice and everything but.. ? I guess not? :T