as i walk in this pre-formed line
i hear the screams inside
as if to say leave this place
you'll never be that good
i try to ignore them
they get louder
i freeze and loose my place in line
they see these scars i try to hide
abd laugh as if they have never done
i hide the pain but it still lives on
they scream at me with such hatred
i feel my face get red with anger
i scream out as if some one will care
they all just ignore me
like nothing happened
i beg for help but no one listens
i slice and slice till the pain is released
i get back in line in a place where i dont belong
im pushed and shoved until i fall
the ground is cold and wet
its crippling to the touch
i can no longer move
they pick up my body and carry it to a small watering hole
they toss me in as if to disposs of me
i jerk up and gasp for air
i fall back in and fall to the bottem
im time has come i think
just as a hand reachs in to help me
i grab ahold as a slowly drift upward
i see this face like an angel
as time goes on i become more and more like them
i form to there ways
with out one thought
i was never them and will never be them
so i again i go back to old habbits
and again i am forsaken

It's good.

The beginning was good, but the quality began to dwindle toward the end, and it just seemed redundant and out of place.



I thought the imagery in that line was great.

There needs to be a clearer theme and a doctrine to organize this poem. I still love it though. Really sets the mood.