It's a joke, really.

You have to laugh at the thoughts I have about him.
It's so funny how I think that what I'm feeling is all real, that it's all truely, and deeply coming from my heart. How I think that this feeling is something that I've never had, and that it's more than just a phase. It's so funny. Silly... how I sometimes cried for wanting him so bad. It's so silly to think that this is real because... it's just not. I'll gain nothing from my desire for him, just a good laugh in the end for being so stupid.

Haha, it's so funny, you'd laugh at what I did to get close to him.
How I made friends with his girl, just to TRY and stab her in the back and make him as my man. It's funny how that didn't work out because she's just too dam good of a person. It's so stupid how in my nursing class I touched his arm so softly when I was taking his blood pressure, and then started shaking when I looked at his eyes. That was stupid. Haha. And in the ackward silence that seemed to stop the world he smiled, and I looked away. So stupid, it's funny. And then one day I pretend I was upset, and made myself get teary-eyed just so he could ask if I was okay, and then the next day if I was feeling better. I'm such a freak it's so funny.

What cracks me up the most is that I had a chance, and I never took it. He asked if I had a boyfriend, and I said, "Yea, Mikey. He's older though. Goes to UIC." He tried to get to know me, and I locked everything in and just smiled and said yea. He wanted some closure at the end, but I couldn't even look at him when he wanted to say goodbye. It's funny that I can't get that chance again because he graduated and is moving to California.

It's funny that all this is true- TRUELY. I'm so sick, it's funny!

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this is all true. really. in the end i got really sick and lost 15 pounds. truely. in the end this joke really killed. my view on love was altered.