in the rain
drowning the pain away
saying goodbye to day
good day and goodnight i'll say
as i'm drifting away

... Boring. If you're going to make the last word rhyme throughout the entire poem, at least don't use the same word twice (away and away).

It's kinda corny...like a Dr. Seuss poem. Try to keep it balanced and also listen to the above ^ advice too.

I thought it was okay.