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Story thing (fiction), please be nice. its hard to write this
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firechild
post Jul 23 2009, 03:55 PM
Post #1


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Have you ever felt pain? I don't mean the static kind of pain; that you can take some vicodin and it goes away. The Old Latin Branch of my family had a word for this Dolorum Aeterna (Everlasting Pain). They were right. I don't understand after many years of talking with doctors; how two simple words (5 syllables!) can hurt the same as getting smacked headon with a metal bat.
So here I stand; 16 years old, in a bed in the middle of nowhere, wishing she would come back to me. Come on guys, you can let your macho guard down. How many women have you been with and have truly loved. You can say all you want about how weak I may be, because I look at a gun and see the boy whose mom was killed by it; because I know how worthless fighting really is. All they walk away with is anger and injuries. There is not one day; where I don't think, "She is never coming back". Right now your mind is probably generating all kinds of thoughts something like: "He's too young, or maybe he's just nuts", or "Is he really even a guy, he looks like one; but he thinks like a woman". I still remember that day. I replay it over and over again, trying to figure out what the hell I said or did to make her leave. Her friends have said things about this: "Her dad got a new job" "They moved for family". They must think I'm stupid. Her dad can't lose a job he never had; the only other relative she had lives in the same city.
It was December 25th (yes, thats a lovely xmas presant itsn't it) 2:16 PM a snowy day inside with the family. My phone rang the familiar song that is hers. I pick it up; glad for the relief I hoped it would give me. No relief came, just her sobbing through tears saying "Baby, you know I love you. What I will say next is not my idea or of my complete understanding. All I know, is that tomorrow we leave for Point Barrow, Alaska." I dropped the phone; the voice stopped.
I had known her since first grade, she was the girl that pulled pranks on the teacher. I distracted the teacher while, she did the work. Now, to hear that she is leaving to move so far away from me; leaves me with one question: What did I do/say to push her away? This year marks the 2nd year with out her here. You may think I'm making this up, I'm not. The last text I got from her was: I love you but I have to say goodbye, something Isn't right here and he wont tell me." My mind flashed with images of her dead, being tortured near Kabul for being a Infidel. She flooded my mind. I could trace her for a while through her computer WiFi points; then she dissapeared. Again, flashes of her; tortured, murdered, and worse. I finally bought a round trip plane ticket Fairbanks and then a train up to Barrow. I asked everyone if they had seen her; no one had, not even the police. She...was...Gone. It feels bad enough to know that your [ex]girlfriend is dissapeared without a trace, despite the best efforts of you and your "team" you put together. Next message I got, was a medical examiner report. Her plane to Minneapolis Airport, crashed over Canada. She was gone forever: Natashka Laura Raeminov. Gone. I didn't understand it; everytime I called that location I got the standard equivalent of a 404 Error. The reality hit me hard: She was gone, never coming back. I got a package from the local authorites a day later. It was a locket; Inside was a tiny pen drive. The message incoded said: Il loved you the day I knew you. Remember me as I am always behind you to catch you, next to you to help you and in front of you to show you the way. The closing greeting was in Russian and I couldn't understand it. Beneath that was her signature in golden ink. I still have that Document file with me. Not a day goes by where I don't think "she left me". I still wonder what could've possibly prevented it. Her symbolic grave lies next to the Arts building of our school, the words inscribed say: For the one girl who lit a fire in all of us, we carry your torch to the end of time.

Notes: Natashka was one of my girlfriends, she however didn't die she just moved there. This story was [very] loosely based of a poem we wrote

 
Ekay
post Jul 29 2009, 09:20 PM
Post #2


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the story was moving and tragic in its end. i liked it. i only saw a few grammar problems but i enjoyed reading it. but i have to ask that when you use "you" who exactly are you referring to? the reader(s)? or men everywhere who think that showing pain is feminine? it's good but some parts need clarity.
 

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