The Heart is Beat |
The Heart is Beat |
Jul 4 2008, 04:35 PM
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#1
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ˇLa Reina del Mundo! Group: Member Posts: 205 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 415,882 |
The Heart is Beat
I feel like piercing my heart with a needle Thinner than the thread it can hold, And prick and prick this bloody beat of mine Till the wave of distant drumming slows. This scarlet flesh will dry and rot and the love inside will cry, As the walls shrink and shrivel and knot Into a chamber where feeling can die. Flaking and peeling, lifeless and cold, No more a bag of blood to squeeze; Just a heart in ashen form waiting to be dismembered by a breeze. And without this pump--this air-stuffed pump, I'll surely follow suit and pale. This liquor of mine, thick and red, With you gone, life will taste so stale. Beautifully bland and spiritless, A gray world moving without a pulse, Lament now, my heart, and thump severe-- For tomorrow, this sound I shall never again hear. |
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Jul 5 2008, 05:22 PM
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#2
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fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
I absolutely loved it.
There were a few lines that word choices might've been searched for.. but as it is, it's already... awesome. I love it. |
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Jul 13 2008, 10:26 PM
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#3
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ˇLa Reina del Mundo! Group: Member Posts: 205 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 415,882 |
Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like it.
But, just out of curiosity, which lines had you considered to have iffy wording? |
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Jul 16 2008, 01:34 PM
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#4
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 5,166 Joined: Oct 2007 Member No: 585,858 |
Thanks for the comment! I'm glad you like it. But, just out of curiosity, which lines had you considered to have iffy wording? The Heart is Beat I feel like piercing my heart with a needle Thinner than the thread it can hold, And prick and prick this bloody beat of mine Till the wave of distant drumming slows. This scarlet flesh will dry and rot and the love inside will cry, As the walls shrink and shrivel and knot Into a chamber where feeling can die. Flaking and peeling, lifeless and cold, No more a bag of blood to squeeze; Just a heart in ashen form waiting[/b] to be dismembered by a breeze. And without this pump--this air-stuffed pump, I'll surely follow suit and pale. This liquor of mine, thick and red, With you gone, life will taste so stale. Beautifully bland and spiritless, A gray world moving without a pulse, Lament now, my heart, and thump severe-- For tomorrow, this sound I shall never again hear. ummm ye.. |
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Aug 21 2008, 11:49 AM
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#5
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fell in love with a boy Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965 |
it's about when you get to the line after " this liquor of mine". that line itself is great. the line after and the following kind of fade into the wake of the much-more-loved beginning.
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