Sorry, I think I let it get too personal.
The more I think about it, the more vulnerable I find myself. Sorry for taking up time, but I guess I'm too much of a coward to keep this here, because it makes me feel weak and defenseless. I'll be okay; there's a war out there, so I don't have much of a reason to worry about silly things.

Thank you to everyone who read or replied though. It was truly appreciated.

I want to know a few things about you before I answer....

How old are you?
Have you ever gone out and done something spontaneous?
Do you really know who you are, and what you like to do... it seems as if you have been told what to be all your life. Have you ever rebelled?

I guess I don't want to read something so large only to find out that the person isn't going to read my reply.

^ I think she said she's 14 and he's 16 and a half.

I'm going through really similar types of feelings that I think you're also feeling, though they are problems with friends and family rather than a boy. It's REALLY important that you do what makes you happy, as hard as that is with a family like yours. Though they think they're helping you out, they're only making matters worse and you need to point that out to them before you fall any deeper into this pit of depression.

Just a few days ago I tried going to therapy and didn't like it at all, but it could work for you. It really just depends on the type of person you are. I hate sharing my personal information with people I don't know really well; if you're like that then it may not be a good choice, but it's always worth a try (this is definitely a good first step to talking; sometimes not being face-to-face is easier).

For the family issues, I strongly advise you to sit down with your parents and really talk to them one-on-one. Explain to them how you truly feel and how what they say lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel sad. Describe what you feel, when you feel it and why so they can better understand where you're coming from. Make sure to tell them that you love them and appriciate all they have done to help you pave your life, but also tell them that your future is YOURS to decide in the end.

As for the boy issue, I don't really know what to say. Feelings like yours don't change overnight. You can't one day not be sure about love and wake up the next morning fall in love. Love takes time to grow. You need to remember that it is possible to love more than one person. From what you've said, he seems like a genuine guy. If he's taking enough time to let you explain how you can trust him, then he seems pretty serious about it. I know it's hard, but try and talk to him and tell him that it will take time. The more you spend time together, the more you'll get to know eachother and the more you will be able to trust him.

I hope that helped. PM me if you want to talk; I'm always willing to listen.

Well first of all let me tell you something
despite your religion
GOD LOVES YOU! Im not trying to push my religion onto you im just stating the facts.
And I have a few questions too.
Why do you feel that you cant trust your boyfriend?
Now not to be judgemental or even rascist(please dont think that)
but Ive heard that in some Asian culture its hard for them to express their feelings and love.
That doesnt mean they dont love you
Your parents DO love you maybe its just that they never were hugged or shown affection growing up so its hard for them to show it to you.
But they do even them having so many "standards" shows that they love you enought to want the BEST for you. Even tho it may be extreme.
Dont think that in your head you cant be loveable.
Maybe you find yourself not trusting your bf or believing him when he says he loves you because you're not used to hearing that.
It doesnt mean hes lying.
He doesnt mean he doesnt love you.
Maybe what you need right now is to take time away from the relationship and figure out what YOU want in life.
How can you love someone else if you dont love yourself?
Take some time a few months a year if you have to, to discover yourself, and to learn to love yourself.
Then if its meant to be your bf will be there waiting. He'll understand why you need time away.
Hope this was of some help and that you read it.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

^ About the Asian culture idea, I have to agree. I'm not being stereotypical, because some Asian families are much different than others. I think they just have different ways of expressing their love and being successful is very important to them, considering the very sad history of their culture.

Uronacid:
I'm 14, so I know I shouldn't really be worrying about this kind of thing. I'm too young to really understand anything anyway. To the second part, I guess it depends on how you define spontaneous, because most of the time, I don't take risks. I guess that's why I deleted my original post; it made me feel too vulnerable. I haven't really rebelled either. The one thing I did that was actually rebellious was get in a relationship, and that just completely destroyed my parents' trust in me. I don't really know what I want after all. Growing up, my parents told me what I wanted, and I took it for what I wanted. Maybe I'll figure it out one day. Thank you though.

Little Meg Sunshine:
Thanks to you too. I know I should talk to my parents, but the truth is that they terrify me. I can't stand confrontation, because I think I'd be too weak to hold up to my beliefs. I'd end up agreeing with my parents and agreeing to do whatever they want me to do before I even realize that I've relented. As for the relationship, my boyfriend knows that I can't trust him, because it's been a constant issue. It hurts him, but he's standing next to me anyway, so I guess I have that to be thankful for.

jalspose:
I'm Christian too, but I don't think I'm a very good one. I know that God has a reason for everything that happens, but sometimes I just tend to doubt it, because I don't understand what's going on. I guess I just needed a reminder, so thank you. Also, I know my parents want the best for me; after all, what good does it do to them if I have a successful life or not? I think I'll take your advice though. Maybe I just need time off from everything to figure things out, and I hope that a short break doesn't change things negatively. Thank you.