originally started by faithin_felix.
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Most of you know the drill. Comment and/or quote someone elses entry but you must also make your own.
Dear cB,
My first quiz is tommorrow. I may have to pull an all-nighter tonight. Hopefully not....
Full Version: createblog diary
dear cb,
im about to go to school, might as weel squeeze a quick one in.
its spirit week at school. WOO! heres the schedule:
monday: band t-shirt day
tuesday: twin day
wednesday: wacky wednesday
thursday: pajama day
friday: superhero day
today is twin day. me and brandi are wearing blue shirts [mine is lightblue with brown polka dots], and brown/khacki skirts, with our hair in pigtails. i cant wait!
me and cathy are finally getting along. we have all these cute inside jokes now ^_^. er-- not much else to say. we went to walmart yesterday and i bought more drawing crap. then i drew a few pictures last night..
wow, i just realized this was a new version. bye!
im about to go to school, might as weel squeeze a quick one in.
its spirit week at school. WOO! heres the schedule:
monday: band t-shirt day
tuesday: twin day
wednesday: wacky wednesday
thursday: pajama day
friday: superhero day
today is twin day. me and brandi are wearing blue shirts [mine is lightblue with brown polka dots], and brown/khacki skirts, with our hair in pigtails. i cant wait!
me and cathy are finally getting along. we have all these cute inside jokes now ^_^. er-- not much else to say. we went to walmart yesterday and i bought more drawing crap. then i drew a few pictures last night..
wow, i just realized this was a new version. bye!
Dear Createblog Diary,
Whoa. Stress stress stress.
3 projects, already! Damnit, I don't have the time or patience to do ANY of them. Somebody save me.
Well, Nicole and I made up. Even though she wasn't really mad in the first place. I hate liars.
Man, I got three hours of sleep last night. I could not fall asleep....
Alright, Gilmore Girls is coming on soon. Whoopeeee :D
Whoa. Stress stress stress.
3 projects, already! Damnit, I don't have the time or patience to do ANY of them. Somebody save me.
Well, Nicole and I made up. Even though she wasn't really mad in the first place. I hate liars.
Man, I got three hours of sleep last night. I could not fall asleep....
Alright, Gilmore Girls is coming on soon. Whoopeeee :D
dear cb diary,
my parents wonder why i don't like to talk to them or anything. its quite funny actually. they are unreasonable, hypocritical, prejudiced, etc. i can't stand them. i need out. badly. fcuk.
and school is okay. stressful but...its only the 2nd week. oh dear.
my parents wonder why i don't like to talk to them or anything. its quite funny actually. they are unreasonable, hypocritical, prejudiced, etc. i can't stand them. i need out. badly. fcuk.
and school is okay. stressful but...its only the 2nd week. oh dear.
Dear CB Diary,
So, he asked for a break. Or actually, not exactly a break, but a temporary period where we don't really see or talk to each other as much. Meh. I was kinda asking for it, but I don't really like it. I suppose we should just ride this out and hopefully it'll end soon (the break). Eh.
And, I dunno. I still think about my ex a lot, but it's only because I want to be friends with him again. I really want that to happen this year...
Oh, and I hate school and homework and the college application process.
So, he asked for a break. Or actually, not exactly a break, but a temporary period where we don't really see or talk to each other as much. Meh. I was kinda asking for it, but I don't really like it. I suppose we should just ride this out and hopefully it'll end soon (the break). Eh.
And, I dunno. I still think about my ex a lot, but it's only because I want to be friends with him again. I really want that to happen this year...
Oh, and I hate school and homework and the college application process.
Dear cReateblog Diary,
I don't like him but I like some other dude. Uh, is that wrong? >.<
UH, ahh.
I don't like him but I like some other dude. Uh, is that wrong? >.<
UH, ahh.
DEAR CB Diary,
I have the weirdest thoughts going through my head right now? homework, papers due, art project, website stuff, friends, guitar, a game i have to attend, my life has gotten so busy since school started. i hate it!! well hopefully i'll get through it right? i hope so.
ONE&ONLY,
CONFUSED?LOST?STRESS?
I have the weirdest thoughts going through my head right now? homework, papers due, art project, website stuff, friends, guitar, a game i have to attend, my life has gotten so busy since school started. i hate it!! well hopefully i'll get through it right? i hope so.
ONE&ONLY,
CONFUSED?LOST?STRESS?
Dear CB,
I'm so freakin sleepy right now. Even my vanilla coffee is not keeping me awake..
..*sigh* I wish there is no school tmr instead so I could sleep in. Ahh...second week of school, and I am already that tired. Maybe I shouldn't be staying up til 11...though that is not late for most people I know..GAH! I need to get back to drawing! Write more later =)
I'm so freakin sleepy right now. Even my vanilla coffee is not keeping me awake..
..*sigh* I wish there is no school tmr instead so I could sleep in. Ahh...second week of school, and I am already that tired. Maybe I shouldn't be staying up til 11...though that is not late for most people I know..GAH! I need to get back to drawing! Write more later =)
dear cb diary,
wow. just wow. i feel so weird now.
i decided to type my name in the search, because ive never done that bafore, and i was skimming through my posts, and i found all these posts in the hate thread from, like, march, that ive never seen before.
the sad thing is that alot of these people are good friends of mine now >.>, it just feels weird. to see stuff like that you never knew. but anyways, that was back in march, and im going t put that behind me
twin day was a success. me and brandi and cathy all wore our blue shirts and khaki skirts and hair in braids and looked so cute ^_^
tommorow is wacky wednesday. i already have my outfit planned out: polka dotted layered skirts, layered ruffle skirt, knee high socks, hair in pigtails, wristband. im going over to brandis house early to get ready with her. this is going to be fun!
ill write back later tommorow. bye =]
wow. just wow. i feel so weird now.
i decided to type my name in the search, because ive never done that bafore, and i was skimming through my posts, and i found all these posts in the hate thread from, like, march, that ive never seen before.
the sad thing is that alot of these people are good friends of mine now >.>, it just feels weird. to see stuff like that you never knew. but anyways, that was back in march, and im going t put that behind me
twin day was a success. me and brandi and cathy all wore our blue shirts and khaki skirts and hair in braids and looked so cute ^_^
tommorow is wacky wednesday. i already have my outfit planned out: polka dotted layered skirts, layered ruffle skirt, knee high socks, hair in pigtails, wristband. im going over to brandis house early to get ready with her. this is going to be fun!
ill write back later tommorow. bye =]
Dear cB diary,
Oh dear. I found Trojan Horses in my computer.
Not good.
Oh dear. I found Trojan Horses in my computer.
Not good.
Dear Createblog Diary,
Listening to this song ( Stephen Speaks- Out of my League) gives me the chills.
If a boy ever sang something like this to me....I'd gush on about it for FOREVER. goooosh
Listening to this song ( Stephen Speaks- Out of my League) gives me the chills.
If a boy ever sang something like this to me....I'd gush on about it for FOREVER. goooosh
dear cb diary,
OMFG, TODAY WAS ONE OF THE SCARIEST DAYS EVER. I BLACKED OUT IN CLASS. heres what happened:
so i take ballett class, right? performing arts school..allthatstuff.. so anyway.
we were sitting there, stretching as usual to some calm music, when all of a sudden, i started to feel very sick and weak in the stomach.
i looked over at brandi and said "brandi i dont feeeel good", holding my stomach. she shot me a sympathetic look and we got back to excersizing.
but it wasnt going away. it only got worse. i started to feel weak, and hold my stomach.
well, i was scared i was gonna puke in front of the class or something, so i asked the teacher if i could go to the bathroom, because i didnt feel well. she excused me, and just a few seconds later, i collapsed.
well, it was more like me sitting down. i was too weak to stand, i just sat there, very blank and held my stomach, as everything started to black out. i heard noises from all of my class gathering around me, and my teacher ran to call the nurse.
i could finally see a few seconds later, and i felt very weird. i was insanely hot, on a cold day like this in my tight leotard, and i felt very dizzy and weak. my friends told me to lay down and keep my knees up, and they all held my hand and talked to me until the nurse came.
when the nurse got there, she stood me up slowly and told me to pick someone to help me get to the office. i chose brandi. she also asked brandi to bring me my stuff out of my locker too, afterwards
so on the walk up to the office, she began questioning me like "are you okay", and "did you eat breakfast this morning?" and stuff like that.
she finally came to the conclusion that i had not eaten breakfast and i did walk to school and do dance, which wore all of my energy out and made my blood sugar low, which caused me to black out momentarily.
so we got to the office, and she gave me a soda and told me to drink it to get better. she also told me i looked very pale. she then took my temparture and called my dad, and asked him to come get me.
brandi came up to the nurses office during lunch and we talked the whole time.
so yeah, she left. my dad came. the nurse explained everything, and then i told him the story on the way home.
OMFG, TODAY WAS ONE OF THE SCARIEST DAYS EVER. I BLACKED OUT IN CLASS. heres what happened:
so i take ballett class, right? performing arts school..allthatstuff.. so anyway.
we were sitting there, stretching as usual to some calm music, when all of a sudden, i started to feel very sick and weak in the stomach.
i looked over at brandi and said "brandi i dont feeeel good", holding my stomach. she shot me a sympathetic look and we got back to excersizing.
but it wasnt going away. it only got worse. i started to feel weak, and hold my stomach.
well, i was scared i was gonna puke in front of the class or something, so i asked the teacher if i could go to the bathroom, because i didnt feel well. she excused me, and just a few seconds later, i collapsed.
well, it was more like me sitting down. i was too weak to stand, i just sat there, very blank and held my stomach, as everything started to black out. i heard noises from all of my class gathering around me, and my teacher ran to call the nurse.
i could finally see a few seconds later, and i felt very weird. i was insanely hot, on a cold day like this in my tight leotard, and i felt very dizzy and weak. my friends told me to lay down and keep my knees up, and they all held my hand and talked to me until the nurse came.
when the nurse got there, she stood me up slowly and told me to pick someone to help me get to the office. i chose brandi. she also asked brandi to bring me my stuff out of my locker too, afterwards
so on the walk up to the office, she began questioning me like "are you okay", and "did you eat breakfast this morning?" and stuff like that.
she finally came to the conclusion that i had not eaten breakfast and i did walk to school and do dance, which wore all of my energy out and made my blood sugar low, which caused me to black out momentarily.
so we got to the office, and she gave me a soda and told me to drink it to get better. she also told me i looked very pale. she then took my temparture and called my dad, and asked him to come get me.
brandi came up to the nurses office during lunch and we talked the whole time.
so yeah, she left. my dad came. the nurse explained everything, and then i told him the story on the way home.
^^
wow cassie, hope you're feeling better.
dear cb diary,
wow. what a day. good and bad.
got to leave school early for my road test and even though i was hella nervous, i passed. fcuk yes.
texted adrian then he called me and told me that in iblock today, which i'd missed, they did the nominations/voting for grad committee. okay, i've wanted to be on grad committee for my grad year since like...grade 10. or earlier. i wanted it sooo badly...and i didn't get it. and of course...he did. but he doesn't care about it so much. fcuk. its not his fault but...it bothers me. i would've done a good job, i know it. i got nominated but i just didn't get enough votes or something i guess. fcuk you all. i may be exaggerating but i don't care. this actually meant a lot to me and it pisses me off because i know i would've done a great job.
godammit all.
wow cassie, hope you're feeling better.
dear cb diary,
wow. what a day. good and bad.
got to leave school early for my road test and even though i was hella nervous, i passed. fcuk yes.
texted adrian then he called me and told me that in iblock today, which i'd missed, they did the nominations/voting for grad committee. okay, i've wanted to be on grad committee for my grad year since like...grade 10. or earlier. i wanted it sooo badly...and i didn't get it. and of course...he did. but he doesn't care about it so much. fcuk. its not his fault but...it bothers me. i would've done a good job, i know it. i got nominated but i just didn't get enough votes or something i guess. fcuk you all. i may be exaggerating but i don't care. this actually meant a lot to me and it pisses me off because i know i would've done a great job.
godammit all.
Cassie,
I hope you're feeling okay now.
I hope you're feeling okay now.
Dear cB Diary,
Ah so icky right now. Yeahh I'm so changing my cB username to "helllla jankyyyy" Ahaha. You like?
Ah my mom is making me so mad. Ugh I hate going jean shopping with her. She's always like getting mad at me. Like last weekend I got new jeans and she was mad because I went down a size and whanot. From one to zero. Ughhh. I know she cares but EVERYDAY she's talking about my sizes and eating. I'm like, you freaking swear like I literary don't eat. Dang. I understand kind of, because she has horrible weight problems. Yeah but still I'm not like her.
School? Ah I'm trying hard. But I don't know I have a feeling this year is going to be like every year. Ah. I sure hope not. I'm trying really hard not to get sidetracked but dsjhgdjadha. Stupid school. I hate art, too. I REALLY CAN'T DRAW. I can't draw stick figures. I get so jealous of people's cute stick figures. Oh goddddd. Yeah I suck at drawing.
Spanish was sooooo fun today. We had a subsitute who is like the slowest sub ever. I was on the phone with KRIS from cB and with some guy from SF who I didn't even know who it was. My friend was cussing at him too. Yeahhh the cute guy in my class got hit with a BIG ASS HARD paperball. Poo kiddo. Yeahh man they make hard balls. They are so thick and no squciky at all. I would die if I get hit with one. but yeahhh spanish was the best class today. I reallllly hope we have a sub again tomorrow. I love chaos in that class.
<33 Lorena
Cassie: I hope you're okay now sweetheart
Ah so icky right now. Yeahh I'm so changing my cB username to "helllla jankyyyy" Ahaha. You like?
Ah my mom is making me so mad. Ugh I hate going jean shopping with her. She's always like getting mad at me. Like last weekend I got new jeans and she was mad because I went down a size and whanot. From one to zero. Ughhh. I know she cares but EVERYDAY she's talking about my sizes and eating. I'm like, you freaking swear like I literary don't eat. Dang. I understand kind of, because she has horrible weight problems. Yeah but still I'm not like her.
School? Ah I'm trying hard. But I don't know I have a feeling this year is going to be like every year. Ah. I sure hope not. I'm trying really hard not to get sidetracked but dsjhgdjadha. Stupid school. I hate art, too. I REALLY CAN'T DRAW. I can't draw stick figures. I get so jealous of people's cute stick figures. Oh goddddd. Yeah I suck at drawing.
Spanish was sooooo fun today. We had a subsitute who is like the slowest sub ever. I was on the phone with KRIS from cB and with some guy from SF who I didn't even know who it was. My friend was cussing at him too. Yeahhh the cute guy in my class got hit with a BIG ASS HARD paperball. Poo kiddo. Yeahh man they make hard balls. They are so thick and no squciky at all. I would die if I get hit with one. but yeahhh spanish was the best class today. I reallllly hope we have a sub again tomorrow. I love chaos in that class.
<33 Lorena
Cassie: I hope you're okay now sweetheart
Dear CB,
Yay! I did better than I expected on my provincial exams..=)...now now..I won't brrrag like the rest of the people.. - - '
Yay! I did better than I expected on my provincial exams..=)...now now..I won't brrrag like the rest of the people.. - - '
Dear createblog Diary,
I hate my sophomore life. The end!
edit;
I HATE MY COACH TOO.
edit again;
YAY MY DAD IS GOING BACK TO TAIWAN. Which means that he won't be stopping by my room to insult me.
I hate my sophomore life. The end!
edit;
I HATE MY COACH TOO.
edit again;
YAY MY DAD IS GOING BACK TO TAIWAN. Which means that he won't be stopping by my room to insult me.
dear cB diary..
Today was a good and bad day..
I really, really, really, really, can't believe that **** moved into my class..I know he said he was going to, but I didn't really think that would happen..Seeing him makes me feel really hurt..I don't want to see him..Why do I have to see him?Seeing him hurts me really badly..The weird thing is, its my fault I feel hurt..My fault for thinking rejecting him would be the best thing..But if I did tell him yes, would that have been fair to make him wait for a couple of months?I dont know..I'm so confused about boy issues at the moment..
The good things that happened was I had ROTC..ROTC is like the only thing that makes me happy...I guess its because of the people that are in it..Even though the people are strict, they're nice..Sigh..
Everything seems really confusing to me...
But the sad thing is, I don't trust anyone so much that I can tell them what I'm feeling..I keep everything in..Because when I did tell certain people about myself, they laughed at me..So I don't trust so many people..Sigh..I thought High school would be more easier..Not harder and complicated..
--Nancy--
Today was a good and bad day..
I really, really, really, really, can't believe that **** moved into my class..I know he said he was going to, but I didn't really think that would happen..Seeing him makes me feel really hurt..I don't want to see him..Why do I have to see him?Seeing him hurts me really badly..The weird thing is, its my fault I feel hurt..My fault for thinking rejecting him would be the best thing..But if I did tell him yes, would that have been fair to make him wait for a couple of months?I dont know..I'm so confused about boy issues at the moment..
The good things that happened was I had ROTC..ROTC is like the only thing that makes me happy...I guess its because of the people that are in it..Even though the people are strict, they're nice..Sigh..
Everything seems really confusing to me...
But the sad thing is, I don't trust anyone so much that I can tell them what I'm feeling..I keep everything in..Because when I did tell certain people about myself, they laughed at me..So I don't trust so many people..Sigh..I thought High school would be more easier..Not harder and complicated..
--Nancy--
thanks lorena, sarah, and steph. im all better now
so anyway, today i had to go to the doctor after what happened yesterday. it wasnt bad, although it was a long weight. she weighed me and then took me in the room and asked me questions like 'do you eat on a regular basis" and "have youi ever made yourself throw up" and crap. i just sat there and said "no...im not bulimic -____-"
so yeah, then we left and got lunch, and i went back to school. everyone was like "OMGGGG CASSIE HOW ARE YOU NOW?????". it was so sweet ^_^
oh yes, and today was pajama day. i wore some leyered black n white tank tops, my blue care bear pajamas, and my blue happy bunny slippers
so yeah. overall a good day. we had a sub in ballett and or teacher let us wear our pajama pants in class [instead of those tight ass leotards]. wee.
oh yeah, and, 3000TH POST!!!
so anyway, today i had to go to the doctor after what happened yesterday. it wasnt bad, although it was a long weight. she weighed me and then took me in the room and asked me questions like 'do you eat on a regular basis" and "have youi ever made yourself throw up" and crap. i just sat there and said "no...im not bulimic -____-"
so yeah, then we left and got lunch, and i went back to school. everyone was like "OMGGGG CASSIE HOW ARE YOU NOW?????". it was so sweet ^_^
oh yes, and today was pajama day. i wore some leyered black n white tank tops, my blue care bear pajamas, and my blue happy bunny slippers
so yeah. overall a good day. we had a sub in ballett and or teacher let us wear our pajama pants in class [instead of those tight ass leotards]. wee.
oh yeah, and, 3000TH POST!!!
Dear CB,
I can't stand this. I can't believe how jealous I'm getting; it's killing me inside. I saw him staring at her the other day (I know I'm paranoid, it's probably fake) he shares a waterbottle with him. but he's my boyfriend. I want him to love me. I know I'm selfish. I hate being selfish.
and than my other best friend, it feels like she betrayed me. I can't believe how much.. just, ugh, it's so pathetic. Everyone's so pathetic; but I am the most pathetic out of all these fakers.
-Michelle.
I can't stand this. I can't believe how jealous I'm getting; it's killing me inside. I saw him staring at her the other day (I know I'm paranoid, it's probably fake) he shares a waterbottle with him. but he's my boyfriend. I want him to love me. I know I'm selfish. I hate being selfish.
and than my other best friend, it feels like she betrayed me. I can't believe how much.. just, ugh, it's so pathetic. Everyone's so pathetic; but I am the most pathetic out of all these fakers.
-Michelle.
dear cb diary,
why am i so disappointed? really. why? sigh.
i shouldn't be. its stupid. but whatever.
i hope things work out on saturday.
why am i so disappointed? really. why? sigh.
i shouldn't be. its stupid. but whatever.
i hope things work out on saturday.
dear cb diary,
today alex, mandi and i sat with brandi & zakk at lunch. and brandi convinced zakk to get jacob to come over and sit with us. not to sound like a middle schooler or something but he is sooooooo cute. and like 50 times as shy as i am...i have a crush on him. too bad he's a freshie. lol. then again age ain't nothing but a number. i mean if he's 14 then i'm only 2 years older lol. oh well, i don't care. haha.
mandi is like obsessed with him though. and it pi$$e$ me off. she is very close to going stalker on him. and she knows that i like him. and for goodness sake, she has a boyfriend. 
that's about it... hahaha..i can't wait until monday...haha, we're going to eat with brandi again 
today alex, mandi and i sat with brandi & zakk at lunch. and brandi convinced zakk to get jacob to come over and sit with us. not to sound like a middle schooler or something but he is sooooooo cute. and like 50 times as shy as i am...i have a crush on him. too bad he's a freshie. lol. then again age ain't nothing but a number. i mean if he's 14 then i'm only 2 years older lol. oh well, i don't care. haha.
mandi is like obsessed with him though. and it pi$$e$ me off. she is very close to going stalker on him. and she knows that i like him. and for goodness sake, she has a boyfriend. that's about it... hahaha..i can't wait until monday...haha, we're going to eat with brandi again
Dear Createblog Diary,
I wish it were night. I'd like to go outside and watch the stars.
Too bad nobody could do it with me.
I wish it were night. I'd like to go outside and watch the stars.
Too bad nobody could do it with me.
Dear Createblog diary,
I've been listening to this song too much. It just reminds me of him again and again and again and since I don't sleep at night, it becomes one of those things that I just can't let go of.
But it's such a nice song. Grrr.
Biology is really taking a lot out of me. I'm in there ALL the freakin' time and I feel like I don't have any time to work on any of my other courses. I'm hella excited for psychology though! My prof is awesome and I can't wait to learn more and more stuff. Psych stuff has always interested me.
Weekend time ... I wonder how it will go. Hopefully, I get to have some fun and take my mind off him for a while
See ya'll laters,
TornGemini
I've been listening to this song too much. It just reminds me of him again and again and again and since I don't sleep at night, it becomes one of those things that I just can't let go of.
But it's such a nice song. Grrr.
Biology is really taking a lot out of me. I'm in there ALL the freakin' time and I feel like I don't have any time to work on any of my other courses. I'm hella excited for psychology though! My prof is awesome and I can't wait to learn more and more stuff. Psych stuff has always interested me.
Weekend time ... I wonder how it will go. Hopefully, I get to have some fun and take my mind off him for a while
See ya'll laters,
TornGemini
Dear cB Diary,
Damn guys are so .. wow. ..Ladeda school's fun. =P
Ahhh theres this club in SAN FRANCISCO on Septemember 30th! High school students only. 14-18 year olds only. Highschool I.D needed. Ahh I SOOOOOO want to go. Hmm I think some of the bay area kids from createblog should go TOO and we can uhh PARTY. rofl.
I WANNA GO SO DAMN BAD!
Damn guys are so .. wow. ..Ladeda school's fun. =P
Ahhh theres this club in SAN FRANCISCO on Septemember 30th! High school students only. 14-18 year olds only. Highschool I.D needed. Ahh I SOOOOOO want to go. Hmm I think some of the bay area kids from createblog should go TOO and we can uhh PARTY. rofl.
I WANNA GO SO DAMN BAD!
Dear CB,
ARGH! Talking about sexist in PE class today...We were playing basketball and the teacher shooed us girls in PE class away in its own little corner and told us to play alone, or join the guys to form teams to play b-ball. Well I felt like being apart with the guys because of sportmanship. BUT TALKING ABOUT SPORTMANSHIP, THESE GUYS KNOW CRAP ABOUT IT ..As we started, the guys just kept passing ball b/t the guys, and never bother to look up and pass to the girls. I even got hit by the ball and those guys gave crap about it. So in the end I decided to quit and ditch playing with them, afterall they didn't attempt to 'pla' with us, no but they ignored us..*insert more angry faces* So I come to the conclusion, guys are sexists in the term of thinking girls can't do PE. WHAT THE HELL!! SINCE WHEN!@!@#!! URGH, those guys pissed me off so bad after PE..next time I won't even try to pick up their balls when they come rolling toward me, instead I will just kick it in the opposite direction...and NO I WON'T GO BACK TO THOSE GUYS AGAIN! FINE, WE WILL PLAY IN OUR 'LITTLE CORNER' OF OURS, AND YOU MALES STAY AWAY THEN!
ARGH! Talking about sexist in PE class today...We were playing basketball and the teacher shooed us girls in PE class away in its own little corner and told us to play alone, or join the guys to form teams to play b-ball. Well I felt like being apart with the guys because of sportmanship. BUT TALKING ABOUT SPORTMANSHIP, THESE GUYS KNOW CRAP ABOUT IT
..As we started, the guys just kept passing ball b/t the guys, and never bother to look up and pass to the girls. I even got hit by the ball and those guys gave crap about it. So in the end I decided to quit and ditch playing with them, afterall they didn't attempt to 'pla' with us, no but they ignored us..*insert more angry faces* So I come to the conclusion, guys are sexists in the term of thinking girls can't do PE. WHAT THE HELL!! SINCE WHEN!@!@#!! URGH, those guys pissed me off so bad after PE..next time I won't even try to pick up their balls when they come rolling toward me, instead I will just kick it in the opposite direction...and NO I WON'T GO BACK TO THOSE GUYS AGAIN! FINE, WE WILL PLAY IN OUR 'LITTLE CORNER' OF OURS, AND YOU MALES STAY AWAY THEN!
Never posted in this before...
"Dear diary, I gave in....again. I sent him a text... again. And i sit here staring at my phone, seeing if he'll text me back...again"
"Dear diary, I gave in....again. I sent him a text... again. And i sit here staring at my phone, seeing if he'll text me back...again"
Dear cB Diary,
I wish my mom didn't rag on me so much.
And the coach would actually understand me instead of yelling, "MOVE YOUR DAMN FEET."
I wish i hadn't cried today.
I wish my mom didn't rag on me so much.
And the coach would actually understand me instead of yelling, "MOVE YOUR DAMN FEET."
I wish i hadn't cried today.
Dear cb diary,
I can't believed that I changed this year. I changed the way I dress, and along with many things. Some people hate it, some people hate it on the inside, some people encourage it, I don't know. But I promised myself I wouldn't if I didn't want to. I guess the only reason I did this was to attract guys, and make new friends. But see, it doesn't seem to be working. And now I feel fake. And ... ugh. I just can't think right now. I just want to get out of the house and hang out with people I like. I hope that I'll get to hang out with Steph today and I hope she's not gonna ignore me for Jaclyn. I don't know what my problem is with her. I have a pile of homework to be done, but I don't feel like doing it right now.
cassie, glad to know you're okay
I can't believed that I changed this year. I changed the way I dress, and along with many things. Some people hate it, some people hate it on the inside, some people encourage it, I don't know. But I promised myself I wouldn't if I didn't want to. I guess the only reason I did this was to attract guys, and make new friends. But see, it doesn't seem to be working. And now I feel fake. And ... ugh. I just can't think right now. I just want to get out of the house and hang out with people I like. I hope that I'll get to hang out with Steph today and I hope she's not gonna ignore me for Jaclyn. I don't know what my problem is with her. I have a pile of homework to be done, but I don't feel like doing it right now.
cassie, glad to know you're okay
you know what? im going to get this all out, right here, right now.
dear cb diary,
ok, i am done with this. im just so tired of it. her problems which she always takes out on me, her critisizing which is always on me, her corrections, which is always about what i say... everything. ok so technically, she didnt do anything wrong, but she knows all of this is true, she just wants to make me look bad as always.
you see, these are her problems: denial, being a big hypocryte, and steryotyping.
yeah. she just... i don't even know where to begin.
you know, when i left natomas middle, i was so happy. one: because i was finally going to be united again with my bff. two: because i was going to go further with my interests in performing art, and three? because i was getting away from you... yes YOU.
no matter what, you always have to be there to insult, critisize, or corect me, in a rude yet technical manner. i did nothing to you. NOTHING. and yet, you go everywhere i go and quote my every words as if im the evil villan here. oh yeah? shove it up your ass. i honestly don't care. i mean, no matter what, you're always there. like an annoying dog that never goes away. first, you sit there and yell at me at school, because everything i say is just oh so "stupid immature hypocrytical or steryotypical", and once i leave, you continue! i mean, you joined cb months ago, and never bothered to post until now. now yo're an addict, just like me, and you clain its because everything else is boring.
oh yeah. uh huh. sure. this is why... oh i dont even know. i mean, im NOT going to quit cb because of you, but i sure as hell am not going to let this get to me.
and one thing? you are very smart. very tricky. very good at making it look as if you did nothing wrong. so technically, its not bad that you joined cb because technically, you were just bored with everything else. and technically, you aren't a showoff because technically, they came p to you. technically, you did nothing wrong, but technically, you know you ant all the attention. yeah, admit it, you know you like attention. that whole "the part about me wanting attention was wrong" thing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. you know it was true, but technically you did nothing to prove it. so you make a good drawing, and technically, you didn't show it off, you just flipped throuigh your nmotebnook repeatidely until someone comes around and compliments it. and then you just say thanks as if you never wanted the attention in the first place.
i just dont get you. what you do. i don't get it. i mean- why me? why not some other attention wanting whore who goes to your school. its like... i dunno. you read all my myspace comments [and even made jenny read them. pathetic], and then you sit there and rant about how stupid they are. you read all my anga posts, all my cb postts, EVERYTHING. but technically, i cant blame you for anything, because technically i did this to you too. once. back in janruary. and you werent even sure.
and the last thing? i dont care. at first, i always cryed when you insulted me. i always got mad and went to bed, crying, or even a school, thinking "go away.. go away"
but now i get it. i get it all,. technically, you did nothing wrong, while you did eerything in the world wrong.
so go ahead and quote me. quote my every word about how wrong i am, and how stupid i am. go ahead and make copies for the whole school, make flyers, show everyone what a nut i am for getting this all out and ranting. but thats too bad because i hope you remember that- you do it just as much. but in a very fancy technical matter.
and its so sad that you make me look bad. "shes so immature. she always stomps away and gets mad" so when excactly did i do this? well definately not today =). today, you said someting, i didn't agree, and then i quoted it and told you how i felt. and then you did the same to me, and i failed to respond back bcause i was to pissed and tired to argue withyou. so where in that did i immaturely throw a fit and stomp away? no where. i didnt think so =)
now i dont care. i dont care what you have to say. i dont care if you think i am the most steryotypical stupid attention wanting whore in the world, because i know you are just as muich, and it all gets taken out on me. [well, technically not]. and now i get it. i get it all. i dont care anymore. so you think im wrong? well tats too bad. im sorry your brain feels that way about my op[inions.
now that you're addicted to cb and whatnot, i was mad. yeah, i got real mad. but now? now i don't care. so what. sp who cares if you make 3x as many posts as me and become one of the most loved members on cb. im just going to sit there, smile, and say "thats good for her. i am just so proud". who cares if you quote my every phrase and think its all wrong and stupid. im just going to say "good for you. i am so happy you have your own opinions" and if you send me a 67890 page rant through pm about how stupid you think i am, i am just going to skim through it, and smile and say "how nice that she feels that way"
and if you say the same for my diary entry? well i dont care, once again, because i got everything i wanted to say out, and now i feel a hell of alot better.
why? because now i go to a school where im with my bff of 3 years, everyone appriciates me and likes me for who i am, and im happy. thats the most important thing, that i am happy. i feel great. my life is good, and im not going to let your oh-so blunt, honest, ranting self ruin it for me.
im not going to complain any more. im not going to rant about how annoying you are to me. i got this out, and now i feel better. i feel way better. so yes, im goig to see you tonight at kristeens party. you know what im going to say? im going to say hi, and talk to you as normal as possible. im not sure if i still want to go now. but if i do, this is excactly what i'll say. ill keep it as normal as possible. and then, on monday, ill go back to school, back to brandi and all of my other charter friends and go on with my life. and if you act the same? well, ill just ignore it, and shrug it off. thats good for you. good that you feel that way. i am so proud of you =)
so im done. i feel alot better now. thank you =)
dear cb diary,
ok, i am done with this. im just so tired of it. her problems which she always takes out on me, her critisizing which is always on me, her corrections, which is always about what i say... everything. ok so technically, she didnt do anything wrong, but she knows all of this is true, she just wants to make me look bad as always.
you see, these are her problems: denial, being a big hypocryte, and steryotyping.
yeah. she just... i don't even know where to begin.
you know, when i left natomas middle, i was so happy. one: because i was finally going to be united again with my bff. two: because i was going to go further with my interests in performing art, and three? because i was getting away from you... yes YOU.
no matter what, you always have to be there to insult, critisize, or corect me, in a rude yet technical manner. i did nothing to you. NOTHING. and yet, you go everywhere i go and quote my every words as if im the evil villan here. oh yeah? shove it up your ass. i honestly don't care. i mean, no matter what, you're always there. like an annoying dog that never goes away. first, you sit there and yell at me at school, because everything i say is just oh so "stupid immature hypocrytical or steryotypical", and once i leave, you continue! i mean, you joined cb months ago, and never bothered to post until now. now yo're an addict, just like me, and you clain its because everything else is boring.
oh yeah. uh huh. sure. this is why... oh i dont even know. i mean, im NOT going to quit cb because of you, but i sure as hell am not going to let this get to me.
and one thing? you are very smart. very tricky. very good at making it look as if you did nothing wrong. so technically, its not bad that you joined cb because technically, you were just bored with everything else. and technically, you aren't a showoff because technically, they came p to you. technically, you did nothing wrong, but technically, you know you ant all the attention. yeah, admit it, you know you like attention. that whole "the part about me wanting attention was wrong" thing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. you know it was true, but technically you did nothing to prove it. so you make a good drawing, and technically, you didn't show it off, you just flipped throuigh your nmotebnook repeatidely until someone comes around and compliments it. and then you just say thanks as if you never wanted the attention in the first place.
i just dont get you. what you do. i don't get it. i mean- why me? why not some other attention wanting whore who goes to your school. its like... i dunno. you read all my myspace comments [and even made jenny read them. pathetic], and then you sit there and rant about how stupid they are. you read all my anga posts, all my cb postts, EVERYTHING. but technically, i cant blame you for anything, because technically i did this to you too. once. back in janruary. and you werent even sure.
and the last thing? i dont care. at first, i always cryed when you insulted me. i always got mad and went to bed, crying, or even a school, thinking "go away.. go away"
but now i get it. i get it all,. technically, you did nothing wrong, while you did eerything in the world wrong.
so go ahead and quote me. quote my every word about how wrong i am, and how stupid i am. go ahead and make copies for the whole school, make flyers, show everyone what a nut i am for getting this all out and ranting. but thats too bad because i hope you remember that- you do it just as much. but in a very fancy technical matter.
and its so sad that you make me look bad. "shes so immature. she always stomps away and gets mad" so when excactly did i do this? well definately not today =). today, you said someting, i didn't agree, and then i quoted it and told you how i felt. and then you did the same to me, and i failed to respond back bcause i was to pissed and tired to argue withyou. so where in that did i immaturely throw a fit and stomp away? no where. i didnt think so =)
now i dont care. i dont care what you have to say. i dont care if you think i am the most steryotypical stupid attention wanting whore in the world, because i know you are just as muich, and it all gets taken out on me. [well, technically not]. and now i get it. i get it all. i dont care anymore. so you think im wrong? well tats too bad. im sorry your brain feels that way about my op[inions.
now that you're addicted to cb and whatnot, i was mad. yeah, i got real mad. but now? now i don't care. so what. sp who cares if you make 3x as many posts as me and become one of the most loved members on cb. im just going to sit there, smile, and say "thats good for her. i am just so proud". who cares if you quote my every phrase and think its all wrong and stupid. im just going to say "good for you. i am so happy you have your own opinions" and if you send me a 67890 page rant through pm about how stupid you think i am, i am just going to skim through it, and smile and say "how nice that she feels that way"
and if you say the same for my diary entry? well i dont care, once again, because i got everything i wanted to say out, and now i feel a hell of alot better.
why? because now i go to a school where im with my bff of 3 years, everyone appriciates me and likes me for who i am, and im happy. thats the most important thing, that i am happy. i feel great. my life is good, and im not going to let your oh-so blunt, honest, ranting self ruin it for me.
im not going to complain any more. im not going to rant about how annoying you are to me. i got this out, and now i feel better. i feel way better. so yes, im goig to see you tonight at kristeens party. you know what im going to say? im going to say hi, and talk to you as normal as possible. im not sure if i still want to go now. but if i do, this is excactly what i'll say. ill keep it as normal as possible. and then, on monday, ill go back to school, back to brandi and all of my other charter friends and go on with my life. and if you act the same? well, ill just ignore it, and shrug it off. thats good for you. good that you feel that way. i am so proud of you =)
so im done. i feel alot better now. thank you =)
dear cb diary,
well tonight was successful. yay.
i love him so much. i can honestly say that. i really, really can. he makes me so unbelievably happy, and even though he's involuntarily hurt me - its okay now because i told him and things worked out fine.
yay for me being able to drive too.
but anyways. its not only the physical attraction thats there, but everything else. his personality is amazing and we have so much in common. i love just talking to him, seeing him, spending time with him, whatever. i really, really do.
everything he says to me is so sweet, kind, and i know he's telling me the truth. i just know he's sincere somehow. i trust him with everything that i am. really.
i love how he asks if theres anything at all i want, or that he can do for me, and so on, but yet i never want to tell him. its weird. i want him to figure it out on his own or just surprise me. it shows more incentive and i love surprises. especially from him. but at the same time, i want to tell him all of my little cliche, corny daydreams but...i don't want to seem needy. i don't need any of that for me to love him any more but they are fun. he truly cares for me though and just wants me happy and that really tells me he loves me. i actually believe him...i usually am so insecure when it comes to this kinda thing and doubtful but...i believe him.
i don't know where i'd be right now without him. i honestly don't. he's done so much for me and my life even just as a friend in the past. everything he says to me means so very, very much. i wonder if he realizes that. it still makes me so extremely giddy and happy to hear him say those three little words to me too.
i just love laying in his arms, kissing his lips, his cheek, whatever...just holding him and him holding me.
and since i doubt anyone i know will really read this, i might as well keep spilling - it makes me feel better for some reason.
he's always made me happy. he's made me happier than i ever have been. i know i've said "i love you" before but...when i think about it, it didn't seem to actually be "love". this is. i know it. i know i sound like the many teenagers who claim to be in love but i know i am, and i don't care what whomever else thinks, so there.
i love him, i love him, i love him.
i sound so...lovesick. buuut...thats okay. i'm happy and you know what? i love that feeling.
well tonight was successful. yay.
i love him so much. i can honestly say that. i really, really can. he makes me so unbelievably happy, and even though he's involuntarily hurt me - its okay now because i told him and things worked out fine. yay for me being able to drive too.
but anyways. its not only the physical attraction thats there, but everything else. his personality is amazing and we have so much in common. i love just talking to him, seeing him, spending time with him, whatever. i really, really do. everything he says to me is so sweet, kind, and i know he's telling me the truth. i just know he's sincere somehow. i trust him with everything that i am. really.
i love how he asks if theres anything at all i want, or that he can do for me, and so on, but yet i never want to tell him. its weird. i want him to figure it out on his own or just surprise me. it shows more incentive and i love surprises. especially from him. but at the same time, i want to tell him all of my little cliche, corny daydreams but...i don't want to seem needy. i don't need any of that for me to love him any more but they are fun. he truly cares for me though and just wants me happy and that really tells me he loves me. i actually believe him...i usually am so insecure when it comes to this kinda thing and doubtful but...i believe him.
i don't know where i'd be right now without him. i honestly don't. he's done so much for me and my life even just as a friend in the past. everything he says to me means so very, very much. i wonder if he realizes that. it still makes me so extremely giddy and happy to hear him say those three little words to me too.
i just love laying in his arms, kissing his lips, his cheek, whatever...just holding him and him holding me.
and since i doubt anyone i know will really read this, i might as well keep spilling - it makes me feel better for some reason.
he's always made me happy. he's made me happier than i ever have been. i know i've said "i love you" before but...when i think about it, it didn't seem to actually be "love". this is. i know it. i know i sound like the many teenagers who claim to be in love but i know i am, and i don't care what whomever else thinks, so there.
i love him, i love him, i love him.
i sound so...lovesick. buuut...thats okay.
i'm happy and you know what? i love that feeling.
Dear cB Diary,
Wow. Toby, Cheryl, and I are getting a life. At least I think so. Well, for sure, I know I am. I'm really using the computer less often.
My sister is drinking more than usual. I'm worried. She is almost done with that damn bottle of vodka.
Wow. Toby, Cheryl, and I are getting a life. At least I think so. Well, for sure, I know I am. I'm really using the computer less often.
My sister is drinking more than usual. I'm worried. She is almost done with that damn bottle of vodka.
Love,
Kelly
Kelly
Dear cB,
I've had a really rough week. Every week seems to be getting tougher and tougher but somehow, I'm getting through it.
Last Sunday, I had another episode. I collapsed at home after I got out of the shower at about 11 PM. I was brought by ambulance to the ER for the ninth time since the beginning of July. This crap is really getting old and, even though they've figured out part of the reason why this is happening, it's not stopping. I just want to normal and healthy. I know I took things for granted before but I realize now how much I value the simple things in life. I've learned my lesson, so can I just get better now? Please?
Wednesday, I had an appointment with my cardiologist. He increased the dosage of my heart medicine to see if that helps but he doesn't have a good feeling it will. He says that if this doesn't work, I may have to get a pacemaker. I'm only 18 and I'm way too young to get a pacemaker. The nurse at the cardiologist's office told me I was really young to be in there...thanks for stating the obvious, lady, and making me feel better. =\ This medicine better work.
On Friday, I found out that my mom got demoted....sort of. She took over for her boss when she left and my mom was in her posistion until they hired somebody else. My mom was up for the job too and everybody thought she would get it since she was doing such a great job. She found out she didn't get it so now she has to go back to her old posistion but my mom wants to quit and find a new job.
Today, I found out that I might be moving to Baltimore. All my extended family is back east (we're in Chicago right now) and my mom says that if she wants to move back to Baltimore any time soon, she has to do it now when she's between jobs so she can find a job out there. It's the middle of my senior year and it's just not fair >=[ But my mom says it's still a "maybe" and not a sure thing yet.
::sigh:: that felt good to get it all out. I think I'll try to sleep now.
<3 Hilary
I've had a really rough week. Every week seems to be getting tougher and tougher but somehow, I'm getting through it.
Last Sunday, I had another episode. I collapsed at home after I got out of the shower at about 11 PM. I was brought by ambulance to the ER for the ninth time since the beginning of July. This crap is really getting old and, even though they've figured out part of the reason why this is happening, it's not stopping. I just want to normal and healthy. I know I took things for granted before but I realize now how much I value the simple things in life. I've learned my lesson, so can I just get better now? Please?
Wednesday, I had an appointment with my cardiologist. He increased the dosage of my heart medicine to see if that helps but he doesn't have a good feeling it will. He says that if this doesn't work, I may have to get a pacemaker. I'm only 18 and I'm way too young to get a pacemaker. The nurse at the cardiologist's office told me I was really young to be in there...thanks for stating the obvious, lady, and making me feel better. =\ This medicine better work.
On Friday, I found out that my mom got demoted....sort of. She took over for her boss when she left and my mom was in her posistion until they hired somebody else. My mom was up for the job too and everybody thought she would get it since she was doing such a great job. She found out she didn't get it so now she has to go back to her old posistion but my mom wants to quit and find a new job.
Today, I found out that I might be moving to Baltimore. All my extended family is back east (we're in Chicago right now) and my mom says that if she wants to move back to Baltimore any time soon, she has to do it now when she's between jobs so she can find a job out there. It's the middle of my senior year and it's just not fair >=[ But my mom says it's still a "maybe" and not a sure thing yet.
::sigh:: that felt good to get it all out. I think I'll try to sleep now.
<3 Hilary
I have to let this all out before I hurt someone..
dear cB diary..
I want to scream and scream till I faint..Everything was going well this week until today..Why can't I ever have a good week? Why does someone or something have to hurt me?Is it my fault that mom helped me? Is it?WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR GOD DAMN PROBLEM??WHAT THE H***??!!I NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG..ALL MOM DID WAS HELP!AND DON'T GIVE ME SH** ABOUT THINGS BEING FAIR..WAS IT FAIR WHEN HE FCUKEN LIED FOR 3 YEARS?!WAS IT FAIR?NO IT FCUKEN WASN'T..WHAT DID YOU DO TO REPLACE THE 3 YEARS?YOU DID NOTHING.I LOST MY CHILDHOOD AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT.SO DON'T GIVE ME SH*T ABOUT IF LIFE IS FAIR OR NOT..YOU'RE NEVER HOME SO WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS??!!HUH??!!!WHAT DO YOU KNOW?YOU KNOW NOTHING.NOT EVEN HOW HE FCUKEN HURTS ME..I DONT WANT TO HEAR S*** FROM YOU.Don't think I'm going to let this go easily..I'm not the kind of person that will let this go easily, especially after what you did and said..Someone will suffer a lot because of this..Maybe me, maybe you, maybe him, maybe mom..Who knows?I'm still really pissed about what happened..Don't think my mood will be getting better in the morning..Because it won't be..And mom, explain this to me..Why is it that I have to be the one that does it all?YOU were the one that did my place, so YOU should being doing his place..I shouldn't be doing the whole thing..If I could walk out the house right now and go for a walk, I would have probably ran/walked at least 2 miles..Seriously, I have so much anger inside me I could run far..Haven't felt like this for a while..It took every ounce of self control NOT to crack or break the glass while wiping it dry..I can't wait to school..Or even better, I can't wait till SF..Hopefully, I calm down by then..If not, I'll likely end up in the counselor's or vice-principals office..I wonder how Chaze knew I was sad..Somehow he could tell I was sad and I only met him like a while ago..He's opposite of my brother..He's always nice and polite and funny..I wonder if he has a girlfriend..Lol..(I am not laughing..)Sigh..
The parade was fun..Met new people..Got a Happy Meal..Sadly, the effect of the Happy Meal didn't last forever..It would have been nice if it did last..
I guess I should stop, since I ranted so much..
Laters..
--Nancy--
dear cB diary..
I want to scream and scream till I faint..Everything was going well this week until today..Why can't I ever have a good week? Why does someone or something have to hurt me?Is it my fault that mom helped me? Is it?WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR GOD DAMN PROBLEM??WHAT THE H***??!!I NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG..ALL MOM DID WAS HELP!AND DON'T GIVE ME SH** ABOUT THINGS BEING FAIR..WAS IT FAIR WHEN HE FCUKEN LIED FOR 3 YEARS?!WAS IT FAIR?NO IT FCUKEN WASN'T..WHAT DID YOU DO TO REPLACE THE 3 YEARS?YOU DID NOTHING.I LOST MY CHILDHOOD AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS IMPORTANT.SO DON'T GIVE ME SH*T ABOUT IF LIFE IS FAIR OR NOT..YOU'RE NEVER HOME SO WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS??!!HUH??!!!WHAT DO YOU KNOW?YOU KNOW NOTHING.NOT EVEN HOW HE FCUKEN HURTS ME..I DONT WANT TO HEAR S*** FROM YOU.Don't think I'm going to let this go easily..I'm not the kind of person that will let this go easily, especially after what you did and said..Someone will suffer a lot because of this..Maybe me, maybe you, maybe him, maybe mom..Who knows?I'm still really pissed about what happened..Don't think my mood will be getting better in the morning..Because it won't be..And mom, explain this to me..Why is it that I have to be the one that does it all?YOU were the one that did my place, so YOU should being doing his place..I shouldn't be doing the whole thing..If I could walk out the house right now and go for a walk, I would have probably ran/walked at least 2 miles..Seriously, I have so much anger inside me I could run far..Haven't felt like this for a while..It took every ounce of self control NOT to crack or break the glass while wiping it dry..I can't wait to school..Or even better, I can't wait till SF..Hopefully, I calm down by then..If not, I'll likely end up in the counselor's or vice-principals office..I wonder how Chaze knew I was sad..Somehow he could tell I was sad and I only met him like a while ago..He's opposite of my brother..He's always nice and polite and funny..I wonder if he has a girlfriend..Lol..(I am not laughing..)Sigh..
The parade was fun..Met new people..Got a Happy Meal..Sadly, the effect of the Happy Meal didn't last forever..It would have been nice if it did last..
I guess I should stop, since I ranted so much..
Laters..
--Nancy--
Dear CB diary:
Wow, this year is SO different. I feel like I actually have a life. But I've noticed that my interest in school has faded a bit. But I'm really trying to get more involved.. such as getting into clubs and things. I know I promised everyone I'd move back to california whenever possible, but as weird as it sounds, I find myself sort of liking it here. I mean, honestly, how many people will remember me? If I go there, there's no coming back. It will be the last time we make this across country move. Should I stay where I'm at least a little content? Over the summer while I was there, I was doing so much that could've got me into trouble. Do I really need those kind of influences on myself at the most crucial years of my life? I have high expectations for my future, but my only fear is that I'll start to make the wrong decisions. My friends influence me soo much; I'm scared that one day I'll end up doing something that will mess me up. But I still have a year to think about things.
Other than that, I'm doing okay I guess. I'm really mad that she just dumps me for her "new" friends like nothing. I mean.. we've known each other for almost 10 years! does she not realize that? She's tried to make small talk with me lately like nothing, but I give her the same respect she gives to me. which is very little. I'm tired of hearing about her all the time. Becaue nobody knows her like I do. She's not who she really is around some people. Ugh I know my mom's got a day of cleaning ahead. Maybe I can escape before I'm filled in on it. I know I'll hear about it later, but it seems like no matter what I do, she always sees something bad in it. I really just want to go to Barnes & Noble and just relax. But I have geometry hw. Oh well.
Wow, this year is SO different. I feel like I actually have a life. But I've noticed that my interest in school has faded a bit. But I'm really trying to get more involved.. such as getting into clubs and things. I know I promised everyone I'd move back to california whenever possible, but as weird as it sounds, I find myself sort of liking it here. I mean, honestly, how many people will remember me? If I go there, there's no coming back. It will be the last time we make this across country move. Should I stay where I'm at least a little content? Over the summer while I was there, I was doing so much that could've got me into trouble. Do I really need those kind of influences on myself at the most crucial years of my life? I have high expectations for my future, but my only fear is that I'll start to make the wrong decisions. My friends influence me soo much; I'm scared that one day I'll end up doing something that will mess me up. But I still have a year to think about things.
Other than that, I'm doing okay I guess. I'm really mad that she just dumps me for her "new" friends like nothing. I mean.. we've known each other for almost 10 years! does she not realize that? She's tried to make small talk with me lately like nothing, but I give her the same respect she gives to me. which is very little. I'm tired of hearing about her all the time. Becaue nobody knows her like I do. She's not who she really is around some people. Ugh I know my mom's got a day of cleaning ahead. Maybe I can escape before I'm filled in on it. I know I'll hear about it later, but it seems like no matter what I do, she always sees something bad in it. I really just want to go to Barnes & Noble and just relax. But I have geometry hw. Oh well.
Dear cB,
Life's no fair. My dad is cutting off my computer time so i will have no time to get on cb or do anything else online. He's expecting a lot of me, all of a sudden he tells me i need straight A's. Great, if i don't make it, then he's gonna screw me over. Also i can't concentrate well in school because i keep thinking of someone
Hm, that's about it. Later.
Life's no fair. My dad is cutting off my computer time so i will have no time to get on cb or do anything else online. He's expecting a lot of me, all of a sudden he tells me i need straight A's. Great, if i don't make it, then he's gonna screw me over. Also i can't concentrate well in school because i keep thinking of someone
Hm, that's about it. Later.
dear cb diary,
im about to have a nervous breakdown. im just taking on too many obligations. i never sleep....im just exhausted. i almost fell asleep driving! i joined the school musical, and the rehearsal schedule is insane. im not getting home this week till 9 and 10. and i just got an E-flat clarinet, so that i have to not only learn the 1st clarinet part, but also the E-flat, and still practice my musical stuff.
my migraines are getting worse, my caffeine addictions basically the worst its ever been, and because of that, i still dont sleep. i just need a break.
junior year is hell on earth.
im about to have a nervous breakdown. im just taking on too many obligations. i never sleep....im just exhausted. i almost fell asleep driving! i joined the school musical, and the rehearsal schedule is insane. im not getting home this week till 9 and 10. and i just got an E-flat clarinet, so that i have to not only learn the 1st clarinet part, but also the E-flat, and still practice my musical stuff.
my migraines are getting worse, my caffeine addictions basically the worst its ever been, and because of that, i still dont sleep. i just need a break.
junior year is hell on earth.
dear cb diary,
i wish i were more myself in english
class. i like the teacher and the
discussions and all, but it's so strange
and awkward knowing that he's in
the same class. i wish someone
would sit with me so i wouldn't be so
pathetic.
i wish i were more myself in english
class. i like the teacher and the
discussions and all, but it's so strange
and awkward knowing that he's in
the same class. i wish someone
would sit with me so i wouldn't be so
pathetic.
dear cb diary,
hm..i dunno what to say. i feel better that i got that all out. im sure shes going to have even more waiting for me sooner or later... but im probably not going to read it all anyway. i dunno.. it just..er.. i just wanted to get away from it all and leave. i wanted to leave her one last letter aand get it all out, and leave. but she's still here. and she always has more to say.
so i give up. i give the f**k up. you win. you won the fight. sure, go ahead, i have problems, i am a loser who wants attention. i have mentioned this about a gazilloin times, but im sure you're going to tell me this again. i dnt care what you say..i just.. ergh..
my mood always changes around you. first i was happy, then sad, then mad, and now im just out of it. too tired to argue. i am just done with it. i wish there was an end button to this all. i could press it, and there would be no more ranting, 'secret diary entries', or any of this shit. i just want to get the last word, or let her know once and for all, and then leave. but she always has something else to day. something more. something better.
and i just cant help but get angry and sad once again, and cry, and respond. AGAIN. and... no matter what i say, she always... just... i dont know...
so fine. whatever you say is true. you hate attention, you hate all of this stuff. i am the frickin idiot who loves attention, and you are the one who ... dosen't. there, now i said it, you dont have to repeat it.
i give up. its over. ok, fine. go ahead and make another response, diary entry, or whatever, and ......... just... whatever. because i know that you want the last word just as much as any of us [being me].
well, this diary entry was shorter, and i feel much calmer, so.. i guess thats cool. ill let you be the last to respond,rant, or whatever you call it. i might read it, depending on how sad i feel that day/hour/minute. ok, im done *calm half smile*
hm..i dunno what to say. i feel better that i got that all out. im sure shes going to have even more waiting for me sooner or later... but im probably not going to read it all anyway. i dunno.. it just..er.. i just wanted to get away from it all and leave. i wanted to leave her one last letter aand get it all out, and leave. but she's still here. and she always has more to say.
so i give up. i give the f**k up. you win. you won the fight. sure, go ahead, i have problems, i am a loser who wants attention. i have mentioned this about a gazilloin times, but im sure you're going to tell me this again. i dnt care what you say..i just.. ergh..
my mood always changes around you. first i was happy, then sad, then mad, and now im just out of it. too tired to argue. i am just done with it. i wish there was an end button to this all. i could press it, and there would be no more ranting, 'secret diary entries', or any of this shit. i just want to get the last word, or let her know once and for all, and then leave. but she always has something else to day. something more. something better.
and i just cant help but get angry and sad once again, and cry, and respond. AGAIN. and... no matter what i say, she always... just... i dont know...
so fine. whatever you say is true. you hate attention, you hate all of this stuff. i am the frickin idiot who loves attention, and you are the one who ... dosen't. there, now i said it, you dont have to repeat it.
i give up. its over. ok, fine. go ahead and make another response, diary entry, or whatever, and ......... just... whatever. because i know that you want the last word just as much as any of us [being me].
well, this diary entry was shorter, and i feel much calmer, so.. i guess thats cool. ill let you be the last to respond,rant, or whatever you call it. i might read it, depending on how sad i feel that day/hour/minute. ok, im done *calm half smile*
Dear cB Diary,
I can't stop crying. I'm in such a shitty mood right now. Nothing is going right. Nothing. Things are always hard for me and now they're so much more hard. And so complicated. I'm crying for so many different reasons. School is always one. I'm always frustrated, stressed out, pressured, tired, busy, whatever else because of school. And no matter what I do I always seem to fail at it. I always seem to fall short. I can never succeed. It's only been about a month of school and already I'm failing a class. Pathetic much? College is coming. I have to apply. That's actually not that big of a worry for me. I'm almost positive I can get into UNC. I wish I could go somewhere else but I'm not capable of that. This is the best I can get; not that it's bad. I'm just saying that I've always thought I would move away to another state and make it independently in some fabulous place like New York where I would study and meet new people. Oh well. Another dream crushed. Not only am I crying about school but I'm crying about Phillip. I love him. I don't know how many times I can say that or what I can do to show that, but I love him. And right now I miss him a lot. I need to be with him. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. I need to hear his voice. I need to see his smile. And I can't. What makes this worse is he's going through so much right now and he's hurting so bad and there's nothing I can do. All I can do is sit here and cry. He won't even talk to me right now because he's hurting so much. I feel so helpless and I hate this feeling. I hate knowing that someone I love is hurting and to know I can't do anything to make it better basically sucks. I don't know where this relationship is going. He's in so much trouble that we can't even really talk to each other. I haven't seen him in weeks. I miss holding him. I miss laughing with him. I miss kissing him. I miss holding his hand. I miss looking at him. I miss hearing him say he loves me. He's so close yet so far away. He even told me yesterday that he doesn't think he can ever see me again. Sure it might be an exaggeration but just to hear that hurts. And I'm also crying about Seho. How could he die? How could they have shot him? He didn't do anything. He was innocent. He was such a great guy and he just died like that. It's not fair. I know he's in heaven but it's causing everyone so much pain. I also know for a fact that his family isn't just gonna let up on it. They aren't just gonna sit back and let it slide. I know that especially the guys in the family are gonna go out there and start drama and make something happen. I know it. And the scary thing is that if they do that, it could happen to them too. And something even scarier is that I'm pretty sure Phillip is gonna get invovled. And not only that but I know people on both sides. I know the people that started the shit and shot him and I know the people who got hurt because of it. Not only am I crying about this but I'm crying because of friends. I always get left out, I always get used, I always get backstabbed, this and that always happens to me. Now with Dicle. What is the deal with this girl? I don't like her. But suddenly it's like she's trying to be friends with me again. Complimenting me, hugging me, inviting me places. I mean what's her deal? She talked all this shit about him, backstabbed me several times, and now wants to be my friend again? The last time she tried to be my friend again I trusted her and guess what happened? I got backstabbed again. I don't want to have to deal with that shit again. But it's more complicated than just being friends with her or not. If I'm not, well I'll come off as this big bitch. Why? Because everyone can see that she's trying to be nice to me so if I just like reject this then I'm the "bad" one. But if I do befriend her then there's always that chance that she's just being twofaced and still talking shit and that she'll backstab me. I mean she's done it several times already so what's stopping her from doing it again? I'm also crying because of family. I just can't deal with it anymore. I can't deal with them. I can never please them. Everything I do is wrong. Everything. I'm always at fault. I always get yelled at. I'm always getting blame. It just sucks. I'm also crying because I need a job. Seriously, I need a job. I don't just want one, just to have cash. I need one. I need to have money. My parents aren't exactly rich right now and can't give me money and I need to have some. I need to also save for my New York trip and for college. Both of which my parents constantly remind me of. Yet I keep applying and never get asked for an interview, never get hired, nothing. I'm f**king tired of always f**king trying for every f**king thing and not succeeding. I'm f**king tired of trying in school, I'm f**king tired of trying to make this relationship work, I'm f**king tired of being there for everyone while no one is there for me, I'm f**king tired of two faced bitches and their drama, I'm f**king tired of being caught in the middle, I'm f**king tired of getting blamed, I'm f**king tired of never doing anything right, I'm f**king tired of getting denied of a job, I'm just f**king tired. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. I can never feel well rested. Everytime I wake up I feel as if I just fell asleep. Everytime I do one thing I have a million other things lined up to do. Everytime I solve one of my life problems another problem arises. I'm so f**king tired of it all. Why can't things just go right? Why can't I just be happy? Why does it have to come attached with all of this f**king crap. I can never just be happy, just be content, just be satisfied. Never. Something always has to happen and bring me down and cause problems. I'm so f**king tired.
-Me.
I can't stop crying. I'm in such a shitty mood right now. Nothing is going right. Nothing. Things are always hard for me and now they're so much more hard. And so complicated. I'm crying for so many different reasons. School is always one. I'm always frustrated, stressed out, pressured, tired, busy, whatever else because of school. And no matter what I do I always seem to fail at it. I always seem to fall short. I can never succeed. It's only been about a month of school and already I'm failing a class. Pathetic much? College is coming. I have to apply. That's actually not that big of a worry for me. I'm almost positive I can get into UNC. I wish I could go somewhere else but I'm not capable of that. This is the best I can get; not that it's bad. I'm just saying that I've always thought I would move away to another state and make it independently in some fabulous place like New York where I would study and meet new people. Oh well. Another dream crushed. Not only am I crying about school but I'm crying about Phillip. I love him. I don't know how many times I can say that or what I can do to show that, but I love him. And right now I miss him a lot. I need to be with him. I need to see him. I need to talk to him. I need to hear his voice. I need to see his smile. And I can't. What makes this worse is he's going through so much right now and he's hurting so bad and there's nothing I can do. All I can do is sit here and cry. He won't even talk to me right now because he's hurting so much. I feel so helpless and I hate this feeling. I hate knowing that someone I love is hurting and to know I can't do anything to make it better basically sucks. I don't know where this relationship is going. He's in so much trouble that we can't even really talk to each other. I haven't seen him in weeks. I miss holding him. I miss laughing with him. I miss kissing him. I miss holding his hand. I miss looking at him. I miss hearing him say he loves me. He's so close yet so far away. He even told me yesterday that he doesn't think he can ever see me again. Sure it might be an exaggeration but just to hear that hurts. And I'm also crying about Seho. How could he die? How could they have shot him? He didn't do anything. He was innocent. He was such a great guy and he just died like that. It's not fair. I know he's in heaven but it's causing everyone so much pain. I also know for a fact that his family isn't just gonna let up on it. They aren't just gonna sit back and let it slide. I know that especially the guys in the family are gonna go out there and start drama and make something happen. I know it. And the scary thing is that if they do that, it could happen to them too. And something even scarier is that I'm pretty sure Phillip is gonna get invovled. And not only that but I know people on both sides. I know the people that started the shit and shot him and I know the people who got hurt because of it. Not only am I crying about this but I'm crying because of friends. I always get left out, I always get used, I always get backstabbed, this and that always happens to me. Now with Dicle. What is the deal with this girl? I don't like her. But suddenly it's like she's trying to be friends with me again. Complimenting me, hugging me, inviting me places. I mean what's her deal? She talked all this shit about him, backstabbed me several times, and now wants to be my friend again? The last time she tried to be my friend again I trusted her and guess what happened? I got backstabbed again. I don't want to have to deal with that shit again. But it's more complicated than just being friends with her or not. If I'm not, well I'll come off as this big bitch. Why? Because everyone can see that she's trying to be nice to me so if I just like reject this then I'm the "bad" one. But if I do befriend her then there's always that chance that she's just being twofaced and still talking shit and that she'll backstab me. I mean she's done it several times already so what's stopping her from doing it again? I'm also crying because of family. I just can't deal with it anymore. I can't deal with them. I can never please them. Everything I do is wrong. Everything. I'm always at fault. I always get yelled at. I'm always getting blame. It just sucks. I'm also crying because I need a job. Seriously, I need a job. I don't just want one, just to have cash. I need one. I need to have money. My parents aren't exactly rich right now and can't give me money and I need to have some. I need to also save for my New York trip and for college. Both of which my parents constantly remind me of. Yet I keep applying and never get asked for an interview, never get hired, nothing. I'm f**king tired of always f**king trying for every f**king thing and not succeeding. I'm f**king tired of trying in school, I'm f**king tired of trying to make this relationship work, I'm f**king tired of being there for everyone while no one is there for me, I'm f**king tired of two faced bitches and their drama, I'm f**king tired of being caught in the middle, I'm f**king tired of getting blamed, I'm f**king tired of never doing anything right, I'm f**king tired of getting denied of a job, I'm just f**king tired. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. I can never feel well rested. Everytime I wake up I feel as if I just fell asleep. Everytime I do one thing I have a million other things lined up to do. Everytime I solve one of my life problems another problem arises. I'm so f**king tired of it all. Why can't things just go right? Why can't I just be happy? Why does it have to come attached with all of this f**king crap. I can never just be happy, just be content, just be satisfied. Never. Something always has to happen and bring me down and cause problems. I'm so f**king tired.
-Me.
Dear createBlog Diary,
Today started out fun. I had a great time at the mall. =] I haven't gone out in ages. I hate the fact that my friends live so far away. Damn the private school system. Well actually it's not their fault. Eh. Let's not go into detail about that. We took so many wacky pictures at Spirit. Ahaha. It was wonderful. =) After Jessica left, though, I started getting really tired, and everything got boring.
I knew I didn't get enough sleep last night. Anyway, so I came back home, and I wanted to sleep, but then I got online and all of a sudden became wide awake. =\
f**k. School is tomorrow.
-Cheryl
Today started out fun. I had a great time at the mall. =] I haven't gone out in ages. I hate the fact that my friends live so far away. Damn the private school system. Well actually it's not their fault. Eh. Let's not go into detail about that. We took so many wacky pictures at Spirit. Ahaha. It was wonderful. =) After Jessica left, though, I started getting really tired, and everything got boring.
I knew I didn't get enough sleep last night. Anyway, so I came back home, and I wanted to sleep, but then I got online and all of a sudden became wide awake. =\f**k. School is tomorrow.
-Cheryl
Aw Christina, I love you so much and you know that I'm always here to talk and whatever.
Dear CB Diary,
So I can honestly say that I did have a fun time during homecoming week. I went all out and participated in all the days. Class day was fun because everyone looked great and my toga rocked =] I wish the senior skit would have gone well, but at least we got to dance in front of the school. Getting nails done with the girls and then having Chipotle made the day a little better. Losing the homecoming game as usual was fun..haha, just being there with friends was the fun part. Village Inn was fun, too. I wish the dance was better, because I almost started crying during the first slow dance, but all in all, it was okay, since dinner and bowling was fun. I just love dancing. I think some people were a little surprised.
But I was in a depressed mood when I came into work..I love how my co-workers actually care about how I'm doing. Even one of my bosses said that I was wavering and I wasn't my usual happy self. How right he is. So I forced a smile and forced myself to be happy when he came in. And he didn't see how much I was hurting and then I really did feel happy because he was there. I like him so much. I am trying not to, though. I'm starting to push him away, little by little. I don't think it will work, but I hope it does. I just don't like how I'm feeling now..I'm not a sad person. I am happy, excited, hopeful about everything, and this petty little thing has got me depressed and I hate it. I don't like being like this around my friends. I don't want them to feel pity for me. sighhhh, I'm tired now. I woke up at 6:26 am and I was for sure I was going to be late for french. But I got ready in 8 minutes and was the first one there. I was proud. haha, that's about it for now.
--Teesa
Dear CB Diary,
So I can honestly say that I did have a fun time during homecoming week. I went all out and participated in all the days. Class day was fun because everyone looked great and my toga rocked =] I wish the senior skit would have gone well, but at least we got to dance in front of the school. Getting nails done with the girls and then having Chipotle made the day a little better. Losing the homecoming game as usual was fun..haha, just being there with friends was the fun part. Village Inn was fun, too. I wish the dance was better, because I almost started crying during the first slow dance, but all in all, it was okay, since dinner and bowling was fun. I just love dancing. I think some people were a little surprised.
But I was in a depressed mood when I came into work..I love how my co-workers actually care about how I'm doing. Even one of my bosses said that I was wavering and I wasn't my usual happy self. How right he is. So I forced a smile and forced myself to be happy when he came in. And he didn't see how much I was hurting and then I really did feel happy because he was there. I like him so much. I am trying not to, though. I'm starting to push him away, little by little. I don't think it will work, but I hope it does. I just don't like how I'm feeling now..I'm not a sad person. I am happy, excited, hopeful about everything, and this petty little thing has got me depressed and I hate it. I don't like being like this around my friends. I don't want them to feel pity for me. sighhhh, I'm tired now. I woke up at 6:26 am and I was for sure I was going to be late for french. But I got ready in 8 minutes and was the first one there. I was proud. haha, that's about it for now.
--Teesa
Dear cB,
5000th post *woot*
5000th post *woot*
dear cb diary,
sigh. he makes me so happy, even when he doesn't even try.
anyways, enough about him (not in a bad way at all hehe) but i've just been in a weird mood...xanga and all that stuff doesn't interest me so much anymore...even createblog isn't addicted. i won't quit or anything but my ppd is slowly dropping...i guess i've just been so busy with school, dance, and so on. ahh. its been crazy.
school is still a weird reality for me. there's so much work to be done and i have to start applying for scholarships and so on...it still hasn't really set in i'm graduating this year either. its such a weird thought. like during the dance tryouts today that i led with kaitlyn and all the grade 8's were asking us questions...it was fun, but it felt so...different being the 'leaders'. i don't know. its just...so unreal.
i don't know. i feel so exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed but at the same time...i'm somehow happy.
sigh. he makes me so happy, even when he doesn't even try.
anyways, enough about him (not in a bad way at all hehe) but i've just been in a weird mood...xanga and all that stuff doesn't interest me so much anymore...even createblog isn't addicted. i won't quit or anything but my ppd is slowly dropping...i guess i've just been so busy with school, dance, and so on. ahh. its been crazy.
school is still a weird reality for me. there's so much work to be done and i have to start applying for scholarships and so on...it still hasn't really set in i'm graduating this year either. its such a weird thought. like during the dance tryouts today that i led with kaitlyn and all the grade 8's were asking us questions...it was fun, but it felt so...different being the 'leaders'. i don't know. its just...so unreal.
i don't know. i feel so exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed but at the same time...i'm somehow happy.
Dear cB Diary,
I truly hate hate people like him.
ohmygodwhatthehellroar.
I truly hate hate people like him.
ohmygodwhatthehellroar.
dear cB diary..
I. Don't. Know. What. I. Feel. Or. Think. About. Him.
Seriously, I don't..He feels more like a brother than a crush..But then again, I don't know what a real brother feels like..I am so confused..
SF is fun..Even though I was in pain, it was fun..I hope I can get stronger by the end of the year..I'm not going to quit..I think Russell thought I was going to quit..The only way to get me to quit is to kill me..Seriously..I'm so headstrong sometimes..
I hope I can go to the Military Ball..I really want to go..Well not really..I don't want to go alone, because I'm going to end up watching everyone dance while I sit and do nothing..I don't know what I should do..If I don't go, parents are going to think something is wrong..But if I do go, I'll be very bored..There are so many choices..
ROTC is so exciting..I think thats the only class I actually want to last longer..
Guess I should go..I've ran out of things to type..
---Nancy---
I. Don't. Know. What. I. Feel. Or. Think. About. Him.
Seriously, I don't..He feels more like a brother than a crush..But then again, I don't know what a real brother feels like..I am so confused..
SF is fun..Even though I was in pain, it was fun..I hope I can get stronger by the end of the year..I'm not going to quit..I think Russell thought I was going to quit..The only way to get me to quit is to kill me..Seriously..I'm so headstrong sometimes..
I hope I can go to the Military Ball..I really want to go..Well not really..I don't want to go alone, because I'm going to end up watching everyone dance while I sit and do nothing..I don't know what I should do..If I don't go, parents are going to think something is wrong..But if I do go, I'll be very bored..There are so many choices..
ROTC is so exciting..I think thats the only class I actually want to last longer..
Guess I should go..I've ran out of things to type..
---Nancy---
Dear Createblog Diary,
I've been overwhelmed with work from school and it's really starting to get to me.
It's only Tuesday. I want this week to be over.
My whole body is aching. The nerve in my ankle is messed up, my foot is still a little messed up, my arms is always somehow getting cramps, and my shoulder and back is just tired from sitting up all day.
I hateeeee this. I wish I could get some sleep, but no..
I have a project to do.
I've been overwhelmed with work from school and it's really starting to get to me.
It's only Tuesday. I want this week to be over.
My whole body is aching. The nerve in my ankle is messed up, my foot is still a little messed up, my arms is always somehow getting cramps, and my shoulder and back is just tired from sitting up all day.
I hateeeee this. I wish I could get some sleep, but no..
I have a project to do.
Dear cB diary,
I haven't wroten here in a long time.. neither went on cB for a long time but I'm trying to get back into it. School is tough. Especially when you lose like a million friends to a different school. I really miss my friends and I want to see them again. But some people just want to piss me off. Like okay, fine. If you don't want to see me again, fine. Stereotypes. And when one friend hates me, all of them start to. Isn't that pathetic. Geez. But whatever. Hopefully I still have friends who actually care about me.
Anyway, there's a really hot guy in one of my ex-classes? HAHA. He's so sweet but I think he's still lingering in this one girl so I doubt anything will work between us. I miss having a boyfriend.. and though people say that we don't need em, it's kinda like a missing space in my heart. I don't know. Call me wack but I really want that feeling again. That LOVE feeling.. hmph. Will I make tons of friends or just be a loner? I can't wait to find out because in all my classes, I feel so lonely.. I can't be myself around these people. I can't make jokes because it's just so.. lonely. I seriously miss 158. So much fun and so much memories there.. I want to backtrack and just stay there for a little more. I just feel.. the pefect word is lonely. I don' t think i can really describe it in any other way. I just want to see all my friends again and I keep thinking that if I transfer to Dozo, I could see them. But my honors wont go with me and OH MOM won't want that! So she says I can't. I really wanted to go to Dozo. Everyone's there. Tons tons tons of friends. And now here at Bayside.. everyone's so typical and just so.. prepped up. People here are not as social so if you mix them up with me, you get unsocial+unsocial=nothing. I keep telling myself "stop lingering in the past and just get on with life" but it's hard. Everyone tells me to stop but.. it's so hard to let go of the past. I can't deal with change; it takes time. I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with it. Tomorrow is once again school.. lonely school and gym+10 periods. Sigh. I hate school. But me ranting about wanting to go to Dozo won't make me go there, duh. I gtg finish hw.. and I want to do my zine. I'll be back sometime. Bye.
-Eileen-
I haven't wroten here in a long time.. neither went on cB for a long time but I'm trying to get back into it. School is tough. Especially when you lose like a million friends to a different school. I really miss my friends and I want to see them again. But some people just want to piss me off. Like okay, fine. If you don't want to see me again, fine. Stereotypes. And when one friend hates me, all of them start to. Isn't that pathetic. Geez. But whatever. Hopefully I still have friends who actually care about me.
Anyway, there's a really hot guy in one of my ex-classes? HAHA. He's so sweet but I think he's still lingering in this one girl so I doubt anything will work between us. I miss having a boyfriend.. and though people say that we don't need em, it's kinda like a missing space in my heart. I don't know. Call me wack but I really want that feeling again. That LOVE feeling.. hmph. Will I make tons of friends or just be a loner? I can't wait to find out because in all my classes, I feel so lonely.. I can't be myself around these people. I can't make jokes because it's just so.. lonely. I seriously miss 158. So much fun and so much memories there.. I want to backtrack and just stay there for a little more. I just feel.. the pefect word is lonely. I don' t think i can really describe it in any other way. I just want to see all my friends again and I keep thinking that if I transfer to Dozo, I could see them. But my honors wont go with me and OH MOM won't want that! So she says I can't. I really wanted to go to Dozo. Everyone's there. Tons tons tons of friends. And now here at Bayside.. everyone's so typical and just so.. prepped up. People here are not as social so if you mix them up with me, you get unsocial+unsocial=nothing. I keep telling myself "stop lingering in the past and just get on with life" but it's hard. Everyone tells me to stop but.. it's so hard to let go of the past. I can't deal with change; it takes time. I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with it. Tomorrow is once again school.. lonely school and gym+10 periods. Sigh. I hate school. But me ranting about wanting to go to Dozo won't make me go there, duh. I gtg finish hw.. and I want to do my zine. I'll be back sometime. Bye.
-Eileen-
QUOTE(mzkandi @ Sep 19 2005, 7:16 PM)
Dear cB,
5000th post *woot*
5000th post *woot*
happy 5,000th, kiera!
wungelunglung. i sungeeopolopoguse tung yungoguse chunged youngourung sungnumn tong lungbung rungigunghungtung afungtungerung i cung mungsungnung tung lungolingikungkung.. copyungcungatung!
...haha^ in a code. dont ask.
ok, well. i feel better now. anyways, today was fun. i went to brandis house before school and we walked together. meh, nothing fun. it was very hot. did schoolwork. ballett. today was indeed boring. chris and brandon are here [oh kill me now]..
my effing dad invited them over.
took more pictures yesterday. posted them on xanga/member photos.
...brandi is calling me now. im gonna go. bye
My mom is really starting to make me mad. Actually, she's really scaring me. Saturday night I got into a big fight with her and she hit me reallllly hard on my back. I have a bruise from it now. The next morning she talked to me when I woke up and things are better now. She grounded me from the computer for this week, though, because I was up until 1....on a Saturday. It was a Saturday, damnit, and I'm 18! She told me to go to bed at 12 and I stayed up until 1 so I "completely defied" her. Hmph. Yesterday I had another one of my fainting episodes, only it wasn't as bad. My mom didn't call the paramedics or anything but one of the times that I woke up after I had passed out she was slapping me in the face over and over again....HARD. I would start shaking really bad and start gasping for air and she would scream at me to stop holding my breath....even though I wasn't doing so. I don't know what to do anymore.
<3 Hilary
<3 Hilary
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