Log In · Register

 
2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
good rap i made up, no racism, not stupid, and not copied.
*Statistik*
post Apr 5 2005, 07:46 PM
Post #1





Guest






yo
your too wack to compete
your damn lyrics aint even complete
my rap game is neat
so go ahead and take a seat
watch my show
y'all gonna feel me when i feel da flow
dont make my minds blow
im here to bring hip-hop
bigger than fat joe
your spits are so slow
that make me say whoa
your not in my league, your way too below
your career is 100% trash
my raps are probably quicker than the runnin of steve nash
do i make my self clear?
dont make me get too high for you, queer
this is my year
some people hatin on me
cuz my raps include racism
and dont worry
this will be no more plagiarism
this is the end of all
go ahead sent this to yo friend
dont piss me off again or ill start a brawl
worse than the pacers and ron artest
i hope you dont get too stressed, god ill be blessed
 
*basick*
post Apr 5 2005, 07:48 PM
Post #2





Guest






that was horrible
basick as hell and just horrible.
try to say it out loud, it has no flow whatsoever.

that was f**king grade school poetry... lol... try multi sylabble rhyming...

like you said
"wack~to~compete"
back~to~ya~feet
slapped~with~the~heat
attack~and~you'll~see


etc... see how every syllabble rhymed with its corresponding sylabble?... that makes you rhymes more complex and flow better...
 
funbobby
post Apr 5 2005, 07:52 PM
Post #3


Go on, hug me, I dare you...
****

Group: Member
Posts: 297
Joined: Mar 2005
Member No: 116,809



Just cut the:
'dont piss me off again or ill start a brawl'
and its alright for a kid.
 
miszSERENiTY
post Apr 5 2005, 08:58 PM
Post #4


Take advantage of me.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 877
Joined: Aug 2004
Member No: 43,792



O-M-G.




You suck. And I`m not even saying that just because I don`t like oyou...you really do suck. That sounded like something someone would make up as a joke. I say you go back to stealing other peoples lyrics...you won`t sound as doo-doo dumb.
 
Baku
post Apr 5 2005, 09:00 PM
Post #5


baker o.O
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 438
Joined: Feb 2005
Member No: 97,190



omg you suck at life <3 you suck out loud you suck so hard ive seen a vacume pick up less dirt
 
JC4P
post Apr 5 2005, 09:52 PM
Post #6


Senior Member
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 911
Joined: Dec 2004
Member No: 68,057



jc4p says stop trying and just die. oh and you lied it was stupid
 
juliar
post Apr 5 2005, 09:55 PM
Post #7


3,565, you n00bs ain't got nothin' on me.
*******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 4,202
Joined: Feb 2004
Member No: 3,565



dude.

good rap?

anyway. sounds like a poem more than a rap. there's no flow whatsoever. maybe you should work on rhythm.
 
yummy_delight
post Apr 5 2005, 10:03 PM
Post #8


Lauren loves YOU.
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,442
Joined: Jul 2004
Member No: 32,793



as previously stated. NO FLOW.

i think it's terrible. too many similes/metaphors/allusions, not enough structure and your word choice isn't that intelligent. it looks like you're trying to be witty and make people go "OOOOOO HE GOT SUUUURVED!!!!" but it's just not working.

try writing some normal poetry first. then say it out loud. maybe then you'll get the idea that rhyming lines doesn't constitute work that flows easily.
 
HongKongDong
post Apr 5 2005, 10:04 PM
Post #9


Holla if ya hate me
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,348
Joined: Jan 2005
Member No: 80,819



Man I am damned serious... why do you even try?!?!
 
*wind&fire*
post Apr 5 2005, 10:13 PM
Post #10





Guest






i hate you jason.. you know that
 
JC4P
post Apr 5 2005, 10:31 PM
Post #11


Senior Member
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 911
Joined: Dec 2004
Member No: 68,057



its amazing. each one of histopics turns into a member bash topic. i love this place.
 
*wind&fire*
post Apr 5 2005, 10:37 PM
Post #12





Guest






^ no he insults people... its not my fault is i have prejiduce
 
jnukes
post Apr 5 2005, 11:05 PM
Post #13


Senior Member
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,199
Joined: Jul 2004
Member No: 34,045



who is this rap directed to ?

"you" ..... wth ?? .. who are you talking to ??
 
miszSERENiTY
post Apr 5 2005, 11:10 PM
Post #14


Take advantage of me.
*****

Group: Member
Posts: 877
Joined: Aug 2004
Member No: 43,792



^^Probably Basick haha...


I hate you too Jason. Go die.
 
*basick*
post Apr 5 2005, 11:24 PM
Post #15





Guest






QUOTE(miszSERENiTY @ Apr 5 2005, 8:10 PM)
^^Probably Basick haha...
I hate you too Jason. Go die.
*


this kid is really killing my self esteem .. i feel like pooh.gif sad.gif cause of his verbal assualts
 
*mzkandi*
post Apr 5 2005, 11:28 PM
Post #16





Guest






*sigh* ok that was bad. i think you need to take a class or something. an after school tutor maybe....
 
dispn0ygonekrazy
post Apr 5 2005, 11:31 PM
Post #17


*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*
******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 2,478
Joined: Sep 2004
Member No: 51,134



jason jason jason tsk tsk tsk wow lol u remind me of og loc in san andreas lol (just a thought)
 
*wind&fire*
post Apr 5 2005, 11:34 PM
Post #18





Guest






the only good thing is that you didnt copy it...
 
*nightmare4taki*
post Apr 5 2005, 11:34 PM
Post #19





Guest






QUOTE(Jason61992 @ Apr 5 2005, 6:46 PM)
dont make my minds blow
im here to bring hip-hop
bigger than fat joe

*

This line was okay
It was not his worst rap, but you still have a lot of work to do.

QUOTE(xxcrazyjewxx @ Mar 26 2005, 2:12 PM)
hopefully jason has the common sense not rap, no NOT TO POST ever again in CB

LOL, you were wrong.
 
jnukes
post Apr 6 2005, 12:04 AM
Post #20


Senior Member
******

Group: Member
Posts: 2,199
Joined: Jul 2004
Member No: 34,045



^i'll show you what line was okay


QUOTE
                 





umm .. yea .. none ..
 
KissMe2408
post Apr 6 2005, 03:04 AM
Post #21


Yawn
*******

Group: Staff Alumni
Posts: 9,315
Joined: Nov 2004
Member No: 65,772



you know what jason...i'm going to give you props because even tho everyone is hatin on you all the time on CB you still stick around and post up ur raps and all and express urself. It doesn't matter really how good you are at writing or whatever, it takes alot to express urself and to post it up so everyone can read and all, even tho you get trash on it. lol nice title too, "good rap i made up, not racist, not stupid, not copied" lol. yikes..here was the best part of ur rap,
"some people hatin on me
cuz my raps include racism
and dont worry
this will be no more plagiarism"

You shouldn't let people step on you so much here.
 
xquizit
post Apr 6 2005, 03:09 AM
Post #22


i put the art in retarded.
*******

Group: Official Designer
Posts: 7,702
Joined: Jan 2004
Member No: 797



wacko.gif wow, you're just as good as your idol, 50 cent. VERY elementary. but at least 50 could flow.
 
demolished
post Apr 6 2005, 03:32 AM
Post #23


Senior Member
*******

Group:
Posts: 7,790
Joined: Mar 2004
Member No: 8,001



Wow you must be one of cB's best rapper out there. HAHAHA.

The last part of the lyrics doesnt fit.
 
xTINAA
post Apr 6 2005, 03:38 AM
Post #24


hello : )
*******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 4,341
Joined: Apr 2004
Member No: 13,139



Man...people are just bashing on you. I wholeheartedly agree with everything KissMe2408 said. Anyways, a lot of it didn't make sense because it seemed like you focused more on making sure it rhymed than anything else. Like some of it doesn't agree, for example, when you said "make my minds blow". You have multiple minds? Maybe it was just a typo, who knows? And yeah, there is no flow whatsoever. It looks like you stuck random words and lines together and tried to make sure they rhymed. At least you didn't copy it this time.
 
dispn0ygonekrazy
post Apr 6 2005, 09:31 AM
Post #25


*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*
******

Group: Official Member
Posts: 2,478
Joined: Sep 2004
Member No: 51,134



QUOTE(KissMe2408 @ Apr 6 2005, 12:04 AM)
you know what jason...i'm going to give you props because even tho everyone is hatin on you all the time on CB you still stick around and post up ur raps and all and express urself. It doesn't matter really how good you are at writing or whatever, it takes alot to express urself and to post it up so everyone can read and all, even tho you get trash on it. lol nice title too, "good rap i made up, not racist, not stupid, not copied" lol. yikes..here was the best part of ur rap,
"some people hatin on me
cuz my raps include racism
and dont worry
this will be no more plagiarism"

You shouldn't let people step on you so much here.
*
 

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: