Sorry. It's kinda long...

Okay so I have a friend, and we used to be really close, especially in middle school. But this year, she changed SO MUCH, started smoking, doing drugs, ignoring our advice etc. So we just let her leave us in the middle of the year, and we decided that if she's ditching us for her smoker buddies, then we aren't interested in being her friend anymore.

And now that it's summer? She runs to me for advice, invites herself over for a sleepover (which sucked; it was like sleeping next to rotten cigarettes or something), and suddenly "it's all back to normal". I'm number one on her facebook, she calls me everyday etc.

The thing is, I can't be her best friend anymore. I've made a lot of friends this year and kept only my closest ones. Last Friday, she wasn't allowed to see her girlfriend (now ex), so she tagged along for lunch with me and a few friends, and she told me to lie to her mom, and tell her that she's gonna be with me the whole day. We had this huge fight about lying. I told her she can't just use me like that, and that I don't want to lie for her. Besides, she's betrayed me too many times to count.

Example:

In the beginning of the year, she (let's call my friend "Anna") was absolutely in love with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Anna was still my best friend around that time, and less ...er.of a junkie? Well my boyfriend's ex-gf, let's call her "Sasha", saw the potential for me and my boyfriend to be together. I mean we just clicked so well, and became immediate good friends. I liked him, but I am not one to sabotage relationships like that, so I stayed out of their way. Sasha wasn't content, and called me all sorts of names behind my back, made false accusations about me to my boyfriend, and told Anna all sorts of things. Anna told me about what Sasha was doing, because I was her best friend, and she convinced me that she was on my side. So I vented. I said bad things about Sasha, because she was being such a b*tch.

Since Anna was in love with Sasha, and she was also my best friend, she betrayed us both. Whenever I talked crap behind Sasha's back, Anna told Sasha, which made things 10x worse. Whenever Sasha said things behind my back, Anna told me, which angered me of course. In other words, she was trying to be on both sides at the same time. The whole thing became so dramatic that one day, we had a huge fight in the cafeteria.

So anyway. I don't think Anna's worth my friendship....and she has TERRIBLE personal hygiene. Not to mention, she has no respect for me. I told her I hated it when she smoked in front of me, or in my house, but what did she do? She smoked in front of me, and left the cigarettes on my front lawn.

I need to somehow get away from her without hurting her feelings, and without her hating me.
How do I do this?

:T I think that you should just tell her that you can't be her best friend anymore b/c of everything that happened. Just tell her that you need time on your own. Don't accuse her of anything because that will probably make her despise you. This must be a really tricky situation for you. Good luck, though!

So, basically, how do you tell her to f**k off politely?

Don't outright say it, but drop hints. Subtle, then well, not-so subtle if she doesn't get it at first. Don't return phone calls, e-mails, comments, even hugs if you have to.

You can't tell somebody, especially somebody like 'Anna' to f--k off without getting her angry.

Just tell her that you're sick of her using you. Be straight and honest. But don't accuse and don't drag anybody else into it if you can. Just keep it as a problem between the two of you.

Try not to get angry back, because then the whole thing will go around in a circle and you can't get out of it.
Tell her how you feel, let her vent, and leave.

Sorry to day but there's no polite way to say get lost... let her know that you're fed up with her smoking, using you and whatever else is bothering you about her. Don't bring Sahsa into it cause she'll get offended and then everything will be messy. Be firm but not threatening cause that never works with druggies...

^agreed with everyone.

Tell her how you really feel and be honest. And if she doesnt listen, just stop all contact with her.

Wow. There is no easy way to tell someone you don't want to be their friend anymore. Sit her down and just talk to her one on one. Tell her exactly what you told us. How you don't want to feel used, how you don't like what she's become, and how you can't be her best friend anymore.

^ The thing is though...I'd do that but she has a big mouth,and um...she knows a couple of things about me that no one else does. So I have to leave her without her getting mad etc.

I agree with everyone^. Theirs no way to politely say f*ck off but you could drop hits like when she asks to hang out, say your busy doing something, adventually she will get the hint [hopefully.] If you dont do that or its not working just tell her straight up what your problem is with her. Shes not worth your time.

oh that's horrible. so she'll just open her mouth just cause you made her mad?

i kinda dealt with a friend like yours except not as extreme. she had an unhealthy relationship, wanted too much attention, caused insane amount of drama, and ignored all my advice. in the end, i just slowly ignored her. didn't make an effort to talk or anything. it kinda worked. but i think Anna actually makes an effort to talk to you while my friend didn't.

i think you have very little options here. you could just talk to her and explain everything that you have a problem with. not necessarily "breaking up" with her but maybe try and get her to see the problems? maybe, she could actually like change/

if that doesn't work, i think you might have to be mean. when you "break up" with her, you should call her out on her big mouth. tell her that you expect her to say shit and that you'll do something if she does. your situation is kinda like between a rock and a hard place. and i don't like politeness would help her.