mishyerr
Feb 14 2007, 09:05 PM
She sits arched, posed, silent;
her eyes aware of every little second and movement
Clenching her head in her hands -
She is not resting,
Her head held up by the rigidity of her spine.
Simply, but quietly
her last collapse, her eyes drop
Head falls into expectant hands
-------
This is a random poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Opinions?
poetwritremokid
Feb 14 2007, 09:07 PM
Good :] Verry good :] great use of imagery
Kathleen
Feb 15 2007, 12:31 PM
I like it.. except for I'm confused about her position.
Initially, you say she's posed, then she's clenching her head in her hands.. which makes me imagine that she's leaning forward a bit, but then her head is held up by how rigid her spine is.
Meh. Maybe I'm reading too into this or picking up different connotations. Eek.
mishyerr
Feb 15 2007, 09:52 PM
It's actually just a girl sitting at her desk; she's very tense at first, so she's not really relaxing and letting her head rest. Then, she finally "collapses" and she sort of "falls" into the position she was already set up in. If that makes sense. lol
Seņorita Semi-Automatic
Feb 20 2007, 12:07 AM
I really like your imagery! The subject is also very beautiful! It's too bad there isn't more structure (or maybe I'm not seeing it?)
mishyerr
Feb 20 2007, 07:44 PM
QUOTE(Seņorita Semi-Automatic @ Feb 20 2007, 1:07 AM)

I really like your imagery! The subject is also very beautiful! It's too bad there isn't more structure (or maybe I'm not seeing it?)
Unfortunately, there is no structure, haha. :/
lalalaLANUH
Feb 21 2007, 10:10 AM
AHH I get it now.
Originally I was with Kathleen.
But I get it...I like the subject matter.
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