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Should I be concerned?
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 12:08 AM
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I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 months now and everything has been great so far. I have been spending weekends over at his place since. Well we had planned on me coming over this weekend as usual and he sends me a message that reads.

"Ok I don't want you to get mad but my friend Stephanie is going to stay at my house this weekend. I haven't gotten to see or hang out with her in over 2 months and this is the only way she can come here. Her boyfriend is dropping her off on his way to Fort Wayne and then coming back on Sunday. So she's staying the night. I wanted to tell you because I didn't want you to think I was hiding someone behind your back."

Okay, I'm I'm thinking, "Ooookay..." and I sent him a message back saying, "So you don't want me to come over this weekend?" and then his next message was, "Don't you have all next week off work?" and then I replied, "Yes." and then he said, "Well you could stay a few days through the week." I told him that was okay.

Okay so I haven't met this girl yet, but I have heard him talk about how they are friends and have been for a long time. I have been to her myspace and she does have a boyfriend who she seems really into, I convinced myself that it was fine and that I shouldn't be worried, but now I'm wondering. I asked 4 of my other friends about this and they all think it's suspicious that he wants to exclude me out of picture for when she's coming over. They said, "Well if they were just friends, he wouldn't have a problem with you coming over anyways."

So I sent him another message saying, "Would it be cool if I come over this weekend anyways and we could all hang out because next week seems too far away." and now i'm waiting for a response from him.

I just want to know what you all think. Sorry this is long.
 
*jeanna*
post Dec 5 2007, 12:10 AM
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nah. i wouldn't be too worried by the sounds of it.
it was smart for him to tell you before hand. if he was being sneaky and wanted to cheat, he would have never told you.
 
MissHygienic
post Dec 5 2007, 12:14 AM
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Okay, to me, you're being excessively paranoid and irrational and untrusting. What are you worried about, exactly? I'm not seeing the issue. He's taken by you and he even sent you a message telling you this; she's taken because her boyfriend will be dropping her off. What's wrong with lending a room to someone of the opposite sex for the weekend? He probably doesn't want you there to make her feel uncomfortable because she will be his guest.

Stop being paranoid and gain some trust. God.
 
misoshiru
post Dec 5 2007, 12:15 AM
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yeah. he would've just made up some other bullshit story instead. personally, if i were him, and that girl and i were really good friends, i wouldn't want you butting in even if i weren't going to cheat.
 
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 12:21 AM
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I see what you're all saying, but the other thing that concerns me is that, well I work 3 to 10 pm all weekend and I planned on just heading over there after work and that I would have to be back at work by 3 pm on the next day, so why would he exlude me when I would only be with him overnight in the first place?

And I wasn't worried about this until I came home from work tonight and a whole bunch of my friends are telling me I'm insane if I buy his story...
 
misoshiru
post Dec 5 2007, 12:22 AM
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QUOTE(MissHygienic @ Dec 5 2007, 01:14 PM) *
He probably doesn't want you there to make her feel uncomfortable because she will be his guest.

 
Elba
post Dec 5 2007, 12:29 AM
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f**k that. If that were my boyfriend I'm going to be there if some little skank is spending the night.
 
audory
post Dec 5 2007, 12:44 AM
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^agreed.
 
MissHygienic
post Dec 5 2007, 12:47 AM
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Jesus Christ. Maybe you all are suspicious and paranoid because your boyfriends want a damned break from his needy, untrusting girlfriends. Concerns like these are hardly warranted if he's messaged you this and told you the truth.
 
rnicron
post Dec 5 2007, 12:50 AM
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QUOTE(MissHygienic @ Dec 4 2007, 11:47 PM) *
Jesus Christ. Maybe you all are suspicious and paranoid because your boyfriends want a damned break from his needy, untrusting girlfriends. Concerns like these are hardly warranted if he's messaged you this and told you the truth.
YEAH! GOD ELBA!
 
Elba
post Dec 5 2007, 12:53 AM
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Shut up, Spencer. laugh.gif

This situation would never arise. My boyfriend knows better.
 
*jeanna*
post Dec 5 2007, 12:54 AM
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ohhh she's sleeping over? haha. then that changes things
 
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 12:55 AM
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Yeah the whole weekend, and they don't have a couch either....
 
Elba
post Dec 5 2007, 12:58 AM
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I'm sure you don't mind if she sleeps in his bed rolleyes.gif
 
*jeanna*
post Dec 5 2007, 12:59 AM
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QUOTE(Elba @ Dec 5 2007, 01:58 AM) *
I'm sure you don't mind if she sleeps in his bed rolleyes.gif

just friends with benefits.

i think she should stalk him and break into his house. i would do that.

haha jk....
 
rnicron
post Dec 5 2007, 12:59 AM
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I'm sure they'll have sex.

He'll then message you saying, "Hey, she slept on the couch that we don't have, so don't worry about A THING!"
 
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 01:00 AM
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If I had a guy friend come to stay with me at my house, he would NOT be sleeping in my bed with me. I do know that for sure, so no I think it would be inappropriate 100%.
 
MissHygienic
post Dec 5 2007, 01:01 AM
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Let's see: her boyfriend is the one dropping her off knowing that she's going to be staying at a guy's house, and you seem to be the only one out of the four people to have a problem with it. If he cheats on you like this, then why would you even want to be with him?
 
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 01:05 AM
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QUOTE(MissHygienic @ Dec 5 2007, 02:01 AM) *
Let's see: her boyfriend is the one dropping her off knowing that she's going to be staying at a guy's house, and you seem to be the only one out of the four people to have a problem with it. If he cheats on you like this, then why would you even want to be with him?



She could just as easily make up some story to her bf saying that I live with him and make him that I, his gf, would be there the whole time. Guys, as insecure as I may sound in these posts, I'm really not. I have been with plenty of guys who I could trust and did trust, and I have also been with guys who I trusted and they betrayed my trust. I'm not insecure and suspecting, but I'm also not a naive dumb girl standing in the dark to be cheated on over and over again.

Just as much as you can't be paranoid in a relationship, you also can't be too gullible. Anyone with experience in love life will tell you that.
 
MissHygienic
post Dec 5 2007, 01:07 AM
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Well, that's all you had to say.

Drive by his house at 2 AM to check if the lights are on and throw a boulder through his window. Bring a gun just in case.
 
Ashley_Brook
post Dec 5 2007, 01:16 AM
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Seriously, put yourself in my position. Your boyfriend is having a female friend that you don't know staying with him all weekend and asked you not to be there during the time she is there, even though you were only going to stay with him overnight. What would you be thinking?
 
Elba
post Dec 5 2007, 01:19 AM
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Not only that--you two had already agreed to spend the weekend together and he is changing the plans for the broad who wants to spend the night with him. Big no-no.
 
rnicron
post Dec 5 2007, 01:23 AM
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You're giving this a lot of thought.

Main points:
No, it's not ok.

I think that's it.
 
Flaunted
post Dec 5 2007, 01:30 AM
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Don't stay over but STOP BY.
You can check up with them and say hello or something,
Meet the girl! Get to introduce yourself while taking a bite to eat or something.
 
rnicron
post Dec 5 2007, 01:31 AM
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Call him every 5 minutes. If he doesn't pick up, you know what's up. eyebrowes.gif

Either that, or he's merely sleeping. Lose-lose situation, really.
 

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