originally started by faithin_felix.

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Most of you know the drill. Comment and/or quote someone elses entry but you must also make your own.


Dear cB,
So I am getting even more excited/ nervous about my possible transfer to another school. It will be a huge change if I decide to leave USF.

Dear cB diary,

Paper writing sucks balllllssssssssssssssss.

Dear cB diary,
I have failed as a daughter, student, everything.

^ No, no no no.

Dear createblog diary.
I'm sort of proud of myself. my photography skills went from crap to alright. I took some nice ones of the trees outside our house today, when I was supposed to be doing homework. Oops. Hehe.
Early out today and tommorow. School lets out at 12:15. YES. YES YES YES YES YES YEESSSSSSSS.
I as excited, can yah tell?
Well blah. I still haven't done my homework.
Oh yeah, and he hugged me today. woohoo.

Dear CB diary,
I am putting all my trust in [Him] because he says everything will be okay, and I believe it will be. I also cannot WAIT for christmas!! <33 Im so excited.

Julia! Honey, don't say that!

Dear CB Diary,
Mm, I am just in a better mood because my photo and bio presentations are over and both went surprisingly better than I thought they would go. Also, I don't have that much homework tonight so I can work on a little of tomorrow night's as well.

--Teesa

Dear cB diary,

today was a horrible day just all around. I was so tired, my outfit was crap, and i was hungry. 1st block was okay. I had fun, but i was still sad inside. Science, i just wanted to sleep. and get away. at lunch i was a vagrant. Alone and sad and .. just .. i dont know. 3rd block i was sad and pissed and angry. 4 block i became ever more sad, underneath all the laughing because of him. and HER. and how THEY could be. but not me. Then all of that with lightheaded fatigue dizzyness and no energy. I felt like fainting and almost threw up a few times. I was soooooo tired sad lonely angry and pretty much ravenous. I started crying =[

Then there was a fight
then i came home ( thats horrible on it owns )
then i find out my camera is jacked up
then i break it trying to fix it.

LKSABVOIABVLKADBA

dear cb diary,

my god i've been so exhausted lately and just stressed from everything, its driving me crazy. i need christmas break so badly right now. school is killing me. ap calculus is so hard and our test is on friday and i'm kinda freaking out. then our english term paper...gah. and it just feels all...to be so useless. dammit. school sucks. i never get enough sleep. i want to just relax and hang out with my friends and not have to worry about some essay, or test or some shit. fcuuuk. i need another vacation.

^ Aw, Steph, I know just how you feel. Except I don't have math class.

Dear cB diary,
There's something sticky on the side of my desk, right near my feet. My socks keep getting stuck on it. I'm afraid to find out what it is.

Dear cB Diary,

Today was crazy. Probably one of the most stressful days so far this year. But I didn't let it bother me. Is that a bad thing? I'm thinking it is.. hahaha.

Didn't sleep until 1:30ish last night because me and Trev were having a brutally honest conversation on the phone. Not a good brutally honest either. We talked about how we don't even know why we're together... how our personalities are so different.. how he's afraid of commitment.. etc. So yeah.. I didn't exactly go to bed with the best view of our relationship. He did send me a text message a couple of minutes after we hung up telling me he loved me, but I still felt a little uncertain.

Woke up late this morning as a result of my lack of sleep. Dad got pissed because he had new staff coming in at work. I muttered "f*ck you" under my breath a few times.. I gotta stop that. I am quite the disrespectful daughter.

Anyway, went to math class in the morning and studied history. Math teacher saw, didn't say anything. I felt bad. Trev sent me a text saying sorry for being stupid last night. I laughed. Had peer tutor after and took half the class off to study more history. Did tuning chart at lunch, glad to have gotten that over with. After, during my spare.. instead of studying more history I went to the darkroom and spent the period there. I know I was being stupid and screwing myself over... but I just needed to calm myself down. Sometimes I think I'm just a weirdo and only go to the darkroom because I enjoy the smell of the darkroom chemicals... hahaha. But I loved the fact that nobody used the darkroom I was using. There is absolutely nothing in the world like being alone in there, test strips, making prints, timing developer, stop, fix... screwing up from time to time. Oh man. I love photography... everything about it, and honestly don't know where I would be without it.

Anyway! Last block was the history seminar. I didn't really know my stuff... so I the only time I really talked was to explain the Manchurian Affair. Hahah.. and I didn't even care. Oy. Finished that at about 2:45 and "studied" math for half an hour... me, Jackie and Tommy had this plan to cheat off each other.. that was perfect.. until we found out we were in different rooms. Damn.

Yeah.. hard test. After the test me and Queenie went to see band teacher about not going to our Powell River trip. He complied. We were happy.

Got home, got on msn and Trev signed on after a while... again apologizing for yesterday. Saying he doesn't think he knows where he's going in life. I just said some crap. He said some crap. We're cool now. Seeing him tomorrow.

I should probably work on my math now.. since I bombed my make up test and all. Or maybe I'll just go write messages on my grad photos for people.. another colossal waste of time. :D

Alright enough blabbering.

-- Jen

dear cB diary,

only two more finals to go. i'm soooo happy.

went to brooks and spent $20 like THAT. seriously... all i bought was like four things. and i should be buying ppl xmas presents too. UGH. i need more money.

i miss him. and i want him to see me now.

Maia
xoxo

Dear cB Diary,

YES! A week and a half to go until winterbreak. :] I got a 4.0 on my report card. I'm proud. Any rewards? No.

Oh, and today is my brother's birthday, so..

Happy birthday, David. You're 20!

- Kelly

Cassie & Teesa: Thanks for being so supportive. :grouphug:

Dear cB diary,
It's been so cold. My personality has been cold. Hezron said to relax, and I'm trying really hard to. But how can I when I've got so many things on my mind? I think I'll just continue counting down the days till winter break.

My friend always complains about her "crappy life". She thinks things go so bad for her. I'm so jealous. All she has to deal with are her friend problems. Others have to deal with life and death situations. Others have to deal with so much more shitty things. I wish she would open her eyes and see how lucky she is.

Dear cB Diary...

well, today at school was pretty fun... a kid fell off the podium
we have a concert coming soon so i get to skiip some classes... but that so isnt cool. I DONT WANT HW!! Other than that, having mental stress on buying xmas gifts for everyone... this is the time of the year wen there is this huge dramatic fall on my balnce in my wallet. Welll, either way... I LUV CHRISTMAS!!

Dear CB Diary,
1 more day... I'm really nervous. I'm thinking of looking, and if (which is most likely) I don't get in, I'll just pretend that I didn't look at it yet. (Similar to what I did last year with report cards...). I also have a calc test tomorrow, but I can't seem to concentrate. It seems as if I'm losing all my motivation. It all rides on that single e-mail I'm getting tomorrow...

dear cB diary,

ugh. i just went in and failed that final. fcuk school.
just one more to go, at least...

okay, it's official. I CANNOT SHOP FOR GUYS. seriously, if i'm shopping online i get too distracted by the male models that i don't even notice the clothes. "is he hot? hmm he's ok. let's see OooH he's hott. lalalaa now HE'S f**king sexy. ew he's gay..." etc. if i'm in the actual store i end up wandering over to the women's section and just buying stuff for myself.
goshhhh. so annoying.
...and guys clothes are SUPER expensive. anything i would get for him is like $$$$$.
UGH. frustration.

Maia
xoxo

Dear CB diary,
My tummy hurts...and I need to go shower.........
Plus CB is really dead right now.....
oh welll...maybe when I come back it wont be

Dear CB Diary,
So, I got deferred... Expected a rejection but there was always that hope. Sigh. I need to continue to show interest so they'll seriously consider me in RD...
I really don't want to work on other apps though. I really wanted to get in. I'm really disappointed, in mysef especially...

dear cb diary,
i suck at studying.

^Me too.

Dear CB Diary,

I just want the next week to go by faster than this one. Because after next Friday is over, it's winter break!! I need those two weeks, as I'm sure everyone can relate. I'm looking forward to the winter party next friday night. I look forward to spending some quality time with the people I loveee and good food :) Although there is one thing that is kind of bothering me with the whole situation, but I hope ___ brings it up and tells it like it is.

This weekend is gonna be insane! I have to do last-minute christmas shopping for my secret santa stuff. I have to study for a few finals, do my T.O.K. title paper..well, I guess just edit it a little. Arghhh. And send my applications!

Whew.

Teesa

dear cb diary,

i'm going a bit crazy.
school sucks. i don't know how late i'll be up studying and doing school crap tonight.
i miss him. its so hard to find time to spend with him lately cause i'm so ridiculously busy. ugh.
i want to make him feel better, but i don't know how to properly.
i miss him.
i'm only getting 75 in english.
i haven't started my term paper.
i miss him and probably won't get to see him as much as i'd like over xmas break.
and god i wish it was break already but...i'm going to miss him so incredibly much...................

i feel absolutely pathetic right now.

Dear CB Diary,

I have no clue what's happening to me. All of a sudden, everything's just taking a turn for the worst. My aunt/uncle thinks I'm a selfish brat, my cousins think I'm some mean tween, my sister probably thinks of me as some slut, and my mom agrees with my sister.
I don't know how to show them that I'm not what they think. I've been misjudged for so long. No matter what I do, I'm always second best. I'm always wrong. It's always my fault. This and that.
Sometimes, I wonder why I'm not good enough. I've been having a 4.0 ever since the sixth grade. I never did drugs, I'm always staying out of trouble, I've never ditched school for anything, etc. All my friends think I should be more risky with everything. I should break a rule. But through my family's eyes, I'm a big delinquent who'll most likely grow up to be a prostitute.
No one trusts me anymore. I don't get any love from anyone anymore. I feel so abused. I won't be good enough for anyone. I don't know when this will all end. This is very eerie coming from such a bubbly, joyous kid like me. But it's my feelings.

dear cB diary,
I'M ON BREAK BITCHESSSSSSS!!!!!!!
last final today.



SO EFFING HAPPY.


Maia
xoxo

Dear cb Diary:
So much for being grounded and not being able to go anywhere What is she trying to do?? It's like all of the sudden I'm not there anymore. And I thought I got rid of this invisible sheild. askgvksdmg

Dear CB Diary,
Meh, I got my report card... I did so badly too. Sigh. I had a breakdown today in class, but I'm glad my friends were there to make me feel better. I was kinda pissed that I couldn't see my boyfriend today, but I'm feeling better about it.
I'm still really down about my deferral. Sigh, that sucks so much, especially since I know people who are less qualified that I am that did get accepted... That's a real downer.
I've been having these crazy mood swings lately too...

dear cb diary,

Interesting day today. I told everyone who i liked, hahahaha/ They told me we would make such a cute couple. etcetcetc. They also told me that i had a "shot" with him. Not that that helps, but it did make me happier. Eeeeee! I'm all giggly now.

Betty and Lorena are ina huge fight right now. I don't even hang out with them, but its all over the school. Basically, lorena is the ghetto mexican chick that will kick anyones ass that talks shit, and betty is this sweet innocent little white girl who messed with the wrong group. So betty talked shit, as did Lorena... yadayada... and here we are.
So then betty was in tears at lunch and her friends took her to the office, and lorena's group was threatening to kick her ass. It was alot of shit. But whatever, at least i got some amusement out of it.

We did our play's in language arts today. funfunfun. Our group did good. I mnade the class laugh, horray.

Courtney's coming over tommorow. woohoo!
later.
casse.

dear Createblog diary,

Guess who it is? Uh, yeah, it's Melissa. I have been neglecting createblog. I hate school. I hate rumors. I just hate it all. That's the reason why I haven't been on. I bet everyone forgot me. Well...I am not sure about that, I have been gone for 3 days? Exams are coming up - ugh. And, school is just hectic.

I feel like everyone doesn't like me anymore. This happens alot. At school and even on the internet. The reason I came back is to say I am leaving for awhile. I feel unloved and people think that I am very young they think I can't do anything. Even on createblog, they think that.

I am leaving for awhile. Maybe a few weeks.

love,
Melissa

Dear CB diary,

I'll get to see him in seven days. I'm so excited, but at the same time, I don't really know. I'm just so drained - school is just about to drive me mad. I really, really need his touch again; it's been so long. I miss the way his hair curls in his sideburns. I miss the little bridge on his nose. I miss that gigantic scar on his chin. I miss his arms wrapped around mine, our hands intertwined and laced together.

While it seems as if that's all I need, sometimes I just don't know. I know I could never need or desire anything he couldn't give me, because all I need is him, but I'm not so sure about his feelings and it kills me.

Last week he lied and said he was going to sleep, but he went with his friends to his ex-girlfriend's party. The next day he told me and I bawled. He ended up crying too because he felt guilty. Then, not even 24 hours later, he lied about what he's done with other girls. 11 months and I've been lied to the whole time.

I should look at his perspective - he was trying to protect me from getting hurt, right?






Bottom line is... I overthink and overreact and I cry way, way too much. I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy because I just miss him so much.



I will be alright, won't I?

^Of course you'll be alright hon. I hope you're feeling a little better.

Dear CB Diary,

Today was fun. Lauren and I got to leave French a little early to head down to Laredo Middle School and talk to their eighth graders about the IB program. Aww, they're so little! Haha, I was first scared to talk in the mic, but I felt comfortable up there after a couple seconds. After that, I had a counseling appointment which went very well since I got my questions answered :D And she told me that she wants to keep both my college essays for references later. I was so happy.

Then, I turned in my first college application!! To Colorado State University. Let me tell you, it felt really liberating. Wowww. I loved it. The College Career Center was seriously mayhem when I went. It's so awesome to see all my friends so grown up. Cool.

After school, a bunch of us went to the mall and took pictures in the Christmas store for our greeting cards! It was fun. Then, I grabbed some Chinese food and was dropped off at home. My brother was there! He officially has started winter break. Awesome. I watched the Nuggets game with him--which they won!!--and the Avs game--they won, too!! It was awesome!!

After the game, I went online and submitted two more college apps. It feels good. But I have a lot of work to do this weekend. UGH.

--Teesa

dear cb diary,
oh geeeeez i hope he doesnt like me...aaargh. grr.

This year is the worst..

Dear cB diary,

I truly feel like I'm digging a hole, here, and it's one I can't find my way out of.

dear cB diary,

i don't know what to do. i feel like i have two options and whatever i choose i will end up unhappy in some way, and happy in the way i wouldn't be if i chose something else.


i just don't know.


Maia
xoxo

Dear cb diary,

COURTNEY IS OVERRRRRR.
hooray! *dancedancedance*
She is reading this as i speak. I just did a blend of her, and one for jenny and her g-crew... or whatever she calls it.
patricia and i talked on the phone again today.
I'm really bored. My clothes are drying.
Fun, huh? We're gonna take some pictures afterwards.

I WANNA GO TO JAMBA JUICE.
- cassie

dear cb diary...

i feel so lazy right now... gotta do something before io freak...

Dear cB diary,
I'm tired...

and I miss Taiwan.

dear cBdiary,

i wish we were friends - he and i. instead, he's going to be friends with my sister, who couldn't care less.

dear cb diary,
heee aaassskkkeeeddd me oooouuuutt!!!
(and I said yes)

^^
aw cassie, congrats!


dear cb diary,

parents suck. a lot. they control my life and don't treat me my age and i hate it. its bullshit. but whatever.
i love him. he makes me so happy...i just wish that both of our parents weren't so overbearing. sigh. ah well. in due time i guess...
school sucks. way too stressful, and i still haven't started that term paper. ugh. i need my vacation. badly.

dear cb diary,
i hate my f**king brother.
he's getting kicked out tomorrow.
i hope he does himself well. f**ker.

Dear cB diary...
It's always my fault! I'm f**king tired of it. He's TOO jealous, he thinks about my ex more than he thinks about me. I f**king love him, but i have my doubts...i'm going insane.

Should i continue loving him, even though many people don't want me to? He's he the right one for me?

I'm f**king screwed.

dear cb diary,
omg omg omg i hate them all. my sister never feeds her hamster, ever. and guess what? it died today. she didn't even care. i started to cry. The poor thing was on her back. I mean she neverrrrrr fed it or anything. I feel so bad for it. And then i told her this, and she started to cry,
Of course dad felt bad for her and said "oh come here baaaaby its okay don't listen to her blah blah blah blah"
I hate them. she let her f**king hamster die and I get in trouble for telling hr she never f**king fed the poor thing in the first place.
At least my hamster is alive. i FEED it. -smiles-

I love Jacob. We had a fun day. He hugged me like 5 times. We kept smiling at eachother. We talk on myspace like 494208 hours a day

homelife still sucks though. bye.
- cassie

^ CASSIE. WHOAAA. You have a lover.

dear cb diary,

i'm supposed to be sleeping right now. -shrug-

i like him. why? cause he's funny and hot. he's such a dork.

- kelly

dear cb diary,
f**king school. f**king family. f**king friends.

f**k. i hate this. i am SO angry. i hate f**king life.

^

cb diary:
Finals are alll this week. Today was a good day though. I got a 103 on my geometry test [highest in class thanks very much ) and the two worst days of the week are over! Now if I can make it through finals I'll feel even better. I have so much to do before she gets here on Sunday. I don't know how it will all fit in

dear cB diary,

i know what i want to do. so that's done.

but i hate all this other shit. why can't things just work out by themselves? why do i have to do something. this sucks. i want a fairy godmother. lmao

Maia
xoxo

Dear CB Diary,
Everyone I know is getting into college, and I'm feeling left behind. It's really disheartening... Yeah, I'm happy for them, but I'm also really disappointed in myself. Sigh, there are so many "what ifs" but there's nothing I can do... just focus on the future...

hahahah Kelly, yes.

dear cb diary,
today was fun. very fun. Patricia and i went to borders and jamba jiuice. Actuslly, we walked. Our dad's picked us up and the excact same time. Haha.
I have to go to the dentest tommorow. dammit.
Jacooooooooooob. He is so cute. We sat together at lunch and he kept meking this dorky laugh. But I thought it was so adorable. And then we walked to science together (we both have science after lunch) and hugged. Total huge from him today: 3
I hate this stinking ballett final shit. daaaaaamn.

dear cB diary,

omGOD. i changed my mind. i still don't know what i'm gonna do. it's so confusing right now. shiiiiiiiet i need help.

Maia
xoxo

dear cb diary,

lorena and stevie, those f**king bitches. they're starting rumors that I'm only going out with him because I want a boyfriend. They won't stop saying shit. They made me cry today. They ruined my f**king day. Thanks, guys.

- cassie

in "love"

When you find love, you'd do anything just to keep them forever, wouldn't you? But then again, at our teenage years, serious relationships are not allowed because we are too young. But still you fall in 'love'. Not being aware of the drama that comes along with relationships, you fall to your knees, crying, the day your love decides to walk out the door. Your heart breaks into pieces and your whole world seems to fall apart.

*But then you realize that it's just a phase.

The wound in your heart begins to heal. Finally, you feel like you can breathe again. You then start to be friends with your past love because you realize that being friends is better than being nothing. Right?

So you're friends. Everything's cool. Hanging out one day with a group of people, your ex-love decides to play that one song that you two always played when you were together. You freeze for a moment. To save yourself from breaking down & reminiscing, you politely ask to not play the song.. But still, he continues to play it and you have no choice but to sit and listen. Now memories start rushing back. But you take a deep breath, and you pull yourself together. You say to yourself, "It's nothing."

Days pass and you happen to see your him again. You notice the clothes that he is wearing. You think to yourself, why is that outfit so familiar? Then you realize. It's the outfit that you bought as a present when you two were together. That's when you break.

Before that time, you meet a new friend, a girl. You spend some time together, and share a couple laughter. You bond and share secrets, feelings, etc. You enjoy your new friend's company and you realize that you want to keep that friendship alive. But then truth comes out. This new friend of yours is messing with your love. This new friend lied to your face when the words, "Nothing will happen between me and your love" came out of your new friend's mouth. Loyalty, honesty, & trust was what you gave your new friend. But in return, you get a needle piercing through your heart. You are left speechless.

Even though it was the past, something still hurts. Why can't I FULLY get over him. Help me to be less selfish. I know there's more important things in life. I rarely open up like this. I'm just vulnerable right now.